To not want my FIL to just walk into my house?

[WHATAREYOUDOINGG]

This has been happening for as long as I have been with DH.

Several times a week, FIL pops over uninvited and if there is an open door (quite often we leave the back door open) he will make entry into our house. We both WFH and there’s been several instances of him peering through the window, walking into meetings, talking loudly to us whilst we are on work calls.

Other notable examples include when I was in the shower and he came into the house, the next thing I heard him shouting he was coming upstairs!

Then today, we are prepping for DS third birthday. I am out in the garden weeding wearing a t-shirt with no bra, and small shorts, all of a sudden I hear the back gate swing open and he’s stood there - deciding he’s coming to the party 3 hours early! I must have looked cross and he immediately made a point of saying I looked annoyed as I scurried away to put a bra on.

I realise this may be a generational thing of just walking into relatives houses, what would you suggest I do in this situation? AIBU?

DH has tried to tell him in the past but he’s very sensitive and just gets offended. He also doesn’t get the hint to leave either, you basically have to be walking out of the house to leave yourself!

Get a bolt for your gate and keep the front door locked!

My family and DHs are welcome to walk in whenever, it doesn't bother me. If I'm in the shower the bathroom door is closed and I don't tend to walk around naked. TBH on a birthday party day I'd be surprised if our parents were not early, they usually help set up! I also still just walk into my parents house, but a colleague told me her key was revoked when she moved out! So clearly people have different expectations

you didn't mean ' my ' house unless you bought it solely ? you mean ' our ' house ?

Learn to lock doors.

and dh needs to tell his father.
and again and again and again.

You have to determine if your discomfort exceeds his sensitivity. For me it certainly would!
it would be worth (dh) having a word, or locking your back gate so he’s forced to ring the doorbell.

You are being unreasonable not to lock doors and gates. It's a simple solution. Does he have a key? If so, why?

It's not a generational thing - he's just odd.

Learn to lock the door, especially when you’re in the shower, or you might find there’s far worse than FIL walks in.

When we have locked the doors he has relentlessly knocked and then accused us of hiding from him!

I mean it's crystal clear YANBU isn't it?

You're going to have to start telling him yourself each and every time if your DH is being ineffective.

If you had a Tshirt on why did the lack of bra matter? I rarely wear a bra at home, guests or not. That said just ask him (or ask your DH to ask him to knock first if it bothers you. I wouldn't have a problem with this because they are family but if you do, speak up!

DHs dad used to do this all the time. He had a key because he used to look after the house and dog when we were away.
He would let himself in, it used to drive me mad. He would also root through cupboards to find things rather than just asking. When we were away he used to have his mates to stay and entertain his lady friends 🤣 he was like a bloody teenager!
He bought a new mattress once because he didn’t like the one my daughter’s bed (he slept in her bed when he stayed) Said it was too thin.
He died a few years ago he used to drive me potty but it would be lovely to hear him clattering about in the kitchen trying to find whatever random object he needed.

We have a Yale lock on our front (wood) door as well as the usual handle with key (mortice?) lock. We always make sure the 'snick' is down on the Yale if we are in the back. We don't have a side entrance to get round back but are thinking of putting a side gate in the front wall. When we do we are having a Yale lock on that too and a bolt on inside.
If you have a PVC front door you can still have a little turn catch put on the inside specially designed for non wood/modern doors.
Suffice to say unless we know someone's coming and leave the snick up, no-one can just walk in.

I would’ve said yes that’s what we’re doing because you haven’t asked if you could come over like we told you and we are busy working/relaxing/showering/having sex/whatever. If he doesn’t get the message and there are no consequences he will keep doing it

Towards the end of my mums life I had a key and let myself into her house, but that was because she was very ill and found it painful to get up, plus in case of emergency. But that’s a different situation altogether, and was arranged and agreed. Plus I would still ring the bell before entering. Your situation is very different and your father in law is wrong.

Another one who doesn't understand leaving doors opened / unlocked. Peeps who do this obviously don't live in high crime areas.
I'm my area is very low crime thankfully but the front door is always locked regardeless when at home and my back door is left open on a safety chain for flow of fresh air when it is warm.

This is the thing when people are reluctant to say anything because the other will get all offended and whatnot... they don't care about offending you so screw them and get them told, repeatedly.

Because not every woman feels comfortable without a bra when she is around other people.
Oddly enough we are all different.😐

Our house has dc /adult dc in and out whenever.. But wouldn't dream of going into any of them with own homes without knocking!
Keep that door locked.... Dh can tell his df it's because he's rude just walking in . He takes a huff? Smashing. Enjoy the peace.

Just keep the doors locked. Tell your husband to have a word and tell him he is being a pest!

"Look, Jack. We need some privacy here. Don't just walk in, ring the bell, please".
Offended? Oh, dear, never mind. He's an adult. He'll get the message. And get over it.

“DH has tried to tell him in the past but he’s very sensitive and just gets offended.”

Well, he’s just going to have to be offended, then, because unless you tell him, he’s going to carry in doing it. I sympathise, OP - it would drive me round the bend. Perhaps it might be easier to phone DFIL and tell him that while you like to see him, you do NOT welcome unannounced visits, and that coming three hours early for a party is to put it mildly, unhelpful. It sounds as though he’s lonely, but that’s no excuse to arrive at yours and make himself at home whenever he feels like it. As for “relentlessly knocking and accusing you of hiding” - you’re just going to have to tell him straight that you shouldn’t need to hide from him, but that if he arrives unannounced when it’s not convenient, you won’t be answering the door. If you don’t say something, then nothing will change. Good luck, OP - I know it’s easier said than done.

What is he coming upstairs for?

’to see if anyone was home’

Not a generational thing at all . He needs telling and if he gets offended , tough . And lock your doors .

It's not about you though. The OP is clearly uncomfortable with her FIL's behaviour.