AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

You can really tell who the car drivers are on this thread. The entitlement is palpable.

Eh ?
I do drive, yes, but I am also a pedestrian.
I don't have a 'sense of entitlement' as a driver, but I do have what I have always considered good manners.
You don't even have to raise a hand. When I've been crossing the road with a pram in one hand and holding a small child's hand with the other hand, I've just nodded and smiled or mouthed thank you.

But is we are going for 'what-if-eries', what if any of those things applied to the driver? It might make a BIG difference to that person if someone smiles at them at that moment.

I don't think anyone is disagreeing having a go at someone just because they have no manners is a good thing.

He could drive past but he’d be breaking the law. That’s the point. He has to stop. You don’t need to thank them. But equally it doesn’t hurt if you do.

I always raise a hand to say thank you, it takes literally a second and I just think it’s nice to do. Not sure I buy the logic that you can’t do it because you’re pushing a pram, I always have and now my 2 year old also raises her hand😂

I also don’t really see the “I don’t say thank you because it’s the law, they have to do it” because where does that end? Do you not say thank you to the waitress who brings your food over in a restaurant because by that same logic she HAD to do that, so doesn’t deserve a thank you? Same with the barista who makes your coffee, do you not say thank you because they have to do that?

YANBU. Some of these answers are crackers. They don’t stop as a favour to you, they stop because it’s the law 😂😂

Do drivers thank pedestrians patiently waiting for a green man. No. Same logic! Many people do say thank you, I do sometimes because my mum did it growing up. But I’m not actually thankful 😆

You don't have to thank anyone. Ever. But surely you do?

For example when a waiter brings food to your table in a restaurant do you say thank you then? Under your rules you shouldn't have to because they had to bring it to you as it's their job.

I say thank you to drivers who stop to let me cross. It's just nice. I say thank you to pedestrians who don't leap out in front of my car without looking (there are an awful lot who do!) and let me turn into a road when I have tons of cars behind me. It's just nice. I say thank you to bus drivers when I pay, and when I get off the bus. It's just nice.

There are tons more examples - the person serving me in the post office, the waiter at a restaurant, the person who holds a door for me and waits a little longer than they needed to in order to do so, the person who steps aside to let me pass in a narrow alley, the person who confirms I'm over 25 in the supermarket, and so many more.

I don't know why you wouldn't. It costs nothing and takes seconds. Why not be a little bit nicer than you actually have to be? If more people were just a bit nicer than they have to be to their fellow human beings the world would also be a little bit nicer.

In my experience people generally say thankyou, its not hard even just a little nod will do.

Well it's not "technically" not in the Highway Code, it's got nothing whatsoever to do with the Highway Code. It isn't a technicality, it's a social convention that has no bearing on the safety of crossing the road - nobody needs to thank a driver in order to get safely across the road, but the driver does need to stop in order for that to happen. And maybe the majority of people you stop for say thank you, insofar as I've noticed it I'm pretty sure the majority I stop for at crossings don't thank me. Which is absolutely fine and I've never thought any of them were rude - we're barely even having a passing interaction, I don't need them to validate that I did the right thing by stopping for them.

I always wave a thanks, its polite but more than that - it is just the way our roads work. Like the little wave you do in a car when another driver lets you out.

Exactly this. If a car stops at a zebra crossing and the person crossing doesn't at least give a little nod of acknowledgement, or a small wave, (to the driver,) I just think that person is rude and ignorant... It takes a couple of seconds to do the decent thing and acknowledge them. The sort of person who ignores a driver who stops, is very likely the same sort of goes through a checkout and doesn't acknowledge the checkout operator. Acting like they think the checkout operator is beneath them. The sort of person who thinks nothing of pushing in when there is a queue, and who yells at the staff if there is a bit of a delay because of a technical issue.

As some people have said, common courtesy and basic decency makes the world go round.

@PedestrianAbuse YABU. I couldn't be arsed to yell at someone who can't be bothered to acknowedge me when I let them across a zebra crossing, but I would never yell at them. I have never ever seen that happen though, I have to say.

You don’t have to but it’s very British to do so. I remember going to Poland for the first time and realising cars have to legally stop at them so always do without fail. I was being really British and thanking them at first- they probably thought I was a weirdo! I do tend to put my hands up to thank naturally.

I feel like it’s part of British culture to thank in this event. It’s a bit like queuing. It’s just what we do in this country

It's not a "protest" - I'm not actively not thanking them, I'm just concentrating on getting across the road without getting mowed down by a cyclist or another vehicle that doesn't fancy stopping. I'm not actually thinking about it because to me it's a totally neutral thing - I don't need to thank them, nor do I need to walk across the road flicking a V sign at them. I just...cross and carry on with my journey, just like they carry on with theirs.

Why are people using this argument? It makes no sense. The waitress etc are providing a service. Of course they should be thanked. A random car driver is not providing any sort of service. They just stopped driving for a minute.

It's not rude not to thank drivers for following the law. Who else are you thanking, men that walk past without assaulting you?

I think it's ruder to not stop to let someone cross at a crossing. Which happens far more than someone not being forever grateful to some driver who obeyed the law.

It's ironic that you're calling me bad mannered whilst simultaneously calling me ignorant - presumably meant in the pejorative sense. Insulting people on the Internet is pretty bad mannered in my book - I've tried to engage with people on this thread constructively and politely whether they agree with me or not. But I guess you're morally superior because you wave at people on zebra crossings, which means you can say what you like and I'm fair game for insults.

Because the logic is the same. You are saying the drive doesn’t deserve a thank you because they HAVE to stop. A waitress doesn’t bring your food to your table because she wants to or out of the kindness of her heart, she’s being paid to and has no choice. If the need for a “thank you” stems from someone doing something they want to do, to be kind, then neither a driver at a crossing or a waitress deserves a thank you.

well quite a lot of people on here OP not just me… and I didn’t say I shouted at anyone did I? I would just think you were very rude. Which you clearly are.

Yes! I usually say “thank you” when I get off the bus. I’ve noticed quite a lot of older people in my part of London say “Thank you Driver” as well.

This is where the wee half wave comes in. It basically translates as, ‘thanks for not knocking me down but you’re not some kind of hero so that’s all you’re getting.’

The question isn’t whether you HAVE to thank them, the question is why you’re such a miserable bugger that you don’t do it automatically! Good manners cost nothing 😝

A postman has to deliver your post - if he hands it to you do you not say thank you? Add a thousand other ‘has to’ type situations and you have your answer. You nod, mouth thanks, raise your hand off the pram handle a fraction or wave a thank you, it’s basic manners.

it’s just a nice thing to do and costs nothing.