Another holiday ruined - damaged the hire car - think I’m covered but DP being awful!

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Long story short, we’re on holiday with a hire car and on the way to return it I’ve quite deeply scraped both the alloys down one side, having pulled over very sharply and in to a curb whilst taking evasive action. Genuinely couldn’t avoid doing it, it was that or be crashed into. DP acknowledges that bit.

DP is absolutely furious with me, adamant we’re going to get a HUGE bill and I know he won’t let this one go for the rest of our break - he started the moment we left the drop off; it was after hours drop off so no one to discuss it with.

Given I purchased the zero excess cover and crash damage waiver and the zero excess says

“Zero Excess (ZE) is an optional coverage available to the renter. The purchase of ZE reduces the customers liability to 0 Euro in cases of:

• Damage to the vehicle's bodywork
• Damage to the tyres, rims or windscreen of the hire vehicle
• Theft or attempted theft of the rented vehicle”

I believe I’m right to tell him to shut the hell up, especially given he won’t drive a car abroad and he’s a professional haulier!

@speckledpinkhen He’s a decent bloke when not on holiday! You’d not think he had it in him.
Today’s behaviour has touched a nerve and upset the elder DC which is why I’m so pissed off with it.

I’d say point blank don’t come you ruin holidays for the rest of us.

Never mind the driving is be leaving the knobhead full stop!

This.

”only” doing it on holidays is still totally unreasonable, and the fact you even think you might be overreacting is a sign to me that this probably happens in lesser forms at home.

either way, it’s a total dick move. He is punishing you. It’s happened repeatedly and is actually abusive behaviour. Dont passively sit on the balcony drinking wine to numb the dickhead bevaviour with a mild rebuke to “wind his neck in”. And definitely don’t waste your precious holiday stewing over why he does what he does. He isn’t your problem to fix. Go do your own thing with the kids tomorrow and tell him he’s upset you so much he isn’t welcome. When he apologises sincerely he can rejoin you.

Our family holidays were always in a caravan and my parents spent most of the time arguing about money. So imagine being in a tiny space with two grumpy parents and no privacy. I stopped going when I reached age 16. I had just begun work and told them I couldnt get the annual leave. Fortunately they believed me. I stayed at home and had a blissful week. That was when I learned that I loved my own company and could manage perfectly well at home on my own.

Next time, don't 'offer' to go without him. Insist. Tell him straight up he's not welcome, and why.

If up to now he has insisted on and got his own way, it's your turn to choose.

This is exactly what I was going to say. I'd probably hold off on the divorce for the minute though.

Shut up or go home and tell him he's never going away with yous again. Poor bairns can't even get to remember a holiday fondly. What's the point in going?

he insists on a family holiday

I would insist equally forcefully that until he has learned emotional regulation so that he doesn’t ruin every family holiday, he’s not welcome to join you and the kids. Tag your holidays onto the end of your visits to parents instead.

To be honest I’d be furious too.

@Whyismycatanasshat His behaviour is very unusual. It's very strange to get wound up over damage to a car. It's only a car, it's not important. What weird and bizarre behaviour.

Yes to this.

I’d give him 2 choices. Therapy or he doesn’t come on holiday. Write a letter to him outlining how he makes you feel, the impact on the DC, how he only behaves like this on holiday. Ask him if a friend was telling them about how on their trip they scraped the rental car taking evasive action, what would his reaction be? Would he say to them well that’s your holiday ruined then.

But I would not put up with this

What is the point of spending all the money to go on holiday and have it ruined by his selfish, sulky, nasty behaviour?
Tell him to fuck right off and spend the rest of the holiday with your kids and never go with Mr Misery again…

Why are you putting your kids through this every year OP? Poor kids.

I’ve told him that just now and he says he likes public transport! He’s full of crap.

That's fine. For the rest of the holiday, you and the kids drive out to do whatever you want to do, he can stay behind or follow on by public transport.

He sounds like an idiot. You say he acknowledges that you had no choice and the alternative was to get crashed I to so what is he upset with you about? And you also have insurance coverage so yes tell him to STFU.

He needs to learn his behaviour has consequences.

If he is going to insist on a family holiday then he needs to stop ruining them.

Regardless of how his dad was, he's an adult and responsible for his own damaging behaviour.

I'd be telling him this is the last family holiday he's coming on unless he does somethinng to change.

If it’s just the alloys this is normally ok in terms of rental car damage. Sorry about the husband though.

Your Passenger princess should be driving next holiday given his attitude.

it sounds like you avoided worse damage and problems & have the zero excess cover.

deffo tell him to shut up & go on abroad driving strike

I would be reminding him of previous examples of ruining holidays and be firm that this will be the last one he does it too. You are being way too accepting of his behaviour and if he learnt this from his dad, what are you dc learning?

If he can't regulate his behaviour while away, and won't let you go alone with the DC, then personally I'd refuse to go on holiday again, and I'd make sure he knew it was because he ruins every holiday. Your DC are in turn learning this behaviour and may possibly treat their future families the same way.

The car will be fine. We went to France 7 years ago and we intended to share the driving but DH had left his driving licence at home, so I had to be sole driver. When we hired the car, a couple were having a heated discussion with the staff about a collision they'd had, because they hadn't taken out the CDW. We made sure we took out the CDW.

We were following sat nav but it took us into a tunnel that split in two directions, and every time we entered the tunnel we lost sat nav, so we looped around and started again. The road coming out of the tunnel had stupidly high kerbs that were rough and glinted in the sun like quartz. I misjudged the curve of the road because I was trying to work out where we were going, and gouged the alloys.

When we returned it, I didn't even mention it because we had CDW, and the member of staff didn't even shrug. It was covered.

I bet it’s not just on holidays though. At home, have you things set up in such a way that exactly all his needs are being met ?
incase he starts to frown ?

Watch out for this. You need to look at overall behaviour x x

Next time don’t offer to take the kids away solo, tell him you are. Then state it is due to behaviour on all previous holidays and try to have a list of this alongside your oldest child’s comments from experiencing first hand

These things happen @Whyismycatanasshat- as long as you’re all safe and well, that’s all that matters. I would be having a quiet word with him, he either lets it go or gets on the first plain home. No way would I let anyone ruin my DCs holiday, or mine for that matter!