To be angry at my mum over an animal in distress

[Corintha]

My mum has just text me in casual conversation to say that there is a pigeon trapped in the chimney vent in her and my dad’s bedroom. She says that they heard it fall down early this morning and it has been in there cooing ever since and is clearly stuck.

I have asked what she intends to do about it, whether she is going to get my dad to take the vent off or call someone in. She doesn’t want to take the vent off as it will be messy and doesn’t want to call anyone out as she says she’s too busy with other life admin (she’s a carer for adult autistic sibling). She says “It’s a shame but it’s life” and she’s just going to leave it and let nature run its course.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit as she seems okay to lay in bed for the next few nights listening to an animal die in a horrible way. The vent is behind their bed board ffs! I’ve also warned her that the smell is going to be horrendous and she will have flies but she is insisting it will be fine. It’s a vent, of course the smell is going to seep through.

I’ve lost my shit with her a bit and she has told me to go away and blocked me saying “it’s not the first time an animal has died in a chimney and won’t be the last”.

AIBU to think she’s being incredibly thick. I’m so angry at her and I don’t know what to do as I live an hour away and don’t drive, it’s 3 hours away on public transport

Your mum blocked you? Fuck that. Time for NC

I'm so sorry to read this, OP. She's being disgusting and blocking you is also vile.

This

Contact your dad, tell him you’re concerned about the smell, the lice that will be coming off a dead bird and the flies and maggots, and ask him if she’d be willing to let someone deal with it if you can find someone locally who’d be willing to help, and then get on their local FB page. Someone will be aware of a local animal sanctuary or someone who will rescue struggling birds. I suspect she finds everything involved in a rescue just as insurmountable as you do.

If their answer is no, then you either go and rescue the bird yourself and call in sick tomorrow morning, or you leave them to it and when they complain that they can’t sleep in that room anymore, then you tell them you have zero sympathy for them and you warned them that this would happen. There is nothing else that you can do.

That happened at my place of work. It was the work of a minute to unscrew the vent and free the poor pigeon. I think your mum and all the posters here defending her are bloody cruel.

It would take literally a minute to unscrew the vent,open the window and see if the bird would escape. I had a seagull come down my chimney into the living room a few years ago, we ushered it out in seconds. Then got a chimney cowl.

Would it be worth contacting the RSPCA or we have similar for when we find an injured bird . It's truly disgusting of her to behave like this , I'm glad you've lost it with her . It happened to my son , I remember having to go and wait in for someone to remove the electric fire to let it out .

How is it possible for OP to do it herself??

YAnbu.

I'd be rethinking my relationship with her going forwards. That lack of empathy is really quite disturbing.

Could be compassion fatigue if she is a long standing parent carer, why haven't you gone mental at your dad about it?

A starling came down our chimney once. We had to pay someone to come out and disconnect the gas fire to let it out. It went a bit crazy flying all around the room ignoring the open window, so we trapped in a bucket and let it out the front door.

And her mum is a (probably burnt out) carer to a disabled adult. Maybe she doesn’t have the capacity to deal with this either… I agree with @FurtherDownTheRoad that they both have their limits. It’s very telling that OP is only angry with her mum though, why not her dad?

it wont be good for your ill sibling ether if it dies

The use of 'We' was misleading.

We had one stuck behind our gas fireplace. RSPB/A or vet cannot do anything without you creating the access to the area (removing the vent). We were advised to leave it to die and it shouldn’t smell, we had to cap off the gas and smash the concrete behind the fire to get it out as I couldn’t bear to leave it in there. Took it to the vet to be checked over and released it.

That’s just cruel 😞

Actually, dehydration will probably kill it before starvation.

And then hopefully the corpse will dehydrate/mummify rather than decomposing.

I say hopefully because that would be aroma-free.

Vents like that don't just slide out.

She would have to remove the blanking board from the hearth, and then pay someone to refit it and re-plaster it.

So she would end up with a several-hundred-pound bill for a fucking pigeon.

Chicken-nuggets anyone?

They could take the cover off the vent and find the bird higher or lower and not reach it.

The bird is likely to die.

We had one behind our fire place. In a position we couldn't reach. It died and then rotted

Chimney's are designed to suck the air from the room up the chimney so unlikely the smell will get into their bedroom. We didn't get a smell.

The flies on the other hand will be like a horror movie and will last for 3-5 days. We ended up with hanging the sticky tape and using smoke bombs from Amazon.

We've since paid to have a cap put on the top of the chimney so it doesn't happen again

What I think of your mum would get me deleted or banned.

I'm in a semi and heard a bird in the chimney a few weeks ago. Got a chimney sweep out. Had to remove the electric fire and he pushed his brush up. Unfortunately it wasn't in my side of chimney but in neighbours. Their fireplace has some sort of boarding over it and they weren't interested in doing anything to save it so I had to listen to it scratching for several more days until it presumably died. I hope their house stinks now, horrible people.
Chimney sweep did say he gets lots of call outs after birds have died because people don't realise how bad the smell will be ....they just don't care or want to pay until there's a problem affecting them.
Maybe you could persuade your dad to call a sweep out to try to rescue the pigeon OP?

I'd be totally disgusted with her too - there's things that happen in life that need dealing with and this would be such a simple thing to do.

I know many people dislike pigeons but they're actually really lovely birds and it saddens me that someone can be so blase about a living creature suffering.

Are there any pigeon rescues that you can contact online? Or is she too prissy about mess to let them in?

I can't even imagine ever letting something needlessly die when I could free it.

How cold!

See I think the op should be thinking about the reasons why her mum doesn’t feel able to do what seems like it ought to be quite a simple job which could avoid great unpleasantness later, even aside from the cruelty issue.
If my elderly parents were telling me this it would be a red flag that they were not coping and might need more support.

If she doesn't care about the pigeon she will certainly care when it dies and decomposes. The smell will be horrific, for weeks.

Very cruel, I’m glad she will have to endure the smell if she doesn’t get the poor thing out.