AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

We already did yesterday as per my updates

No, some of the replies on here are not 'wild.' What is 'wild' is how the OP is absolutely 100% certain and insistent that she and her partner couldn't have POSSIBLY lost or mislaid this engagement ring, and it MUST be one of the workmen who has STOLEN IT!!!!! No-one is saying 'no way can it be any of the workmen!' Most people are simply saying it's not necessarily one of the workmen!

No matter how many suggestions posters are giving the OP, and how many scenarios people are saying might have happened, and it just MAY be her partner who has mislaid the ring, or even HER who has knocked it off, popped it somewhere and forgotten where, she is 100% adamant that everyone is WRONG! 'No WAY is it me or my DP!' she is saying, over and over and over again.

It's exasperating, because she's dug her heels in so deep now that the edge of her stiletto is popping out in the ocean near New Zealand, and she's refusing to accept that her partner MAY, just MAY have mislaid the ring! (Or she may have done it herself.) I have never seen a poster quite so stubborn, with such an intense determination to see any other possibility except that ONE possibility that they have in their head.

As a poster said further back, even if the ring turns up jammed behind a radiator, or in the baby's cot, or in the wash basket, or on a dresser in the bedroom, the OP will never EVER come back and admit it on here that she had it all along!

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I change car seat position often.

Now you got me thinking about this single key in left hand.

No house keys. office/yard keys, second van key ?

I would feel naked/unprepared going out to work all day with just that. What I am getting at is that if he has no regular way of carrying things, then carrying a ring box will be something out of the ordinary. And out of the ordinary/not routine could lead to forgetting. Esp at 5am when in semi auto mode.

Surely that’s the point, since he doesn’t normally carry a ring box he knows if he has or hasn’t done that, and he specifically remembered not taking it a few minutes into his journey.
His other work keys stay in the van, and he doesn’t carry a house key on weekdays! I’m always here when he gets back.
I think this is all a red herring, the ring didn’t leave the house..

Hi! You’re back! I think you’ve read about 30% of my replies at most :)

OP, for the last time, you have absolutely no way of knowing that the ring did NOT leave the house. You are basing this on your DP's routine, behaviour, etc. Everyone has a zone out moment, everyone. I'd say a more open mind might be required here frankly.

I don't think it's a red herring because we do not know what was in his pockets. And you did say earlier he wore his tool belt. That was questioned if he drove with a tool belt on, and now you say he won't drive with anything in his pockets.

That he does not take house keys has got my noggin working too. I have only ever known one person who had no house key. I used to give him a lift to work. Sometimes I would drop him home and if his wife was not there he sat on the step.

We asked him at work, why no key ? He said because his wife would not allow it because he was forgetful.

I ended up stopping giving him a lift by the way, cos it was well out my way and he kept forgetting to chip in petrol money :-)

Not at all, I’m basing it on the fact he realised he didn’t have it soon after leaving. You don’t realise you didn’t pick something up if in fact you picked it up. Backed up by video footage of his empty hands. Even if he’d put it in his pocket, contrary to normal habits, he’d have had to take it out to drive.

Are there no pockets on the lower leg of his trousers. That's the type most tradesmen wear.

I said he had a tool belt - not that he wore it to drive! I don’t see what the house key has to do with any of this, I’d prefer him to have one on him but he generally doesn’t.

Indeed, he keeps his receipts in there for the tax man. I did check all clothes in the laundry basket

No shit, Sherlock! I’m aware he was working outside. I’m not criticising the fact he was dirty, just that it was unlikely he’d get through the house in that state without leaving some evidence.

They do look like cargo pants. And anything in the knee thigh pocket might not dig in while driving. Might actually fall into the footwell while driving.

And many of us know what a pain it can be getting stuff out of there.

He remembered soon after leaving that he didn’t have it. You are a thorough detective though!

Oh, now he remembered soon after leaving on Tuesday morning.

however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there.

He, however, is very efficient and has an excellent memory.

Then, despite this, on Tuesday night

He then saw that night on returning that it was gone (not on Wednesday as I had thought- that’s when he asked me about it).

He remembered soon after leaving on Tuesday early morning that he didn't have it; noticed Tuesday night on returning that it was gone; and only remembered to ask you about it - an engagement ring! - on Wednesday.

Come on. This efficient man with his excellent memory.

So you are accepting now that the ring didn’t leave the house? So you need to look everywhere it could have been placed/misplaced.

Tax receipts in trouser pockets is not painting a picture of a meticulously organised person.

I was going to mention earlier that if he is doing quotes for jobs he must have a file of some sort he takes home.

But instead, he is heading out for a full day with just a phone on his belt, and a single key. Comes home with pockets stuffed with receipts and you fish them out before doing a wash.

And you do the taxes for him. So it does not look like he has an office attached to the yard he works from.

Even if he leaves the job files in his van, I would have thought he would have kept the receipts in them, to ease the paperwork. What purchase is charged to what job etc.

I ain't judging here. Just sleuthing M'Lord.

What on earth? Of course he has files but he doesn’t take them into builders merchants when buying material, the receipts go in his pockets for later. I don’t fish them out of his pockets and I certainly don’t do his taxes 🤣 Your imagination is absolutely wild, where have you got this all from?

No, I mean it didn’t leave the house with DP on the morning in question. People seem hell-bent on proving that it did, I’m just here entertaining myself with some of the mad comments.

Do you honestly know men who would propose after several years together and then a week later have such a strong change of heart that they’d return the ring and frame the builder? This is so extraordinary to me

No, but it would make a great Eastenders storyline!

Many years after losing my gold watch it was handed back to me by the friend I'd given my unwanted sofa to. He was cutting it up to put in a skip and my watch was inside it, along with a few other small items.

You may never know what happened OP, it was probably stolen. I was a victim of 'walk in theft' many years ago.....it happens.

I'm don't understand why so many posters are sure it's been mislaid, how can anyone know that? I'd keep an open mind, not sure I'd use Bob again though.

Hey, we are working with less info here than Sherlock usually has.

Quote : "Indeed, he keeps his receipts in there for the tax man. I did check all clothes in the laundry basket"

Did check/do check. So you never do the latter ? And this check was a one off ?

I reckon if we turned up at yours with a magnifying glass and a fingerprint kit we could crack this case in no time.

:-)

I am joking.

Morse never had the troubles we internet detectives have.

If you have a close dead relative, ask them to help you find it. It’s always worked for me!!!

I checked all his pockets for the ring of course! Nothing to do with his receipts, which he deposits with his secretary at the end of the day. Of course I also check pockets when doing the laundry but the most I’ll find is a tissue.

I am being entertained by the sleuthing- if only you could really crack the case! 🤗

This is looking more like a Taggart case now. You know, where the big clue appears at the very end, and the rest of the story was just filler.

And enter the secretary.

A totally new character. Lets see how we can thread her/him into the story.

Does the secretary have access to the works van ? Any connection to Bob ?

Wow this is a frustrating thread. You want people to help you solve it but nearly all of your updates are a variation on 'we have searched everywhere' and 'what idiotic replies'. If you want someone to help you find it it you need to give more detail of every where you have searched and a clear timeline of retracing steps from the last time anyone saw the ring. You are starting from the wrong place by starting from when dp put it on the hall ledge.