Another holiday ruined - damaged the hire car - think I’m covered but DP being awful!

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Long story short, we’re on holiday with a hire car and on the way to return it I’ve quite deeply scraped both the alloys down one side, having pulled over very sharply and in to a curb whilst taking evasive action. Genuinely couldn’t avoid doing it, it was that or be crashed into. DP acknowledges that bit.

DP is absolutely furious with me, adamant we’re going to get a HUGE bill and I know he won’t let this one go for the rest of our break - he started the moment we left the drop off; it was after hours drop off so no one to discuss it with.

Given I purchased the zero excess cover and crash damage waiver and the zero excess says

“Zero Excess (ZE) is an optional coverage available to the renter. The purchase of ZE reduces the customers liability to 0 Euro in cases of:

• Damage to the vehicle's bodywork
• Damage to the tyres, rims or windscreen of the hire vehicle
• Theft or attempted theft of the rented vehicle”

I believe I’m right to tell him to shut the hell up, especially given he won’t drive a car abroad and he’s a professional haulier!

Tell him he is boring and predictable

You were wondering what bee in his bonnet he would obsess over this holiday and if he doesn’t shut the fuck up you are driving back to the car hire place, leaving the car and going home and he can stay and get the divorce papers when he returns.

Why does he do it every holiday

Does he have a gf that he misses whilst you are away? Because that is what my mind will turn to.

Exh used to cause arguments before we went away. Then would threaten to not go.

He did that till I unpacked his suitcase a few hours before we left one time because he said he wasn’t going

Didn’t do it again

Like hell i'd have a grown man playing passenger princess & then pouting and moaning about my driving, ruining my time away especially with children there who no doubt were excited to come away.
It feels incredibly abusive to be behaving like this when you're essentially 'trapped' as he probably knows you won't cut the holiday short as you'd not want to upset DC so jist have to put up with it.
Say "so this is what you've chosen this holiday to complain about then?" And list the other holidays he's ruined with his childlike complaining about thingd and say "it's a clear pattern with you and it's getting tedious now. Next time, don't come"

Gosh. Me and DH have damaged a fair few hire cars! My dad fully crashed one on holiday once. It happens.

tell him youre not going on holiday with him again as his behaviour has been awful and ruined yet another holiday. You’re drawing a line and you’re leaving him at home so nobody has to put up with his shit.

Anxiety is very much a learned behaviour.

Another holiday ruined.

Has any holiday ever been pleasant with your husband? Even your honeymoon?

DP is absolutely furious with me, adamant we’re going to get a HUGE bill and I know he won’t let this one go for the rest of our break - he started the moment we left the drop off;

and all this in front of the DC. Just tell him out of their ear shot that he is not to mention this again in front of the DC.

If you took the zero excess option then you will simply lose your deposit and there will be nothing extra to pay. So you'll be out of pocket for the (presumably £250 ish) deposit, but that is all. Ask me how i know?!!! 😭.

Your DH can do one! Accidents happen, this is why we have insurance and zero NC policies. Enjoy your holiday!

You keep saying it’s learned behaviour from his father.

So what?

He is being vile. Spoiling your holiday. Upsetting your dcs.

Why are you putting up with it? Every single holiday for years to come will also be ruined? Great.

Yeah that's his last family holiday. Ever.
Book and pay for them yourself going forward. You and the kids go away and have a fab time without the whiney-arsed shit

Look if that’s the option… the entire marriage is dead, buried.

OP… if he carries on like this and ruins yet another holiday, your DC are going to remember family holidays as very unhappy experiences.

They no doubt say listening to their dad go on and on and on at you yesterday and just thought…. Dad kicking off again. Mum sad again.

You have to change this op. Your partner isn’t going to. What is life like on non holidays? He must be like this about so much in life.

(Not the point but you can buy car insurance separately that covers everything)

my DH is similar, but with him the trigger is while we are getting ready to go, for a while ever trip away would start with me in tears as he or I would have lost or forgotten something and instead of being reasonable it would turn 8nto him having a massive go. It took me a while to realise his dad did the same. It’s like he’s super anxious about going away (despite spending years travelling for work) and that outbursts is the outlet.

I’ve just factored it in Now, called him out on it and told him it’s not happening any more. He was oblivious. Holidays start more calmly …for me anyway.

but you nee£ to get your dg to realise his lack of management of his anxiety is affecting you and your kids.

It takes me a few days to get into the swing of a holiday with my family. I think it’s the winding down from work and the change in routine. I could be in paradise and still be annoyed.

I now recognise it and try and manage it. Plus I don’t go for less than 10 days and agree the first few days could happen without me doing too much. My DH and DC would go straight into activities and I’d mooch for a day or so.

I’d still be a bit of a joy suck, but I knew it was a ‘me’ problem.

This. And go with your friends without your dc too leave them for him to entertain or take away without a driver to abuse

You need to stop the family holidays , even if it means he stays at home. It’s not fair on your children, and do you want the same for your children’s partners and your grandchildren. As your children may end up being the same when they are adults

There’s clearly an issue around holidays
I doubt there’s are fix or more to the point could you be arsed
given everything is normally ok
suck it up and NEVER go on holiday with him again
I must admit I’m not a holiday person ( a concept hardly anyone can accept or understand) I feel there more like an endurance test than this magical experience

He likes the idea of a family holiday. He doesn't like the reality. So he ends up being a mass of disappointment and irritation. The minor incidents give him an outlet.
Next time don't let him 'insist' on a family holiday. Tell him they are stressful and unpleasant for you because you're either dealing with his tantrums or on edge waiting for one, so its a waste of time and money. Tell him that's the last time you're doing it. (In time you could maybe experiment with a short break to check for change.)

Glad you got the extra cover.
A good bit of advice on Martin Lewis' website is never to buy this directly from the car rental company- it's much cheaper to buy this insurance through another company, sometimes just a few pounds.
I always do this, and when my rented car in France got hit by a flock of birds that scratched the roof they paid up really quickly.

We damaged a car we hired from Enterprise last year (our own fault) the side trim came off they were fine as we too had purchased the protection cover and we were not asked to pay anything further.

Holidays? Not worth the stress.

You need to have a very frank conversation with him about how his behaviour is affecting everyone. If you stay quiet and try to make the most of it he’ll never see the impact this is having. I’d be honest and say it’s now affecting the DC. Give him the chance to change over the next few days and say to him if things don’t improve we’re not doing a family holiday again

This. Is he happy at home because everything and everyone runs according to his schedule and so on holiday he’s not in control

He sounds like an utter pain to go away with.

What kind of weird mindset must someone have to insist the whole family go away and then make the whole trip miserable for everyone with their moaning and negativity?

YANBU at all.

What would he rather you had done? crashed into the other car?

I hope you’re ok and not too shaken up.

he either needs counselling to work out why he acts like he does, or he stays at home when you take the dc on holiday.

You may not actually get a huge bill. Hire car companies are not that logical I've found.

(This kind of thing is why I've quit ever hiring a car abroad again. )