To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

[BurnoutGP]

I was never an anxious parent. But now I think a combination of menopausal anxiety and no control over what they do, I worry constantly and think the worst possible outcomes. Both are lovely capable mostly responsible girls.
DD1 is 24 and travelling. I worry about her constantly. Haven't heard from her for 12hrs/she hasn't posted on SoMe and my brain worm is thinking all sorts. She's 6hrs ahead so is obviously asleep.
DD2 is 18 and out for a friend's birthday. Now in the pub and am having to sit on my hands not to message her.
This is never going to stop is it ?

My daughter is a baby, and I honestly dread the thought that one day she’ll be grown and I will not being able to be with her 24/7 keeping her safe. Completely understand how you feel.

I don’t know if it’s true but I’ve always imagined there will be this period of between when they leave home and when they settle down with a stable relationship, job and their own home , that will be very worrisome. I think once they’re settled I’d worry less.

You are 100% NBU!! Mine are pretty much the same as yours. You don't suddenly stop caring about them, the worries are different but still abundant!

When I see my SIL fretting herself silly about her 2 toddler DC to the point of her going doolally, I really wish I could tell her - you ain't seen nothing yet girl. Just wait til they're driving and out partying and you don't know where they are! 🤯🤯

We’re never going go stop worrying. DC teenager out at party, lying here waiting. I’ve been abroad a lot. My DM said she crossed the days off on one v adventurous trip I did.

Totally agree !!!

I think heavy duty worry kicked in when mine were teenagers but I totally agree ! I was so much more in control when they were little

Totally with you. I was worrying this evening about DD19 who had a rubbish time and went home early from a uni ball. Now I see on Life360 she's out again at a nightclub. In some ways I'm pleased but on the other hand now worrying about her walking home late in a minidress. I don't think I'll ever stop worrying about my kids tbh.

Afraid not, one of mine did 6 hour drive on motorway today and I was so grateful of 'last seen' on whatapp as I can see he's alive..........he's nearly 40!😳 I worrry about when I'm dead whose going to look out for them, one has a partner so don’t worry as much about him but others don't have anybody but me and each other and I can't bear the thought of not being here for them.🤦‍♀️

Oh yes I can relate.

My adult dcs know to keep in contact though. Still doesn't stop me worrying.

I feel that I am in the sweet spot at the moment - DS is 10 and in year 5 - I need to find a way to pause time before we hit secondary school and teenage years!

No one tells you how hard it is do they, it's all forums and advice about newborn stress and terrible toddler stages, but fuck me the hardest stage has been parenting an adult. Mine is AuDHD which I suspect makes it more challenging, but you are not alone OP. It's really hard 😭

Little kids little worries, big kids big worries just about sums it up!

The worries are fewer, but much bigger.

my adult Dd was cheated on and left be her exH. I worry about her mental health, she’s lost a lot of weight and is struggling as a single parent to 3 while working full time with no spare cash. Don’t think the worrying ever stops

My now 24yo DS moved to a different city last year, he has a job, he’s responsible and pays his bills etc. but he’s also a partier. I find it best to ask what he did for the weekend rather than what he’s going to be doing for the weekend, lol

My 20yo DD went to uni in September, I know what I got up to at uni, I’d hate to think she’s the same, fgs!!

Both of mine moved out within 6m of each other, it was a wrench!

Me too. I worry about not being around to worry for him 😭

Motherhood has made me crazy I think

I really need to go to bed as im working in the morning. But waiting for DD1 across the world to wake up and message me and DD2 to get home. I know im being ridiculous and should just go to bed!

It gets better op, my DD is 27, she lives with her long term partner in their own house and has a good job. The most 'partying' she does these days is dinner with her mates or a few drinks at the local hockey club, and partner is teetotal so already picks her up.

But yes, just under a decade ago I was in your shoes. Clubbing, boozy trips abroad etc, she worried me senseless!

I'm going against the grain here.

You need to believe in your adult dc!
Have you not brought them up with common sense and the normal, basic skills of adulting ?

The fact that some of you are tracking your dcs movements at University says a lot about why you are getting yourselves into this state.
People leave home to go to University partly for the degree and partly to learn to live as adults. It is incredibly disrespectful to be following where they are at all hours of the day and night.

Oh gosh. I feel you!

YANBU. There is a saying that your adult children going about in the world is like watching your heart going around. It fecking scary! I have a 24yo DS and 21yo DD. Great kids but it’s very VERY scary!

Yes agree 100% . I was always a very relaxed parent whilst they were living at home . Now they are adults I cannot fix their problems and they are exposed to so many more problems! I don’t consider it a weakness,it’s just how my brain is wired.

I came to the conclusion recently that parenting is just a carousel of worry.

Each new chapter brings something different.

Its not that they aren't capable human beings, i think its just instinct to make sure they are safe and well.

I have been known to ask for a proof of life message, can be a full stop for all I care. Just something that made me know they were okay and safe. Xx

I worry less about DS away at Uni, I don’t know his ins and outs, and I sleep better, when he’s home I don’t sleep until he’s in. Then I have DD18 who has discovered socialising, so I’m sat up waiting for her, however I worried about her when she was sat in her room not going anywhere!

I’ve come to accept that you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.

God this is so true.