AIBU to think my boyfriend’s views on women’s age are misogynistic?

[SapphireSteel28]

I have had an unexpected argument with my boyfriend. I was talking about a friend’s struggle with online dating (this was how we met) and mentioned that she had set her age parameters to 45-65 and she is 54. He laughed and said she was silly to think a 45 year old would be interested in a woman of her age, and said that when he was 45 he was with a woman of 33. He is six years older than me. I said I thought his attitude was misogynistic and that if « age is just a number » as he has said when discussing his two ex wives who were both 12 years younger her, then that should apply both ways. He tried to placate me by telling me that I look ten years younger than I am, but that’s not my point.
I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth.

AIBU to think that his attitude is misogynistic ?

He is very intelligent. This is the problem-it’s not a lack of understanding, it’s a mindset.

He sounds utterly grim and I am utterly blown away that you described him as boyfriend rather than ex. But if that’s your bar, go for it, one less dickhead in the pool.

and, he’s wrong. Loads of 30/40 something men are very interested in older women for all sorts of reasons, a very big one being that they don’t want kids.

He’s with you now because you look younger than you are. So keep on top of the skin care and health regime, OP.

Oh my god. One you're past your 40s, ONLY younger or older guys will be interested on dating apps!

Health issues really don’t appear at that age for most people. I didn’t have any at all until I was 70.

Is this the same delight that bought you butt plugs for your fifth date?

Ffs, off I go once again after reading mn to remind my daughters of their worth.

FFS, why are you even with this guy OP? Are your standards that low?

He has 2 ex wives and continuously dates younger women.

You'll be traded in too in a few years.

His comments are also immature.

Surely he has given you the ick.
He would me.
Sounds like a creep.

I also voted YABU but it's more complicated than that. I agree with you that his attitude is misogynistic but I think that expecting any different (from most men) would be unrealistic. Sad. But true.

IMO it's not a reason - on its own - to break up with him. (Edited for typo only).

YANBU to feel this way. I agree. He's right though.

Really really need to have a look at your definition of “ intelligent”.

Do you mean he’s quite good with sums?

It’s fine to have different views on relationships with an age gap. But it’s weird to apply different standards depending on whether the man or woman is the older one; that’s the part that would trouble me.

Lol at "very intelligent"

What OP describes wouldn't make me call the guy woman-hating.
Hence I vote YABU.

Ignorant or wrong, maybe, but not someone who feels "hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls."

I guess the word against is doing a lot in that phrase, but for me it would mean something very oppositional. I can't perceive that in what OP described.

Tell me you’ve never dated as a woman in your fifties without telling me

You lost me at two ex wives. Ick.

"Two ex wifes"😐

I would say sexist rather than misogynistic

I'm old enough to remember the lonely hearts columns in newspapers.

Men of any age invariably posted they were interested in meeting women aged 18+. For the older man there was usually a cut off at least ten years younger than they were. For example "M55 looking to meet F18-45 for ..."

Women tended to have a more realistic age range five years either side of their given age.

Cougars is a word now. Strange but true: it’s not to do with furry felines.

I'd find him and his opinions annoying, but I also think it's true that most men are attracted to and want to date women younger (or younger looking) than they themselves are, whether they admit it or not. Obviously there are exceptions, though, and youth doesn't trump all else.

He didn't need to comment on your friend's profile settings, one way or the other, and I'd think less of him for feeling the need to do so.

I went out with one of those.
Absolute arsehole.
He was a bit younger than me. Constant comments on why friends were single and a running narrative in women on TV who’d lost their looks. He said it once about Cat Deeley…
It was over ten years ago.
He was fascinated by a friend whose husband is 15 years younger. They are still together.
I have one friend who is a bit older. She was about 46 then and was going to be at a party and I said, listen, my friend is stunningly beautiful. Liz Hurley type. Please try not to stare at her.
He met her and was really rude and away from my earshot gave her a mouthful about her lowly profession - she ran a hair salon!
She never told me until we’d split up. He clearly was bowled over - you’d have to be blind not to be she’s just as gorgeous now and she’s nearly 60.
A lot of men like older women.
Yes the shallow ones want a much younger model and if that’s their preference, that’s their choice.
Oh and the arsehole who was younger? He was often mistaken as being 10 years older than me. Thank God that ended.

I think its natural to prefer younger partners so stay with him if you enjoy his company, but don’t marry him. The two much younger previous wives and him telling you you look even younger that the six years between you are a red flag imo.

I don’t think age is ‘just a number’. I’ve never dated anyone older than me (the biggest age gap being four years - I was 23 and he was 19, it lasted a year) and my DH (of 25 years) is eighteen months younger. I like that we had a lot of the same cultural experiences growing up even though we’re different nationalities and that we will stand a reasonable chance of growing old together.

I’m 55 and if I was dating now I wouldn’t date a man over 60, and that would be pushing it.