Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

[ellie09]

Hi all,

Am I right to be slightly miffed (not hugely, though)?

My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party.

The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week.

Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

Is it possible for her to still move it? Or are invites sent?

You will be busy that weekend if the wedding is anything like my own!

My friend organised for her baby shower to be the weekend before my wedding (4 hours journey) and I had to decline.

Your situation very different though (worse) I would have a word if it's possible otherwise just let her know you might not be relaxed or able to come for long.

Why does everyone assume the date was entirely the sister's choice? She has a fiance. Presumably he (she?) has a family. Maybe the date suits them for some reason which they think is more important than op's wedding.

I think a month before is absolutely fine. Wedding season is typically quite short so it's hard to fit dates in with venues and key guests etc. Think you've massively over thought that one.

She is being U, but so is having your wedding on a Wednesday.

she is being unreasonable. I wouldn’t go and would make excuses that your to busy/no money for the wedding. What kind of person does that? Fair enough two weeks before but not 4 days!

My parents did in 1970 😆

Invites sent already - first time I heard about it was when I got the invite!

She is the youngest, and the golden child. Noone in my family would say anything.

It wouldn't bother me. It's only an engagement party, not her actual wedding.

Maybe just enjoy the break from your own planning/running around, and have a nice evening.

It's not for you to worry about other people's finances. If they can't afford to go, they won't.

I have already mentioned that I cant give an RSVP until very close to the time, as I have no idea how busy or stressed I will be until then

Speak to her about it.

Engagement parties are wanky . It used to be to start a couple on married life so typical gifts were towels, sheets , rolling pin 😅 , etc. Now there are people living together, bridal showers , etc. Don't think any of your relatives will be keen on this just before your wedding . Very silly of her.

As a guest I wouldn’t be too pleased as I’m introverted and having to attend two big events so close together sounds exhausting to me.
And having spend money on two gifts so close together too.

It wouldn't bother me. It's only a party, not an actual wedding. Surely it's just similar to a birthday party?

I'm of the opinion the more happy occasions we can have in families, the better.

You must be worried about her making such a committment at 19.

I have concerns, but it's none of my business

I’m musing on the fact that the engagement party is going to be a looong time after the engagement. Seems a bit weird not to have it at the time you, well, get engaged? (If at all. DD didn’t bother and has pull all effort into the wedding prep).

We didnt even bother having one - lol - all money we towards the wedding instead!

My initial thoughts were that it is very unreasonable of her, and could mean that people are a bit partied-out, and less enthusiastic for yours.

However, given yours is on a Wednesday, which means many attendees will be in work the next day, I would guess you aren't going for a big party atmosphere. It's still rude, but I don't think the impact will be huge.

from a guest point of view, I don’t think I would want to go to 2 family events in one week. Seems ott

As a parent I would be having very strong words with my child if they pulled that stunt on their sibling.

A small family celebratory engagement dinner, fine. An entire party less than a week before a sibling's wedding - no way.

I’ve never heard of an engagement party FFS how is that even a thing.

But I agree with you and I’d have to say something.

It’s incredibly selfish of her to expect your family to have double the expenses in such a short amount of time.

I am assuming that most people would be scrambling about the weekend before getting last minute bits for the wedding.

She can only be doing this because she’s jealous. There is no other reason.
To have it before the wedding instead of afterwards speaks volumes.

I would have to say it to her.

It’s a bit weird and I would be annoyed too I think OP. All your relatives are going to use up their “good chat” on her party and it will alter the atmosphere of your day. Has she got form for trying to steal your thunder?

I also wouldn’t want to attend a big party so close to my wedding as I would want to avoid the chance of getting ill!

I’ve turned down most engagement party invites I get. I don’t see the point.

ill celebrate people when they get married…I’m not doing it twice.

I do agree it’s ver strange timing, but shes done it now so just try not to think about it. Wedding trumps engagement party.

Kind of agree with you there. I don’t mind a small celebration with close family (a meal, drinks whatever) but I do find full blown parties a bit of a weird vibe. Especially when they don’t go onto actually get married any time soon, what was the point?