AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

[PedestrianAbuse]

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

Not really. I find it irritating, I automatically glance elsewhere to avoid being irritated. That's all. It's very rare I spend any time clarifying why it irritates me!

You're the only person I have ever encountered (online or off) who hates being thanked. That is a very unusual reaction IMO. Even if it isn't strictly necessary, most people think it's a positive thing to be thanked.

I agree with this, and also someone might change their mind depending on the reasons argued.

I voted YANBU and haven't changed my mind based on the reasons people have given for thinking otherwise.

For that poster it might be a ND thing now she's explained more. I cant remember the last time I wasn't thanked on a zebra crossing unless it was kids. For adults though, it's a natural transaction.

Only in that specific circumstance. Sharing pulling in to passing places etc, or allowing someone to cross at a non-designated place I absolutely expect thanks as normal.

No, not ND as someone has just suggested.

Well the majority has spoken … you are BU and are rude.

For that poster it might be a ND thing now she's explained more.

'ND' people are not inherently rude, and usually have a better understanding of social conventions than most after a lifetime of fitting in.

I am curious to know where this zebra crossing is that has multiple drivers failing to stop on a regular basis. Naples? 😁

They dont have to stop by any means though whilst you are still on the pavement.

I can tell you it's in London! Crossings installed by the local council, not the mafia...

@PedestrianAbuse I stopped at a crossing this morning for someone. No little wave. *

....was it you, op 🧐

*I had already preloaded my steering wheel reciprocating wave ready to deploy.

Left me in the awkward position of waving to someone who had not waved first

We thank people for neutral things all the time though.

In a restaurant when a waiter gives you your food, or they take your plate. They're doing the bare minimum, you're giving them money, they're providing a service, it's a neutral interaction. You still say thanks.

The thanks when someone stops at a zebra crossing isn't a thankyou in a traditional sense, it's an acknowledgement that your existence has caused someone else to have to do someone.

It's like the "Sorry" when you open the door to a public bathroom just as someone else is about to open the door to come out, and it makes you both jump slightly. Neither of you has done anything wrong, you've not tried to scare each other, you've nothing to apologise for. But the flurry of "Sorry"s from both sides is just a social convention acknowledging that your existence in the space has affected the other person in some tiny way.

It just makes the world run a tiny bit more smoothly, nothing more.

It’s weird you don’t understand basic manners, why does it matter if the person is right in front of you or in a car?

Thank you for explaining that. I hadn't wanted to appear ignorant over something that could have been a contributory factor. 😊

This thread should have taught you never to assume you're getting a wave! 😜

Maybe the poster assumes that not everyone is a rude as you … unfortunately they were wrong on this occasion.

Why wouldn’t you get anything else done? Pretty dramatic outlook. Saying thank you, quick hand lift or a nod while carrying on doing what you’re doing anyway, takes absolutely no extra time out of your day, so you’ll still get the exact same amount of things done that you were doing anyway 😂
it actually does come across as rude, I know you said it’s not a teaching moment, but it is for your child, teaching your kid to be polite in every opportunity possible is always a teaching moment, wouldn’t the world be a far better place if everyone was kind enough to acknowledge the people around them, give a little smile, nod or a wave to others throughout the day, even at zebra crossings when you feel too entitled and up superior to do it. It costs you ZERO time to do it within those moments you’re walking across in front of them, or in every other situations through your daily routine. People are ignoring each other more and more as the years go on, before you know it the whole world will be walking round like zombies not making eye contact with anyone at all and conversations be non existent, be part of the solution not part of the problem!! Your kid watches and observes everything you do even when you don’t realise it, don’t raise a generation of adults who go out of their way to avoid acknowledging those around them, it takes no effort to smile and be kind to strangers.

It's hardly "dramatic" to point out that if you thanked every single person you came across in your daily life who decided not to actively do you harm, you would spend a lot of time saying thank you and not much time doing anything else. The point I (and a number of other posters, all of whom are overlooked by the politeness police in their desperation to say that "everyone thinks you're rude") have been making is that drivers are supposed to stop at zebra crossings, they haven't done a special favour if they do and they certainly aren't doing a special favour by obeying the law and staying put once I'm in the road. So the only thing they are doing is following the law and not actively harming me - which is kind of a basic principle for life and one I don't thank people for in any other circumstance that I can think of. There are people on this thread who think stopping at a crossing is a special favour and worthy of thanks - that's fine, but I disagree and haven't seen any compelling arguments to change my view on it.

And thank you for the lecture on parenting, but I'm confident I will have plenty of opportunities over the coming years to teach my child good manners. I clearly wasn't brought up to give thanks at zebra crossings, yet I suspect pretty much everyone who knows me in real life (you know, as opposed to randomers making wild assumptions on the internet) would, if asked, describe me as having good manners. So I don't think you need to worry about how my child is going to turn out.

Its a motor (ha!) reflex 🫠🫥

This is all car motornormativity in action.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motonormativity

They are being unreasonable, they may WANT to be thanked and many people may give them a quick wave of the hand but there is no requirement to thank them and they’re only doing what the Highway Code requires of them. I bet they’re the sort of people who give way to other cars when they’ve got right of way and hold up all the traffic behind them unnecessarily!

It's polite but I don't get angry if someone didn't thank me..I'd just shrug and carry on with my day. You have to stop so what difference does it make?

But it isn't courtesy. Drivers legally have to stop for pedestrians at zebra crossings.

It's a lawful requirement, they are not stopping out of courtesy, they are stopping in order to comply with the law.

They don't have to stop at all. Only if a pedestrian is already on the crossing.