Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

[ellie09]

Hi all,

Am I right to be slightly miffed (not hugely, though)?

My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party.

The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week.

Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

Its out of order. I wouldnt do that and would be annoyed if my sister did that to me. Why cant she wait a few months. Or even two weeks later. I dont think there much to be gained by speaking to her about it if the invites have went out. Its shit. At best its thoughtless and at worst its just mean. She should let the focus be on your wedding ....4 days before doesnt do that. Not sure what i would do if i was you tbh (sorry not helpful) but hope you have the best wedding and are able to not let it bother you (easier said that done).

Assuming your wedding invitations went out some time ago and your guests have confirmed attendance/made arrangements for time off/bought presents (or know what they’ll get, then your DSis may find she gets a lot of declines and ends up moving the date of her party.

At least she is not announcing her pregnancy at your wedding, right? I mean, this is not a shot-gun engagement party?

I'm making some assumptions based on your golden child description so apologies if this feels wildly off.

My fear if you don't go to her party is that it will be an excuse to blame you for not being supportive. You don't want to give her ammunition before the wedding to turn people against your or suggest you are the jealous one.

Best to go and be serene about it. Smile at all the congratulations and excitement ahead of your wedding, which will be the obvious focus of conversation. Generously say how excited you are for your sister too every time it comes up.

Don't give any oxygen to potential drama and everyone with a brain will realise what an immature move she had made.

Indeed. Exhausting.
I wouldn't want to hear Uncle Don tell me the same story about his trip to Mallorca a second time round, and for that very reason I wouldn't be going to the engagement party.

Other people in the family MUST be raising an eyebrow at this weird date choice?!

Irrespective of whether it's deliberate, its a really shit idea.

It would be different if your sister’s party was the day before your wedding but I really can’t understand why this would be a problem if the two events are four days apart.

Sounds like a sibling rivalry thing she is probably jealous about the wedding and the attention you will.get, why haven't you said anything?

What will saying anything achieve when the invites are out to 99 people - yes, 99 people - and all of it is booked?

Apparently she has sent out 99 invites?

Our family is quite small - only about 12 close members, so I am inclined to think it is more of a get together of friends etc for a piss up.

My brother did this and set his wedding to the week before mine.

My Mum told him to fuck right off (without using swear words)

Wow! A month is really pushing it to organise a wedding. Are they still married?!

Very typical spoilt golden child behaviour!
I'd call in for an hour and leave her to it.

When did she send the invites?

I’d have to speak up on behalf on my family and tell her to change the date.

It’s so unfair on your family members.

Just sometimes, even if it won't change anything, people need to know when they're out of line.
So a cool calm 'no idea why you'd book it so close to our wedding' would be my approach.

4 days before wouldn't bother me at all. It's just a party, not another wedding.

With any luck people won’t be able to attend two parties in the same place so close together and, having already RSVPd yes for the OPs wedding, her attention grab engagement party will be a wash out

She's still technically a teenager. So perhaps on the immature side when everything in life is still about her. In years to come she may look back on this decision and be mortified.

Just enjoy her party as a gearing up for the main event, your wedding.

Hope you have a wonderful day! 🎉

I had loads of things to do in the days before my wedding. I wouldn't want the added stress of attending a party a few days before. You'd be quite reasonable to say you can't attend due to no time/too much to do/lack of funds etc

People attending will have already made arrangements and spent money on a wedding present. They won't want an engagement do just days before.

Strong likelihood it may be a quick 1 hour in then back home, luckily its only 2 min drive away.

It’s a shitty thing to do IMO she could have picked any week that’s as long as that one week was the only one available

I didn't think that engagement parties were a thing these days, although I remember them being popular back in the 80's / 90's. Showing my age now!

If she's young, she might just have not thought about it.
When l was getting married, our office junior (she was 17) was being married on the same day as me. And she sent me an invitation to her wedding.

Maybe - it was more that the minute I said we had booked hers was booked despite not having been that bothered previously and having been engaged for a whole.

at my hen night she caused a row and then was late for my wedding 🤪

just always everything has to be about her much as she’s a friend

Actually this has prompted me to tell a story about my own family which I think is bizarre but it’s about parents and children instead.

My cousin is getting married abroad. For various reasons to do with dates, annual leave, weather and a festival taking place in the location, the wedding date is the same weekend as her parents’ 40th wedding anniversary.

Originally they decided they were going to have a party the day after the wedding at their air BnB with all the hungover guests invited but have since found out they aren’t allowed to do that. All the wedding guests are invited to go down to the beach the day after the wedding instead apart from my uncle and aunt have still invited some select guests to a rival gathering at the air BnB at the same time to celebrate their anniversary. I find it most bizarre. If they want to celebrate, why not have a party a couple of weeks before or after when they will be able to invite their actual friends, not the friends of their daughter and a few family members?