AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

Tipping your bonnet to a driver...I never have a problem with that...furthermore I stop courteously for pedestrians, when driving.
Though as a cyclist, I appreciate it when a pedestrian checks/delays their step for a second so I can get through, without making me stop. Because it costs sweat to build back that momentum.

I always say thank you. Same way I would when paying for something in a shop - they are paid to serve me but a thank you and a smile just makes the experience a bit nicer!

I do think it’s fascinating that people report being shouted at for not thanking a driver. I am firmly in the “thank the driver” camp, but what sort of driver gets so angry at not being waved at that they decide to take their eyes off the road and start a public argument? That is totally fucked up and says a lot about aggression in modern society. I suspect that more men than women do this, and quite probably the people being shouted at are women.

Yabvu. You thank them. I thank car drivers when they stop and 99.9÷ of users of crossings thank me when I stop for them. It's just what you do

It’s nothing just to put your hand up as a thank you gesture … not a requirement but just general politeness.

I’m sure you are not that busy while crossing just to hold your hand up for 2 seconds … stop making silly excuses. As you’ve said, many drivers don’t stop, you can thank the ones that do.

I tend to thank people when on the roads, whether I am a driver or a pedestrian. It's easy to do, is general good manners and helps make the world a slightly nicer place. I don't necessarily expect others to thank me, but it's nice if they do.

if that’s the case why thank anyone? Don’t thank people in the shop? They are just doing what they are paid to do … anyone for that matter.

You're not technically being unreasonable; however, you are being rude.

Manners cost nothing but a smile and a thanks enrich the fabric of our lives.

There’s a thread running about Britain becoming lawless. Obviously not thanking drivers isn’t lawless but I think the general ethos of “I’m not obliged to so I won’t” is contributing to a very selfish and individualistic society.

These things are based on goodwill. You don’t have to thank anyone for anything but not acknowledging the courtesy destroys the goodwill that has allowed you to cross. Why would you do that?

IMO YABU, it’s no effort at all to give a smile and a nod. But saying this, I thank Chat GPT, it just feels weird not too🤭 It’s just being polite. A waiter is paid to bring you food, that’s their obligation, do you say thank you? Or when your served at a store, delivery drivers? I may be wrong, but I’m overly polite.

Manners cost nothing.

Its a good way to teach your kids good manners.

Why wouldn't you say thanks?

This in buckets.
Personally I think that if pedestrians don't acknowledge you for stopping then you should be allowed to run them over 😁

It’s just instinctive for me to raise my hand in thanks when a car stops. My kids are the same. No driver should be shouting though, that’s ridiculous.

OP it’s fine. You can carry on not raising your hand in thanks. The drivers were wrong to shout. I will carry on raising my hand and even giving a quick smile as that feels right for me and it is no trouble. It feels like an imposition for you, so you don’t have to change.

I do reserve the right to have murderous thoughts about people who have a chat on the pavement just at the edge of the zebra crossing. So like a dutiful driver I stop and then I realise they have no intention of crossing but are just standing there for the hell of it.

YANBU, it's your right of way always. They are simply following their own road rules. I just walk out in the road most of the time, don't even go to the crossing. Drivers are there by a revocable licence.

Without fail, I always shout at these ignorant people, usually something like

"Thank You ,Ignorant!"

I feel it is my duty to educate people who are playing their part in dragging society down tiny bit by tiny bit.

There is no excuse. It is ignorant to not say thank you or smile or wave.

If I hold a door open and someone goes through without so much as looking at me, I say "Pardon. I didn't catch that." They usually say something along the lines of "I didn't say anything" and I reply, "Sorry. I thought you said Thank You."

If you are one of those looking for excuses not to acknowledge cars stopping or doors being held for you, then you are pig ignorant.

You can dress up an excuse any way you like, it doesn't work. Oink Oink to you.

Others have already made this point, but I don't see the equivalence between these two situations. The waitress isn't legally required to bring me my food - yes, it's her job, but it's not a basic law that she has to follow. I'm also in a direct face to face transaction with someone who serves me in a restaurant, hands me a parcel, makes me a coffee, whatever - they aren't several feet away inside a car. So of course when I'm dealing with people face to face or speaking directly to them I say thank you if they've rendered me some sort of service - the fundamental difference in viewpoint here is that I don't consider not running over pedestrians to be a service rendered!

I like to thank drivers for not mowing me/my child down, the same way I thank someone for holding a door.
it’s really not a big deal to give a little wave

Holding doors is a favour that should be thanked. As a driver I always thank people who let me through a passing place and expect thanks the other way round.

Still annoys me when thanked by pedestrians on crossings. I haven't done them a favour and thanking me implies it is a favour which implies it is optional to stop which makes it more likely next time I'm a pedestrian someone might not stop.

Every time I stop at a crossing I look away into my rear view mirror so I can't catch a thank you wave as it annoys me so much.

Couldn't agree more with this! I've made clear that I don't think I owe drivers a debt of gratitude for not running me over, but I certainly don't go through the checkout at a supermarket without speaking to the person who serves me (that's if they've even got a proper checkout switched on and aren't sending people to those godawful self-checkouts with massive trolleys full of shopping, but that's another gripe for another day 😆). I find it so weird that there's an immediate leap from having a certain opinion on this very specific situation to "you have terrible manners in all possible situations in life".

Incidentally, of the two drivers who have shouted abuse at me out of the window for not thanking them, one was male and the other was female. Not sure if that tells us anything or not! I don't know whether either of them would have been confident to shout at a man crossing the road - but then, people are probably much cockier when sat safely behind the wheel of a 1.5 tonne metal box that has the potential to kill someone than they would be if they were standing right in front of them.

I also had a look this morning to see if other users of the crossings thanked drivers - I saw two other people use the crossings on that stretch of road, both men, neither thanked the people who stopped. So I'm inclined to call BS on people saying things like "absolutely everyone who I stop for always thanks me" because I actually just don't believe that's true.

I hope you don't actually think this, but if you do, I really hope you don't have a driving licence.