4th baby at 40

[Kiddiesmama]

AIBU to want to have one last baby. I have 3 and absolutely love being a mum and can’t get enough of my kids 😅 My youngest is still very little so I wouldn’t be able to try for another until I’m around 40. Am I risking too much? I’m thinking potential disabilities of the baby and it would also be my 4th section. Plus the risk of multiples which I know goes up with age.

Sorry to hear that! See all my sections were smooth sailing with perfect recovery so I’m probably biased.

I had 2 under 2, 3 under 4, and now I'm at 3 under 6 - although I never wanted a fourth I'd say wait until your 3rd is an actual person because mine is a demanding little diva and she's hard work 🤣

Yes my first section was so easy I had no idea until they opened me up for my second! After the first I was in Sainsburys 3 days later. I’m 5 months on from my second section and I still have a catheter.

What’s your working situation? Are you a SAHM, working FT or part time?

I had one at 39 with absolutely no issues at all but if I were you I’d stop at 3 rather than have a 4th c-section and the possible complications that could come with that.

@Notmyrealityyes they absolutely did. As far as recorded have e usted there are reports of women (like court and parish records from the Medieval ages) having kids into their early 40s. And anecdotally my grandmother (born in the late 1800s) had two children after 40, my mother had her last at 40, I had two in my 40s.

Exactly why I’m not having another!

Haha my 3rd is so easy so far so that’s not helping 😅

SAHM at the moment.

Are we playing that game where we pretend that all women would have four children were it not for a creaking planet and withered financial resources? Give over.

Even with money to burn, people will chose to limit their family size because it doesn't appeal to them. And that's fine. It takes more energy, it requires a particular personality, a different set of principles and values that are different but not better or worse.

Meanwhile, the op having an additional child wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

Don't need to but thanks

Your risk of genetic abnormalities like Down’s does increase with age but at 40 isn’t a huge risk. It depends on many variables and the age of your partner has an impact too. At 40 I wouldn’t be worried about this, I got pregnant with my first at 40 !

No, i wouldn’t risk it. What if the fourth has disabilties? My friend did this, her fourth child is constantly in & out of hostipal and needing to go to GOSH for visits and then one of her oldest children developed medical issues and she’s now very stressed.

All my great great grandmothers had children after forty. I had my last baby at 43, and I feel I would have had one or two more if it wasn’t for contraception. My gt gt grandmothers had first babies in their early twenties, then last babies around 44/45.

Do you have any teens yet? Or tweens
the thought of four teenagers would give me pause that’s for sure
babies and young kids are much less work and expense especially if you’re a SAHM
once they hit senior school - hormones, exams, need for space and privacy, emotional issues - it’s bloody hard work

If you want a 4th I’d say start trying as soon as it will give you the full 18months then.
good luck 🤞

No, but I believe you that it’s hard!

I can imagine and I am thinking about those sort of risks.

That's not a universally true experience.
I think it's just the parents lumbered with Hellions think they are all the same and those with nice kids tend to keep schtum. But they're not all the same and I've found it really easy. Anyway, you can have a look here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4889937-does-anyone-enjoy-having-teenagers-prefer-it-to-having-little-kids

I would consider a bit how it will be like when they’re older and each has their own hobby and activities. I think already with 3 if they’re very different it could get quite busy. I image with four you would have to be quite strict on what they can do.
You also will have to cater for different ages a lot and the more kids you have the harder it can get to do things as a family.

Read all the posts about parents struggling to finance uni fees (if in England) and work out if you could afford that times 4! Teens can be hard work and expensive.

Yeah I do worry about that

That thread is so positive. Would love to ask their parents about their parenting methods that resulted in lovely teens

I don’t think the age is the huge issue, plenty of folk start their families later these days and have a baby at say 38 and 40.

For me it would be the stretch- financially, emotionally, logistically as the kids get older. How old are your eldest two now?

We have 3. Now 12, 9 and 6. In my baby bubble 6 years ago we hadn’t ruled out a 4th close to the 3rd. I was 34 when I had our 3rd. We decided to stick at 3 as costs started rising sharply after baby no.3 and I’m so glad we did.

It makes a huge difference to quality of life for older 2 in particular. Their needs have shifted a lot since they were 6 and 3 when baby no.3 born. They are much more expensive these days with hobbies, clothes, activities with friends etc. Need taking to more places that I would find a massive pain with lots of littles in tow.

Your existing 3 children may well benefit more from you being able to bring additional income into the house as youngest gets older rather than another sibling.

That’s how we’ve kept pace, me working more as they’ve got older (I was very part time when they were tiny).

I work about 30 hours now so have good balance of being there for them most days after school and also being able to say yes to horse riding/ sports/ holidays/ bday parties/ school residentials/ days out etc etc. Things would be much tighter if we’d had another and delayed me going to work more/ youngest in school.

I think when they are under 8-10 they don’t care/ notice what they haven’t got as much. 10+ defo appreciate they have lots of great opportunities and experiences. So for us it was more about what’s best for the 3 we have got, rather than my maternal desire. I don’t regret it now at 40 or feel I’ve missed out now that ship has sailed for us with youngest being 6.

Good luck whatever you decide xxx

I don’t think 40 is too old!

But you mentioned a few factors such as 4th c section, money would be tighter / cutting back on holidays. I would personally stick at 3 x