AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

I agree and have had this conversation a few times with friends, ive also been shouted at by men for not saying thank you. If that happens now I give a mock bow and say thank you so much for not running me over!

I thank automatically. I'm certainly not consciously thinking each time I cross "well I'll thank today because they didn't have to stop or no thanks from me they have to stop or break the law."

You obviously have more going on in your brain than me! I'm just cross in front of a car raise your hand auto pilot.

I'm a lollipop lady and thank every driver who stops for me. It's good manners

No it's not. You asked for opinions. It's bad mannered and ignorant and the fact you're going to continue being bad mannered and ignorant is even worse.

Ha ha! But you still say “thank you” and I’m sure that’s appreciated! It would be my me!

" The sort of person who ignores a driver who stops, is very likely the same sort of goes through a checkout and doesn't acknowledge the checkout operator. Acting like they think the checkout operator is beneath them. The sort of person who thinks nothing of pushing in when there is a queue, and who yells at the staff if there is a bit of a delay because of a technical issue."

Well you're wrong on that. I don't always thank drivers for not breaking the law and running me over, I do sometimes, but also don't at other times. Yet I am ALWAYS polite to checkout operators, have good conversations with them, don't queue jump, and have never yelled at staff for anything.

There's a big difference in drivers not breaking the law and people working in the service industry. Really not sure why you think they are comparable scenarios in this!

You don’t have to thank them but I think it’s polite to. A little hand up to say thanks isn’t hard work. Yes, they have to stop but it that same as a server also had to take your order and bring you food at a restaurant. You probably still say please and thank you to them, if you didn’t they might think you were rude but it’s their job so they’ll still do it.

I do also think the ones shouting at you are a bit crazy and out of order though.

My children bellow thank you whilst holding their hand up at the cars as they cross. It’s not hard to do and seems like a civilised thing to do in my opinion.

Of course he wouldn’t be breaking the law. Stopping is only required if pedestrians are in the road. Rude but not illegal.

It's not the same as thanking a bus driver, waiter etc etc.

It would make no difference to you if the car driver just wasn't there.
The bus driver, waiter etc are all providing you a service. Yes, they are also getting paid, but you still want them to be there providing that service.

Should drivers thank me for standing there waiting to cross and let them drive by on their merry way without stopping?

A wave from them to say thanks for waiting for someone who will stop.

Instead of putting your hand up and thanking them, lift your hand and use your invisible magical powers to prevent the car running you over. To really increase the joy, picture yourself with a cape and lasers coming out of your hand, and whisper to yourself “stay there”.

Drivers will think you’re thanking them, and you will have a bit of fun. Win - win!

Thanking drivers with a wave or smile is just friendly and costs you nothing. Shouting at you for not doing so is rude.

I do a little wave and then that awkward half run half walk thing 😅

Thanking someone for stopping at a zebra crossing feels weird. They don't thank a pedestrian waiting to cross (not at a zebra) for not stepping out into moving traffic, do they?
I thank people who let me cross when they are pulling out of a junction or if they stop on a straight road.

YANBU.
I'm curious how many men do thank the drivers and whether the drivers from the OP would shout at them.

It sounds as yet another case, where it's the women's work to make men's day nicer.

This is a really interesting question, which I've thought about myself from time to time.

On the one hand, my initial thoughts are that I shouldn't have to thank someone for doing what they are legally obliged to do, and this would be my default position.

However, we must consider the type of driver. If they're a decent type, they won't need to be thanked. BUT if they're one of those a-hole drivers, as much as I'd hate to thank them, it might actually reinforce good driver behaviour, and make them more likely to stop safely at a crossing in future.

Difficult, but despite my default position, I now tend to thank all drivers for being considerate in the hope that they will continue to be considerate to everyone.

Why is it an imposition to be polite ?

It’s basic manners! You should say thank you and you should be teaching your kids this too

Now that's being British!

Don't be ridiculous.
There is no difference in the manners of men using a zebra crossing and women.

Every time you use a zebra crossing, the driver stops out of the goodness of heart. Thank them or don't, but they are absolutely not obligated to stop for you.

YANBU. I don't feel the need to thank people in any other context for simply not breaking the law, so I'm not sure why crossing the road should be any different.

How can you be so sure?

And is there any difference when the driver is stopping for a man or for a woman? Do you really think they would shout at a man for not thanking them?

If 60% of the voters here (presumably mostly women) always thanks, but the drivers in this thread including the OP don't feel that majority of the pedestrians thanks them, the non thankers have to come from somewhere, presumably non-MN demographics.

I disagree that this is not about safety to some extent- you have to assess, by looking with your eyes, at the car coming towards you to see if it will stop. Eye contact and guessing what the car is doing is important where there's no red light to stop the traffic- so it's a social negotiation, and as you say, a social convention is then to acknowledge what they did.

It doesn't matter that you aren't thankful, that's the convention for the majority of people, it's quite rare people don't acknowledge you in some way, and those that don't usually stare straight ahead and march across, which is more dangerous than risking eye contact with the car coming towards them and thus having to have a more human moment.

So strange that this is a big deal for you. I say thanks to lots of people though. Most of my students thank me when they leave my lecture hall these days.

How can you be so sure?

Perception from decades of driving experience.