To let my SIL go for a walk with my DD?

[Trustwithboudaries]

I think i am being unreasonable! But here's the situation. We haven't let my SIL be alone with our DD now 5, without us nearby. My DH doesn't trust her not to eg give DD sweets without telling us, be safe enough etc. She has previously broken our trust by sharing photos without our permission but also has been really good for the past 6 months or more about respecting rules and boundaries. However DH and I still talked about not letting SIL be with DD5 fully alone. We are currently on holiday with her (SIL), DH, DD5 and DD 2 months. After 9 hrs of travel we arrived. I made dinner, we ate, DH went for a nap and SIL offered to take DD5 for a walk in the holiday park for 20mins. DD was crying and needing to feed after refusing all day. I was exhausted and needed to prepare for bedtime. So without thinking I agreed to the walk without asking DH. DD5 and SIL are back safely and as far as I can tell nothing we would be uncomfortable with happened. But I really shouldn't have agreed to the walk, should I? What can I do to repair the breach of trust? This is a huge deal to DH.

I live next door to my little niece and nephew and pass them cakes over the fence regularly. It’s Auntie privilege. 🤷‍♀️

You talk about her like shes a paedophile!

Why would you have someone in your child's life you trust so little? , why go in holiday ? Id want nothing to do with you if you treated me like this !
the photo thing is not ok but mistakes happen and no one died

Aunties are supposed to give you sweets and ice cream !!!

as for the dramatic “ breach of trust” you haven't slept with his sister ffs! Unclench you sound v highly strung

This has to be a wind up. U and ur hubby are control freaks. God forbid if ur kid gets a sweet from her aunt. And yet ur not moaning about ur husband going for a nap when u are soooo tired u make the most dreadful of decisions?

no replies from OP

Also why are you cooking after 9 hours of traveling with a newbirn ??? Why travel for 9 hours ??
he goes for a nap - wheres your nap ?

what do you do to “ prepare for bedtime “ ? The mind boggles!

There must be a huge backstory to this, otherwise makes no sense.

But are they realistic worries( after all no harm came to the child) or pfb neurotics.

No real information

That's a very unkind response.

You made dinner and were looking after both children while your H napped - you are allowed to make decisions as a parent. The walk was round the holiday park, not down the central reservation of a motorway or up Everest.

And if your worry is that SIL might (The Horror!) give her SWEETS, I am assuming that you don't have serious concerns - like SIL is a heroin addict or a psychopath or something?

Your DH sounds severely anxious or obsessed about safety, or is extremely controlling.

I am not sure how you both free yourselves from this.

But at the most basic level: people do not make their best decisions when they are exhausted and multi-tasking and under pressure and their partner is relaxing with a nap . Tell your DH to go fuck himself.

‘Dh, stop this, I was exhausted and you were sleeping. If we need to supervise dd every second ourselves you need to not nap while I’m busy working to cook and clean and prep bedtime for us. Stop being such a child right now and either step up and parent, or accept I’ll make parenting decisions that give me a break too not just you. Don’t spoil everyone’s holiday because you’ve decided to commit me to a slave labour program. Now go do dds bedtime as I’m tired and you don’t want your sister to.’

Yes exactly.

Your dh is the problem here. He sounds very controlling.

I don’t know how people put up with these strict rules and regulations around family whose potential crime is possibly giving a sweet.
SIL sounds like a very patient person to me, loving her niece and a family who don’t trust her to be alone around the children.
Batshit.

Can't quite believe what I'm reading here. Your poor SIL.

There must be something deeper going on, though imagine it’s quite telling that he was having a nap while you did all the work

Post and run, boring.

Why didn't you wake DH up to look after DD while you had a rest? If he was not prepared to do that then I don't see having your SiL take a 5 year old for a short walk is an issue. If it is then he is a control freak (or into coercive control).

Oh no, she might have given her some sweets. Monster.

Wow, I was taking my niece on the bus to the cinema when I was 14 and she was 4!

I was looking after older niece and baby niece during the school holidays at 16. We had a ball and no one died.....

An Auntie is such a special relative, someone to talk through problems when you're too scared to tell your parents, someone to spoil you and make memories with etc.

I’m also completely baffled as to why a family member you like enough to go on holiday with can’t take your 5 year old out for 20 minutes!

it would be even nicer if she took her out for longer wouldn’t it? The your DH can get the baby to bed while you get an early night!

The most unacceptable aspect of this situation is that your husband went for a nap and left you alone with a tiny baby and a small child to do bedtime, after you had also cooked dinner, after a 9 hour journey.

This behaviour is so monumentally entitled and messed up that everything else sort of fades in comparison.

I am entirely against violence of any kind, but I'd be hard-pressed not to pour a pan of cold water over his head and yell "Oi tosser! Get up and parent your children" if he tried something like this again.

If he wants the rights and privileges of a parent, he needs to act like one first.

I have a close relative who I have never allowed alone with my dd. That is because he was a violent alcoholic in the past. I could trust him enough now with careful supervision, but would never risk what happened to me happening to my child, no matter how much personal growth I saw.

you are worried about candy and a few photos? Really? Surely there has to be more going on here.

I agree.

You and your husband sound really controlling. Imagine blocking a child from having a close relationship with her auntie because the auntie might give her sweets.

have you never had a relative who is capable of being an absolute menace about danger and boundaries? when you have it is absolutely awful because you just cant trust them to do normal common sense things to keep a child safe. If it was the other way around and she didnt trust the sister and the man had let the kid go out against his wife's will, we'd all be here saying he was an areshole and should have respected her wishes. Why is it different because he wants to keep his child safe? unless theres a backstory and hes a villain, its really good he has the sense to protect his child from his own sister's incompetence. this is more than most men you read about on here.

eta just saw he was napping...unless he has some serious illness, he IS a villain for that.