To be angry at my mum over an animal in distress

[Corintha]

My mum has just text me in casual conversation to say that there is a pigeon trapped in the chimney vent in her and my dad’s bedroom. She says that they heard it fall down early this morning and it has been in there cooing ever since and is clearly stuck.

I have asked what she intends to do about it, whether she is going to get my dad to take the vent off or call someone in. She doesn’t want to take the vent off as it will be messy and doesn’t want to call anyone out as she says she’s too busy with other life admin (she’s a carer for adult autistic sibling). She says “It’s a shame but it’s life” and she’s just going to leave it and let nature run its course.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit as she seems okay to lay in bed for the next few nights listening to an animal die in a horrible way. The vent is behind their bed board ffs! I’ve also warned her that the smell is going to be horrendous and she will have flies but she is insisting it will be fine. It’s a vent, of course the smell is going to seep through.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit and she has told me to go away and blocked me saying “it’s not the first time an animal has died in a chimney and won’t be the last”.

AIBU to think she’s being incredibly thick. I’m so angry at her and I don’t know what to do as I live an hour away and don’t drive, it’s 3 hours away on public transport

Just to add to my previous message, we also had to get a new chimney flue fitted to stop it happening again so it was quite an expensive rescue.

Speak to your dad, I have these vents and it’s 4 small screws, it would take a few minutes to remove grab the pigeon and pop it outside.
They should have a grill on the chimney but she sounds like she’s a bit sadistic so probably won’t get one fitted.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel please stop looking for excuses, the mum just sounds cruel with her ‘it won’t be the last to die’ comment , that’s pretty cold

I'm wondering how much effort it would actually take for her to get some help for the pigeon. There's a website www.helpwildlife.co.uk where you can put in your postcode and find your nearest rescue centre. Some rescues will come out and do all the work, so she just has to be at home, and maybe clear up a bit of mess after.

Although I realise she has also blocked you, so not sure how you'd get this info to her.

Very harsh on both you and the pigeon tbh!

Yep, and a million flies this time of year. Good luck to her, payback for being cruel. And she really needs to sort out a cowl on the chimney.

If she doesn’t have the capacity to do a 10 minute job or ask her DH to do it - then SS need to be called because she’s obviously not capable of looking after herself, let alone a vulnerable person.

Are you saying she’s so burnt out that she needs to be put in a care home?

I’m struggling to think of how ‘burnt out’ you have to be that it’s ok to be cruel and simply not care about a living thing suffering and in pain but still deemed well enough to take care of yourself and others.

I agree that this is her DH’s problem too and as OP has said, he’s more than capable of doing it but I’m assuming that as OP is now blocked, she can’t actually get hold of her dad.

That’s disgusting. And it’s not “life”, it’s her fault for not having a properly sealed off chimney! So she should do something about it.

As someone who spends my time and money rehabbing pigeons, people like her make my blood boil. If only karma was real.

I mean, they definitely won’t get pigeon lung from that, but they deserve it.

Call the RSPCA.

We have had birds sometimes in one of our chimneys. It’s fully blocked off inside the house so unfortunately unless I wanted to smash into the brick work anything that falls in stays in.

It’s getting capped when the new flashing goes on.

I’m sure mum or dad will get fed up of hearing it by bedtime tonight and dad will likely unscrew the vent if it really is that easy.

How balanced and reasonable.

OP, why doesn’t your DM just call a chimney sweep to deal with it? They must be used to birds getting stuck in chimneys. On one occasion, my DSis called a chimney sweep out, who said birds were nesting in her chimney and that he would come and move the nest once the fledglings had gone. (Obviously she wasn’t about to have a fire, either!)

My bad, there's an article on the help wildlife site, which encourages taking action yourself to free the animal. Although if that's not possible I still think it's worth calling. The article also confirms your suspicions that a dead bird could be a health hazard
https://www.helpwildlife.co.uk/advice/chimneys/

BTW there is a possibility your mum might actually be breaking the law! Various laws exist to prevent the unnecessary suffering of animals. I wasn't sure whether they applied to animals who lodge themselves in your chimney but this website suggests they do https://www.realflame.co.uk/blog/what-to-do-if-a-bird-gets-stuck-in-your-chimney/

So, if there's no way of getting hold of your mum and you don't mind going nuclear you could always try the police.

Disclaimer: I'm not legally qualified and not sure the police would do anything, just trying to think of options.

I'd never look at my mum in the same light again. Ehat a severe lack of emotional intelligence. Poor pigeon. It's probably just a fledgling: a baby. Can you call a local wildlife rescue or even a chimney sweep?

Balanced and reasonable to have a "shrug the shoulders" attitude and think "Aah well it's nature"?
That's what I meant was cold - not the refusal to annihilate a chimney.

Knowingly letting an animal suffer and die in distress is lower than low behaviour.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing my mum is doing this and I would driving down there myself.

Isn't it behind a bed though. That means moving at least the bed itself, possibly other furniture too. It's a fair bit of hassle. Maybe too much hassle for someone who already has too much to do.

Anyway, sounds like no one wants to stir themselves about this. Not OP nor her mum nor her dad. But one of those three is starting Mumsnet threads about it, not for advice or help. Hope everything gets sorted.

They wouldn't be seeing me or my dc I am certain
.

Yep. We've had rats die in our walls, no vents, and the smell is unbearable, we couldn't use the room for over a week because of it.

OP if it were my mum I wouldn't be able to talk to her again. She's being unspeakably cruel.

What an absolutely disgusting attitude. Your mum and dad are awful. Oh and I can't believe that 32% of posters think you are not unreasonable. They are as disgusting as your parents.

I do find generally older parents get more selfish and nasty.

The poor thing cooing too 😭 We treat pigeons so badly when they are one of the most gentle creatures around us.

Id offer to sort it tbh and then id be seeing my mum in a really different light.

Ops mum is an unpaid carer. Probably not selfish and nasty.

Neither of them taking 3 mins to unscrew a vent? Yea, I stand by my comment.

I had exactly this situation a few years ago. 5 minutes with a screwdriver, gently putting a towel over the bird as I didn’t want it flying round the room , then took it outside and off it flew. The whole process took 10 minutes. I hated the few minutes it took to get the vent off because the bird was obviously distressed. I certainly couldn’t have laid in bed listening to it for the time it took the poor thing to die.

She is letting something die that would take a matter of minutes to save, she doesn’t even need to do it herself she can ask her DH but she’s refusing - it doesn’t really get much more selfish and nasty than that does it.

Lets hope the person she cares for or her DH doesn’t injure themselves and require her to have some empathy to call an ambulance.