AIBU to think my boyfriend’s views on women’s age are misogynistic?

[SapphireSteel28]

I have had an unexpected argument with my boyfriend. I was talking about a friend’s struggle with online dating (this was how we met) and mentioned that she had set her age parameters to 45-65 and she is 54. He laughed and said she was silly to think a 45 year old would be interested in a woman of her age, and said that when he was 45 he was with a woman of 33. He is six years older than me. I said I thought his attitude was misogynistic and that if « age is just a number » as he has said when discussing his two ex wives who were both 12 years younger her, then that should apply both ways. He tried to placate me by telling me that I look ten years younger than I am, but that’s not my point.
I think it’s grim that men are judged on status, intelligence and humour primarily and that the best thing a woman has to offer is her youth.

AIBU to think that his attitude is misogynistic ?

Definitely misogynistic. This could just be the tip of the iceberg- watch for other opinions emerging.

No I think it’s realistic- 45 and 54 are world apart in terms of health, music interests etc. plenty of people are with people ten years older but that’s more because they find they click with someone as opposed to going out looking for that kind of an age gap (imo)

Perhaps there’s a reason neither of his marriages have lasted.

Think he’s a bit of a dick tbh. Loads of men like older women.

45 and 54 are world apart in terms of health, music interests etc

Of course they’re not.

YABU

Could you explain why, please? I’m trying to work out why he’d feel that way.

No they're not! I'm 47, DH is 52. We're both gen X and culturally grew up with the same things and like similar things.

The funny thing about this age just being a number nonsense is nonsense according to the medical and exercise professionals I know. Men who think it doesn’t apply to them are the ones being convinced to go to hospital for heart attacks by the women in their lives (according to a consultant coronary surgeon I know).

Sounds like a chauvinist more than misogynistic - he doesn't hate women does he? Just thinks that it's fine for men to date younger, but not women - it's a superiority thing - chauvinism. Either way it's grim - plenty of 45 year-old men would be interested in a 54 year-old woman. My last ex was six years younger than me - so only three years difference from a reality that your boyfriend is stating is impossible. Tess Daly is 57, bet there are plenty of 48 year-old men out there who think she is gorgeous.

I know a woman of 69, a friend of my mother, who's been married for 10 years. Her husband just had his 40th.

How long is it until you age out of his dating pool entitlement?

Two words for your bloke @SapphireSteel28. Joan Collins - she’s 32 years older than her husband of 24 years.

Exactly.

Never read anything so ridiculous.

As for almost everything in life: Look at Sienna Miller and do likewise. 😁

That is what I said. He said that because I look younger than my age and he looks older that people would think there was a larger age gap anyway-this response proves that he doesn’t understand what my point is.

Age is only "just a number" when an older man wants to date/marry/have sex with a younger woman.

This. I would be concerned that his previous wives were younger and are both exes....and his strong opinions. Feels like a pattern that doesn't feel right.

WasS just about to ask this, he’s got two ex wives for a reason?

does he trade them in when they get too old or do they just get sick of his chauvinistic attitude?

I’m sorry to say that he sounds like a bit of an idiot. That is an unpleasant thing to say.

Or he is just not very clever, since I suspect that many men think this way but they have the wit not to share these thoughts outside their immediate friend group. At least you won’t have too much trouble with him pretending to be something he is not.

I’d be throwing this one back.

Crushed23

it’s not ridiculous (just in my own opinion!) my brother and sister are in their fifties, I’m mid 40s and work with a ton of people in 50s and 40s, it’s the difference between someone born in 1980 and someone born 70s, music wise things are definitely different!! Add in the fact that health issues jump every few years after 40. I’d think it both ways btw this isn’t a younger man thing

That's not the point - her boyfriend thinks it is perfectly acceptable if the man is the older one but ridiculous if the woman is older. Not about the age gap.

Exactly. It’s not the age gap-I don’t think 9 years aged 40-50 is significant anyway-it’s the fact that the « age is only a number » only seems to be quoted when it’s the man who is older!

Of course it's misogynistic, he sounds like a bit of a twat!

If he agreed with you then he wouldn’t be saying people 12 years his junior surely.

If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander surely 🤷🏻‍♀️