AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

I'm not making excuses, I've made it clear that I don't think this requires excusing - it's just a difference in view of whether I owe a driver who doesn't run me over my gratitude for that. You don't know the road I'm talking about, I'm not going to tell you where it is for obvious reasons, but suffice to say I never feel particularly safe crossing it (I have had cars barrel straight through the crossing when I'm already halfway across the road because they're not paying attention) - so it's not an excuse, it's a statement of fact when I say that my priority is to cross safely.

And yes, many drivers don't stop - I don't see any of them thanking me for saving them from a lawsuit for running me over by not stepping onto the crossing until I'm confident I can cross safely. Why is the most vulnerable road user the one who is considered to owe a debt of thanks to the people whose actions have the potential to harm them?

If you are so adamant you are in the right, why on earth are you asking on here? You obviously doubt yourself … are unfortunately you sound like you are being rude.

This is fair, I don't think anyone should be standing on the kerb at a crossing unless they do actually want to cross!

What do you mean? Saying thank you has always been the norm. I've lived more than 6 decades and thanking other people has been standard throughout my life including bus drivers, cars stopping etc.
It's sad that people not longer take the miniscule effort to acknowledge other people around them by smiling or raising a hand when the other person has done something like stopping at a crossing.That sort of micro contact can have a massive impact on communities.
I think it's equally sad that the driver would feel entitled to shout at a pedestrian that didn't say thank you.
In my book yabu @PedestrianAbuse but so was he.

Of you're too lazy to raise your hand, maybe you could smile at them. It's ignorant not to acknowledge somebody else's courtesy.

You sound delightful. Are you the woman who screamed at me out of her car window because I didn't bow down in thanks to her for not running me over?

And my question was literally only about cars at zebra crossings. Not any other theoretical scenario in which it might make sense to say thank you to someone. Of course I would thank someone who was right in front of me and held a door for me. I really don't understand why so many people are reaching for ways to make massive generalisations about the character of anyone who thinks a certain way about this particular issue. People are nuanced, people can in fact hold different views about different situations - not saying thank you to someone who stops at a crossing doesn't mean not saying thank you to anyone, ever. It's weird that people are struggling with that concept here.

So if you see other cars driving over the crossing like dicks, surely that's even more reason to acknowledge those that don't. Do you drive - do you thank other drivers when they let you out into the main traffic? That's the similarity I'm seeing here. In both cases, neither is really obliged to be considerate.

It’s just etiquette, it doesn’t have to make sense. There are loads of social norms you don’t have to participate in, but why would you not just do it?

Drivers thank drivers too. It just makes things nicer. It makes people more likely to be courteous to each other in future because people like to be acknowledged.

I just don’t get why anyone would opt out of something so small that takes no effort whatsoever. You’d have to train yourself not to, as it is the norm everywhere

Do you never ask questions out of curiosity? I can want to know what other people think about something whilst being comfortable with my own views. Is that not part of the purpose of an online discussion board?

No OP, it's weird that you don't see courtesy is courtesy no matter what the situation, as is ignorance.

Yes, I do drive and I said that in my OP - and as a driver I certainly don't expect pedestrians at crossings to thank me for stopping, I see it as a minimum obligation on me as a safe driver and not something they need to thank me for. I thank other drivers for things like giving way or letting me out into traffic - often they don't have to do that, it's something that helps to keep the traffic flowing but it's not legally required. That's the distinction I make between these situations.

It's not about gratitude. It's about acknowledging other people who interact (even minimally) with you. The driver saw you, acknowledged your desire to cross so stopped the car. In return you acknowledge the driver by looking at them and smiling or raising your hand.
Both are simple acts of politeness within a civilised society.

You asked a question on a board called Am I Being Unreasonable, and now are getting miffed that people are saying you're being unreasonable.

Did you mean to post the question on the Just Valifade Me board?

It's clearly important enough for you to not bother thanking drivers stopping. Very bizarre and most drivers would think ignorant sod so crack on. Any regular driver, who you didn't thank might recognise you the next time and not bother. That's how consideration and acknowledgement work.

Do you live your whole life in such a transactional way?
Do you never consider the bigger picture of how simple actions can have a big impact?
When the car stops st the crossing, do you not look at them and acknowledge them? Do you not say thank you when a waiter puts your meal in front of you or a shop assistant hands you your purchase?
If you've paid for a service do you not still say thank you?
How sad for us all if everyone behaved like you.

I'm not miffed. I disagree with some of the people on this thread but that's fine. I wasn't expecting everyone to agree with me, I was just interested in what people thought. There's no need to project anger onto other people where it doesn't exist.

@randomchap

You asked a question on a board called Am I Being Unreasonable, and now are getting miffed that people are saying you're being unreasonable.
Did you mean to post the question on the Just Validate Me board?

100% this.

Why ask AIBU, and then give a dozen reasons why you think you AREN'T?

The vast majority of posters on this thread are saying YABU @PedestrianAbuse and yet still you're like 'yeah but yeah but...' Just accept that you MAY be in the wrong.

@BuildbyNumbere

If you are so adamant you are in the right, why on earth are you asking on here? You obviously doubt yourself … are unfortunately you sound like you are being rude.

As this poster said ^ you must know on some level that you are being rude, (and are in the wrong,) or you wouldn't have felt the need to ask on here!

Two thirds of 833 voters (so far) have voted for YABU, and most people commenting are saying you are too! Hopefully this is giving you some food for thought, and you will be a bit more polite going forward.......

@PedestrianAbuse I'm still fascinated to know whether you limit your 'thank yous' to those doing something voluntarily? Do you thank people who are paid to give a service? Like waiting staff, shop assistants, doctors, nurses?

It is also possible to use AIBU to garner opinions on whether other people think a behaviour is U or not out of interest, not because one feels one has to change that behaviour based on a consensus.

There's no contractual obligation on using AIBU to always say "ok, majority say U, I will change".

I still think it's not U and I still hate receiving thanks as a driver on a crossing.

If OP has been interested in the discussion but doesn't feel convinced by opinions that is allowed too.

You hate receiving thanks as a driver? Now that really is weird.

No I don't, perhaps try reading my other posts? I couldn't have been clearer on this.

Yes, for the reasons I outlined above.

It implies stopping is voluntary, which makes it more likely next time I'm a pedestrian someone thinks they can choose not to. Which makes pedestrians dither more. Which slows everyone down.

As I said I always look away from crossing pedestrians so I don't have to see a pointless, even I would go so far as to say inappropriate, wave of thanks.

Thank you, I'm glad someone else understands the principle of asking for views out of interest!

YABU. Drivers, legally do not have to stop at a zebra crossing to allow you to cross. They are only legally obligated to stop if you have already stepped onto the road and are completing the crossing. Otherwise they have every right to carry on and not let you cross. They are being polite by stopping so you should be polite and thank them. It takes all of one second to acknowledge someones kindness.

You are way overthinking this. 🙃