AIBU to think my boyfriend’s views on women’s age are misogynistic?

[SapphireSteel28]

I have had an unexpected argument with my boyfriend. I was talking about a friend’s struggle with online dating (this was how we met) and mentioned that she had set her age parameters to 45-65 and she is 54. He laughed and said she was silly to think a 45 year old would be interested in a woman of her age, and said that when he was 45 he was with a woman of 33. He is six years older than me. I said I thought his attitude was misogynistic and that if « age is just a number » as he has said when discussing his two ex wives who were both 12 years younger her, then that should apply both ways. He tried to placate me by telling me that I look ten years younger than I am, but that’s not my point.
I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth.

AIBU to think that his attitude is misogynistic ?

I don’t go far at all from my own age - personal preference. Your bloke has a preference-and I guess everyone can have one. It’s how he’s phrasing it that is quite revealing of who he is/what he means.

There are many guys my age on OLD who seem to think they deserve much younger, attractive ladies - honestly some of them clearly don’t look in a mirror at their physical or other characteristics selves.

I don’t like to think too hard why they have such a preference- but the sheer entitlement and treating women as objects just to enhance their own status is equally concerning- I fear you have one of these.

Only you know if his thoughts on women and what they deserve spread wider - though this is bad enough imo.

Best of luck.

Of course not. Don’t be silly. Its a preference held by some. Some prefer older and some are not worried either way. All things can be true at once, you’re just making an argument for arguing’s sake.

He would feel that way because many men think women depreciate in value as they age. It would seem your boyfriend is one of those men

Not at all. I was single for 9 years after I was widowed with two young kids. I was enjoying the relationship.

How do you feel about it now, OP?

So he's not just saying the target is for men to date their own age, he's saying your relationship is only acceptable because you look at least 10 years younger than him so his own sense of vanity is fulfilled by how you look? urgh.

Absolute nonsense. I’m 33 and get along very well with colleagues who are 20-25 years older than me. We definitely share interests too and can easily chat about current affairs for example which has no age limit!

Your boyfriend was clearly being misogynistic. Many (most?) men prefer women around their own age, sometimes older as well. I think when you reach your 40s age becomes more irrelevant.

Not necessarily misogynistic.
I can't sugar coat it, men on the whole prefer younger women.
(Of course preference and reality do not always align.
Especially if they're unsuccessful losers.
In reality most of them take what they can get.
Talk hot young blonde get... Somebody else entirely.
Most men to be fair realise the massive gap between fantasy and reality and be quiet.
How real is the chances of this specimen getting what he wants? Because to be honest, he sounds like a right berk to be saying it out loud.)

Just like women on the whole prefer older men.

All these silly examples about Sienna Miller and Joan Collins get on my nerves. They're not the norm.

It's not all doom and gloom though.
In a marriage where a couple met and married young, provided the marriage is happy, the man tends to see his wife in the same way or ignore her ageing.

It's very touching, actually.

He bought you butt plugs after five dates and you’re still with him?

Where’s your self esteem?

It is extremely misogynistic and indicative of manosphere esque views, I would be very wary and look into these viewpoints further so you can identify other warning signs of his misogyny.

Why do you need to know why he feels that way? How is that going to change anything. He's making sweeping lazy generalisations about age, he's an idiot. Why are you with him, does he enhance your life in any way?

My ex. Wanted a younger woman. Wanted a hot younger woman.

Loved the fact that I was younger. Loved the fact that I was attractive.

Threatened by the fact that I was younger and therefore my career was on the up and that I out earned him. Didn't like the fact that because of my career advancement I was busy with work most of the time and resented all the opportunities I got because of it. Hated the fact that I was more attractive than him. Constantly tried to knock my confidence because of it.

I think REALLY he only wanted a hot younger woman for the kudos. What he really needed was a mousy, subservient, less intelligent, low earning 'little woman' who looked up to and admired him. I think this is really what most men need. Someone lesser. To look up to them. To be impressed by them.

Unfortunately, those women, the ones men really need, are thin on the ground because, frankly, although we might love our men, like them, want sex with them, enjoy being with them, find them attractive etc etc etc, most of the time we can't look up to them because they just aren't as impressive as women. I know LOADS of women I admire. Can only think of maybe 3 men I know in real life I look up to and admire. And those men aren't dude bro, alpha men. They're men who've nursed their partners through terrible illnesses, who have been really great fathers, who have been responsible or kind or gone out of their way to follow great principles.

Dont bother trying to understand. That is who he is....dismissive, superficial...rude.
Throw the fucker back.
(2 failed marriages....🤔 why am I not surprised)

Disappointed.

I think this is how I feel. I have wonderful female friends who I really admire and respect.

60-70% of marriages have each partner in 3 years span and another c. 15-20% in 3-5.

so to maximise chances keep it tight.

Joan Collins ‘ Brigitte Macron etc are massive outliers

its like saying my granny smoked 60 a day and lived to 90