Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

[ellie09]

Hi all,

Am I right to be slightly miffed (not hugely, though)?

My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party.

The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week.

Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

If she is 19 I highly doubt this engagement will ever lead to a wedding. Surely no one is even taking it seriously? All the weirder for her to be having it so close to your wedding!

Not for a long time - neither of them have full time jobs, live together etc

But why not? It’s only a party, and not a huge formal event. Surely it’s not unheard of for people to attend more than one social event in the space of a week? I can understand that some people migjt find it more difficult to attend ykur wedding on a Wednesday, but what’s wrong with a party on a Saturday night when a large proportion of people would be out anyway.

So it’s not even real then is it? 🤣 it’s two children trying to play grown up!

As I said though, this is just an engagement party. Sounds like most people are local and it doesn't have to involve expensive presents like weddings are more likely to.

@ellie09 Whilst I don't think you are BU at all OP, I would count yourself lucky that by getting engaged and having the party before your big day at least your sister will be unable to pull off the ultimate dickish trick of being proposed to at your wedding.

Well indeed. And how are they paying to host 99 guests? Is it your parents footing the bill?

I think that’s a bit off as well.

I assume it is just hire of the hall - its in the local dodgy pub, I think its about £50 to hire, so it wouldn't have cost much

I did think this too - maybe its a blessing that all the theatrics will be out of the way for the big day

BIL (also favourite child) did this to us not just once but twice. He had a quick and small civil wedding because his girlfriend was pregnant. The following year we got engaged, and said we were getting married the next year. He then planned a 'blessing' (complete with white dress, bridesmaids, massive meal etc) for the week before our wedding in the country his wife came from. So all the guests on DHs side of the family had to travel across Europe from their blessing to our wedding.

Anyway, fast forward 25 years and we are planning a party for our silver wedding anniversary. Guess who decides to get married for the second time that week. Yup, BIL. You couldn't make it up could you? (I should point out that if it had been an 'ordinary' wedding anniversary I wouldn't have cared, it was that it was specifically our silver wedding anniversary and they knew we were planning an event for our anniversary).

I look forward to receiving an invite to wedding no 3 on our golden wedding anniversary.

If there is no particular reason (and it sounds like not) then yes I think it’s out of order to choose that week out of the other 51 in the year!
I guess she doesn’t know what the run up to a wedding is like or that people will already be spending their time and money going to your wedding a few days later. 99 people in a pub sounds horrible so she probably wouldn’t notice if you or others only went for a short time. I would definitely want to ask her why she chose that date

My sister announced her engagement shortly after my engagement. I was planning my low key (September) wedding and it was completely overshadowed by her very extravagant plans for her (December) wedding. Every single conversation was about her wedding, mine did not get a look in (not that I gave a shit). Anyway, I got married in the September, then in October my sister announced that she’s getting married in a registry office with 2 witnesses only so no one was invited.

for months I’d listened to her non stop talk about her wedding as I was planning mine - and as soon as my wedding was over, she completely went low key and didn’t talk about her wedding at all.

very strange behaviour but she has a habit of ‘stealing thunder’ …

If she doesn’t have a track record of behaving in such a way, I’d put this one down to her being young and naive. From the sounds of things, the engagement party will be mostly for her friends anyway, and I’d assume most of them won’t be at your wedding.

Is she involved in your wedding in any kind of role, like a bridesmaid? Maybe she’s doubling up on the events she can do with her nails freshly done or something!

Well most people discuss plans with each other or did she just not say when the party was until the invites out? You could have said that is close to the wedding isn't it and left it to her to explain why.

I'm no bridezilla, but organising an engagement party four days before your sister's wedding is really inconsiderate. I was crazy busy in the week or two before my wedding, so I would have found it hard to squeeze in an engagement party. And I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it - I'd have been thinking of all the things I still needed to do.

It's putting a lot of pressure on family and close friends too (those who will be attending both events). Not to mention the cost of the night out and an engagement present. I'm surprised nobody in the family has taken her aside and said it to her.

I would imagine the bigger risk is that the topic of your wedding will completely takeover her engagement party. It is strange but I wouldn't worry.

Ok yes definitely just let her get on with it. Her 87 (!) friends will have a blast and presume none of them will cross over into your wedding? Perhaps some of the family won’t go anyway.

She could still announce something else …

If people have already budgeted for your wedding, I assume they will just pop in to her party, if local, and then go and leave the partying to her 19 year old friends. Can't imagine people are going to spend much money on a 19yo getting engaged. Will leave it for the wedding

@MyAutumnCrow a potential new addition to the family?

I think it’s most inconsiderate of all the guests who’ll have to dress up, get babysitters, buy gifts for two events in the same week.

I personally wouldn't think too much of it, although it's clear that you don't like her much from your comments - 'She's the golden child, she's getting engaged at a young age, you didn't even bother with an engagement party - lol, her party is just an excuse for a piss up, she's sent 99, yes 99, invites, its in the local dodgy pub' etc. You actually sound quite sneery.

An engagement party is very different to a wedding - different vibe etc, and as you have said that there are only 12 family members going, it is going to have very little - if any - impact on your wedding, as presumably the rest of their 99 guests are either his family or their friends, so won't be at your wedding. I'm sure those 12 family members are capable of going to a party and a wedding in the same week or politely declining if they can't. They all live close you said, so it's not going to cost much. Also, saying that you don't know how stressed or tired you are going to be ahead of your wedding on Wednesday as a reason for not RSVPing sounds disingenuous to me. If you really wanted to go, you would, even just popping in for an hour or two. I'm not saying you should go, but just be honest. Focus on your wedding, if there are literally a dozen family members invited to both, it won't affect/take the attention away from your day.

They really don't have to do any of that. I wouldn't take a gift to an engagement party and it wouldn't occur to me that it was expected. Not would I dress up. It would be night at the pub in jeans territory for me. And it's all entirely voluntary.