AIBU to think my boyfriend’s views on women’s age are misogynistic?

[SapphireSteel28]

I have had an unexpected argument with my boyfriend. I was talking about a friend’s struggle with online dating (this was how we met) and mentioned that she had set her age parameters to 45-65 and she is 54. He laughed and said she was silly to think a 45 year old would be interested in a woman of her age, and said that when he was 45 he was with a woman of 33. He is six years older than me. I said I thought his attitude was misogynistic and that if « age is just a number » as he has said when discussing his two ex wives who were both 12 years younger her, then that should apply both ways. He tried to placate me by telling me that I look ten years younger than I am, but that’s not my point.
I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth.

AIBU to think that his attitude is misogynistic ?

Tel him he is wrong anyway. I'm 42 and me in their twenties are still interested in me. I was dating a 25 year old for a while there

That would be the end of this relationship for me.

Here's the thing for me. He might think that based on his own preferences. And it might be that the majority of men agree (not saying they do BTW). But:
A) why would it matter if your friend put that in her profile? Men who aren't attracted are free to ignore
B) why did you boyfriend think it was a good idea to voice this opinion to you??

Given this opinion and his 2 failed marriages to younger women, I think I'd be checking for other signs he's a massive twat and preparing to LTB

While I definitely agree a lot of men like much younger many are happy to date women their own age. It tends to be a certain type of man who shuns women his own age.

This too. It’s just the age range she put. If men that age aren’t interested they will simply ignore her.

So basically he chooses who to date based on what other people think. He sounds awful.

What he's saying isn't very nice I have to say, but to be honest, he's right. Most men on dating sites (in their mid 40s,) are not going to be looking for a woman who is 10 years older. Most will want a woman aged 25 to 39.

Whether he will get a woman of that age is another matter, but most men on dating sites, in their 40s, 50s, and 60s (and some in their 70s and older) - are not looking for women a decade older. Not even the same age actually. Most will be seeking a woman a decade or more younger. Also, most men will be looking for women who are slim, even if their ex was a bigger/overweight woman.

Joan Collins and women of her ilk are a terrible example. (Someone mentioned her as an older woman who has younger men all the time.) She is a rich and famous actress! She is going to attract men of all ages, because she is glamorous, wealthy, attractive, and famous.

.

Honestly, OP, in your shoes, I might be inclined to tell him that you've been reflecting on your relationship and you've concluded that he is too old for you, on account of his antiquated sexist attitudes.

It's quite possible that many middle aged men would like to date much younger women.

But what self respecting middle aged woman would be interested in dating a sexist dinosaur in any case?

The men who would be weeded out by this profile are clearly not a loss to the OP's friend.

"I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth."

Not everyone/every man thinks like this.
Just this misogynist butt-plug on a fifth date buying dinosaur.

And this is why, fabulous single women in their fifties would rather be single than date ‘most’ men.

if a man had on his profile that he only wants women younger than him, it would instantly tell me (and any other women who are only interested in decent men) that they’re shallow and sexist, so it’s like a great big advertisement to swipe left (no thanks)

I think someone quoted up thread, probably correctly, that 99 in 100 men would only go younger. So 99 in 100 men are shallow and sexist. And that’s fine. Thanks for the heads up fellas. But what these numbers fail to include, is that many middle aged woman are happy single, and would CHOOSE being single over those 99.

male loneliness epidemic should tell us all that most women (not all, hello op) are choosing a single life over men like this.

He has two ex wives who were both 12 years younger than him, or did i misunderstand your post, if so sorry! Very curious as to how old he and the wives were for those marriages because its not looking great is it, that he consistently only dates younger...

Couldn't agree with you more @arethereanyleftatall and @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack 👍

So he's only keeping you because you look younger?

Are all the people you have dated "unnatural" then? It's obvious that one person in every relationship is older than the other so half of us are not getting what we'd prefer, according to you.

Yep, this. ^ @SapphireSteel28 He is definitely one of those men who want a woman who is 10-15 years younger - or more, or looks it. Like he has some kind of prize having a younger woman. 🙄

Loads of men like older women!

‘There was a dating app i was on where you can see peoples age limits, and 99/100 men would date 10,15,20 years younger, but only 5 years older. One bloke even said he wanted someone 28 years max, when he was 40.’

Yet, thinking of my close friends & family, the majority of women, including me, are married to younger men - the biggest age gap being approx 17 years (they met when he was 27). I’ve also worked with young male colleagues who dated women 20 - 30 years their senior when they were in their 20s. And I’m not in a big cosmopolitan city - in my social circle it’s not that uncommon.
Certain men like younger women and certain men like older women. And as a pp said -cougar - the term exists for a reason. It’s very much a thing.

The OPs partner sounds very ignorant to boot.

Thanks for all the replies. We have spoken about it and he has back-tracked. It’s all a bit depressing.

Back tracked to get you back on side so he gets laid tonight, or genuinely thinks he was wrong. I agree, its depressing

You don’t have to be in a relationship with him op. Are you scared of being single?

Yeah, that's grim. I'd be questioning if he has the maturity for a relationship at all. Different people think differently to him. Has he not figured that out?

It's also completely wrong IME. When I was single in my 40s and early 50s I had plenty of men 15 years younger interested! I prefer dating someone more of my own age but I think if a man or a woman is relatively attractive still then they will attract people in a wide range of ages. It really annoys me when men think it is just the one way round (older man, younger woman) that it works. It really isn't.

I had an ex with opinions like that. He had other objectionable opinions too. He did gradually change over time, but honestly, I wish I'd binned him when he started coming out with the shit. I feel a bit as if I was his rehab/therapy doing what his parents didn't do.

It’s still on men’s terms. The gap only ever focus’s on sex; looks, attractiveness, youth.
Women have kids and then go through mesopause. They might not want sex. Apparently this is “wrong” and the incredibly common erectile dysfunction is also “problemat” because obviously relationships are all about shagging.

I’m not sure why having a partner you’ve been through life with, enjoys good life and can he intimate with, is apparently crap because the wife isn’t hot enough.