4th baby at 40

[Kiddiesmama]

AIBU to want to have one last baby. I have 3 and absolutely love being a mum and can’t get enough of my kids 😅 My youngest is still very little so I wouldn’t be able to try for another until I’m around 40. Am I risking too much? I’m thinking potential disabilities of the baby and it would also be my 4th section. Plus the risk of multiples which I know goes up with age.

A fourth would affect the time and resources available for your current children.
Even more so if ND - I would look into what that could look like, there's various posts from parents of ND children where you can get an impression of the impact.

Yes this is what I’m worried about, it’s a gamble isn’t it.

I think everyone’s family circumstances are different and only you know of practically and financially and healthwise this would work.

Lots of my friends have kids close together (like only one school year apart) and I think that if you’re thinking of adding another one into the family mix leaving a gap or not is personal preference - I think If you want another I’d maybe start trying now!

The risk of disability rises gradually with age; there isn't a sudden cliff that you fall off on your 40th birthday.

Lots of people have a child at this age.

My baby is only 6 months old 🙈I understand it should be at least 18 months between sections so I guess I could start trying when the baby is 9 months. I am breastfeeding though so I’m not sure how easy it would be to conceive so soon ( although my periods have returned).

That’s helpful to know, thank you.

Did you mention that your third is still very young?
If so, I also felt like this when my third was a baby. I was so happy and content and firmly in the bubble for a good 2 years!
Now I have an 11, 7 & 4 year old and my plate is very very full.
I work part time. Money is tight because the world has gone crazy, space is tight, resources tight. Eldest goes to secondary school in September and does a lot of sport, so lots of extra curricular, youngest two are full on. They are all full on!!
When my third was a baby I would have loved a 4th. As they get older I’m stretched giving them everything they need, as they have gotten older they need more.
might be worth thinking about.

How are things going with three, op? Or are you still in the baby stage trenches? You know your family, the resources available to you and your circumstances best. So, I wouldn't dismiss your own judgement based on the assumptions of people who have a different set of cards.

Fwiw, I have three 18, 17, 12 now and it only ever got easier as they grew. Sometimes I wish I'd been braver and had a fourth but, what can you do, it is what it is.

People for thousands of years have had babies after 40 years of age. I don't think society is going to give you the answers you want/need.

Yes, very young and I do get that feeling of longing for more after each baby. I do think about the money side. We would manage but obviously it does put limits on things like holidays etc. If money was no object I would 100% go for it I think.

I wouldn't have another c section to be honest. Think about your health first.

Are you mad.
Think of the teen years to come, the expense.
Parenting may continue throughout your 50s do you want any freedom back.

If its what you really want go for it but couldn't.

If your baby is only 6months old then the hormones are racing

i dont think 40 is too old. I know a few who had their last at 42/43. However imm not sure that having so many children is a responsible thing in this day and age from a sustainability point of view

I would say it’s chaos because all 3 are very young but we’re happy 😅 it’s almost like another one would make little difference from a management pov. It’s more the health risks and the finances that are making me question it. We would be ok financially but it would limit disposable income we have for fun/optional items. I also worry about being able to help with things like house deposits etc in the future.

My previous 3 sections were super easy with smooth recovery. Maybe that’s why I’m not worried toooo much about that part. I know the risk of complications increases with each one though.

The tfr is at 1.41, we have an inverted population pyramid, I don't think the op is going to tip the balance with one more.

I had my 3rd and last at 40 (my other two were 18 and 7 at the time, I really don’t do pregnancy well, hence the big gaps).

No one, not one dr or midwife batted an eyelid or told me any horror stories. I was the one who brought up my age a few times and they all used to look at me like I was a bit mad.

During section (I had electives for all 3), the consultant even said, “I think you would be more than fine to have another section in the future.”

Another one of his team laughed at me when I said this would be my last as I was old, and he said, “don’t be daft, you are young still, I see far older mothers than you with healthy babies and pregnancies.”

I really wasn’t expecting that, I was expecting stories of horror and gloom.

When would you say the hormones settle? I conceived my 3rd when my middle was 1.5 years so I’m guessing it might take a few years.

so shall we all have 4+ kids shall we?

on a separate point the cost of brining up 4 kids will be astronomical
nothing is getting any cheaper

Yes possibly a little bit mad 😅my husband says the same but he would have another if that’s what I wanted.

It’s a good job you aren’t the Op then, isn’t it.

Wow that all sounds really positive! Congrats on your family!

I would be worried about 4 csections! I’ve only had 2 and on my second had all sorts of issues with adhesions from my first. It’s caused me long term bladder damage. I’ve actually just had to have major surgery to reconstruct my bladder. I thought I wanted another baby but I would rather be there for my existing children!

Risks are small but they shouldn’t be ignored.

Ermm, no they haven’t actually. You might want to research that one a bit.

Ask your doctor about a fourth section. I know people who have had three, but I believe a fourth carries more risk.
I had my kids at 41 and 43, so age is ok in my opinion. How does your partner feel about it?