Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

[ellie09]

Hi all,

Am I right to be slightly miffed (not hugely, though)?

My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party.

The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week.

Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

is it because lots of family are in town for your wedding so they will be able to join in?

I can see why you’re miffed but 4 days before is a fair bit - no one is going to be hungover form it and ruin their enjoyment of your wedding for example.

Hmm. You know your sister and her likely intentions I guess, but I agree that's an odd thing to do.

No, its happening local to our family and we all live relatively close to each other (within 3 miles).

My sister announced her wedding after mine, and booked it in for just before mine. I was engaged under a year, so she organised hers in about a month flat. I ignored everyone who said it felt off at the time, and decades later, realise it was a horrible thing to do. It was a pattern of behaviour I was so used to, I couldn’t see it at the time, but now I realise it was awful.
I am sorry OP.

Yeah, that seems intentional…

No, she's not usually an attention seeking type etc. Quite quiet etc. She is young though - 19, so it may be some immaturity there (not thinking etc)

Look at it as a prequel and warm up to the main event.

Well it seems strange.

are you close? Do you live nearby? Why has she sent an invite without some discussion? My sister would say I’m thinking x, and I would say eh wedding that week!
My parents would never manage both in a week.

I think she’s out of order. A month after your wedding would be more appropriate

Yanbu

Seems a but of a mean thing to do, given that you are all relatively local unless there are some friends who are home from abroad.

It must be on a pretty random day of the week? I'd be annoyed about that too, it just seems unnecessary.

They aren't in a hurry to get married either!

Its a Saturday and our wedding is the following Wednesday.

One of those things that wouldn't bother me in the least but I can see it might bother some so I wouldn't do it. It wouldn't occur to me to think she had some nefarious intention because I don't understand what that intention might be.

What's the negative impact? That you aren't the centre of everyone's thoughts for an embargoed period around your wedding? I couldn't bring myself to think that way.

I had a friend who did this sort of thing. She had been engaged for a whlle and hadn’t organised a wedding at all. We got engaged and booked wedding for 9 months later she then booked her wedding for a month before ours. I did feel she wanted to be the one married first don’t really know why and also keep the spotlight on her as much as possible.

but obviously you can’t say anything but that is what I thought at the time. In retrospect I can see she is a weirdly competitive person.

It’s not great etiquette, I’m surprised your parents haven't said anything to her.

However rather than taking anything away from your wedding it’s probably going to be the other way round - all anyone is going to be able to talk about at her engagement party is your forthcoming wedding.

It wouldn't bother me. Unless you think she has picked that date deliberately then at worst it's just a bit thoughtless, and people are allowed to be thoughtless.

Your wedding is obviously the most important thing in the world to you right now, but it isn't to anyone else, really. You sister is probably just excited to be engaged.

We are hosting family the night before our wedding and my mum is helping me out with some of the prep. Theres going to be a LOT of running about from a week before the wedding.

Not to mention, most of the family are ALREADY paying out money to attend a wedding that week, so hard on pockets for some going.

Well if it's really inconvenient for people then lots just won't go to the engagement thing. It's no harm no foul to you.

It wouldn't bother me I would just be very happy for my sisters but they're not attention seeking types at all, infact it would probably be me telling them to book the best day that works for them.

If she's 19 then I woukd put it down to pure excitement and not anything malicious.

I likely wont be able to stay too long either - too much to do etc before the wedding. Going to be no money either as all be going to final payments for the wedding.

I wouldn't be too bothered about an engagement party, I don't see the need for them. I can't see too many people attending the engagement party in place of your wedding.

To me an engagement party is just a waste of money when you could be saving for a wedding. It's grabby.

She probably hasn't considered the date being close.

As she's only 19 and you said she isn't attention seeking then my view is that it isn't malicious. She knows that only 4 days before your wedding everyone is going to be really excited (but hopefully not too stressed) and is thinking it will make for a really lovely atmosphere for her party.

If she’s only 19 she may not have enough life experience to have thought of practicalities. Is it worth saying to her that you wondered if she might like to delay it by a month or so to let everyone focus properly on it and her when it happens?