4th baby at 40

[Kiddiesmama]

AIBU to want to have one last baby. I have 3 and absolutely love being a mum and can’t get enough of my kids 😅 My youngest is still very little so I wouldn’t be able to try for another until I’m around 40. Am I risking too much? I’m thinking potential disabilities of the baby and it would also be my 4th section. Plus the risk of multiples which I know goes up with age.

Its too hot to think about having another kid

Get yourself next to a fan, eat a magnum and thank fuck you arent pregnant

One of my friends was in your position. She decided to go for number 4. Who turned out to be numbers 4 and 5. Apparently twins are more likely over 40.

Years ago I would have said go for it, however ive now got three teenagers (with a two year age gap between each) and I would say maybe not. Its physically exhausting when they are young but ive found its very mentally exhausting having teens, for me the shift has been from being exhausted running after small kids to now worrying alot about their mental health and their adult lives. Plus teens are very expensive. But you know your own life and your own ability so what I find stressful you could find a breeze!

We’re in very similar positions OP and I really relate to how you’re feeling, so following with interest! Same age, 3 kids, 3 c sections, youngest is 5 months old, a big part of me would love to try for a fourth. Don’t feel like I have any wisdom to add but I hope you find clarity. There’s so much to weigh up. One thing worth noting is I think the recommended 18 month gap is between your last c section and getting pregnant again, not between two c sections. But still wouldn’t add masses of time.

That's because your 3rd is still a potato 🤣

Oh I know but I mean in comparison to the other two when they were babies.

im glad it’s not just me! If someone had told me 6 years ago I would have 3 let alone 4 babies I would have laughed at them! But the more I have the more I love it (even though it’s hard!). Good to know about the gap but due to my age I don’t think I would wait that long to start trying.

Wasn’t suggesting mine were hellions (!?)but normal teenagers who are NT and even so it’s an absolute slog at times - but the things listed are factors which you as a parent have no control over
nice or not exams, stress, hormones etc all teens go through - times that by 4 well …
anyway you’ve breezed through it all - that’s not a universal experience either and a mum with young kids cannot envision teens IMHO

Your age isn’t an issue but the fact that it’s your 4th may be, unless you’re absolutely rolling in it.

sadly not!

Are you just putting off returning to work?

Can you afford to put 4 through university?

If you have this baby, how do you know you won’t still want just one more?

im already worried about age and multiple sections so would 100% not go for more!

No, it’s not that. I kind of look forward to earning again at some point but I don’t think I would go back to the traditional 9-5 in any case. Looking at some freelancing options.

If you can afford it go for it. My sister is a wonderful mother to 4 kids, they want for nothing, because her husband is high earning she can stay home with them comfortably. They all want for nothing both materially and emotionally and are such a close knit gang. I never wanted more than 2(which I have) but sometimes looking at hers I feel a little pang of maybe I should have had more.

Aw, we all have our limits, be it finacial, emotional etc so it’s definitely not for everyone and there are lots of benefits to having 2. For me, the financial
side is a worry with me being a SAHM. We would be ok but the holidays would be less fancy etc

I have three. I would have tried for a fourth had I not had a v high risk of twins (already had one set).

Now they are all late teens am v glad I didn’t. @Newbookandcupofcoffee describes my opinion perfectly. My teens are gorgeous gorgeous people but parenting is hard at this stage of life and expensive and having three is A LOT.

I think finances are the biggest factor. I have to buy my kids new shoes every four months or so because of growing feet. Could you afford that by four? The expense of four kids is huge.

So will you want a 5th after number 4?

What about concentrating on the DC you have? How much time does your DH get to spend with each DC?

You’re being very blasé about this. Your luck may run out.

I know it may, which is why I mentioned that I’m worried about having another section. The fact that my 3 previous ones were such positive experiences means that is not the main thing I worry about. I might ask my doctor about this actually and see what he says.

I think it depends on how you envisage the next 10-15 years logistically. We have three and it’s very full on, but just about manageable! The people I know with four either have an army of help (Nannies, cleaners, and high earning jobs x2), or they’re very family oriented with one SAHP, a bit more “make do and mend” attitude and slightly chaotic. Generalisation but the trends I’ve seen!

Not sure how old yours are but are you happy with your weekends being clubs, birthday parties, teaching them to ride a bike etc x4 for many many years? I love my kids more than anything but third time round I was tired of baby classes and certain things that were more fun the first two times. Can’t imagine doing it again!

I’m nit saying it didn’t happen. I’m challenging the assertion implying that it was common and normal. Which it wasn’t until fairly recently - post WWII has seen a massive jump in older women giving birth.

I had my 5th at 39 all was fine do what’s best for you xxx

We don’t have an army as others say btw, I work part time my husband full time. We have grandparents that moderately help. We don’t have loads but we are happy. Would love some fancy holidays etc but grateful for what we have xxx