AIBU to report nut-containing muffins being brought into a nut-free school?

[AlmondFlourmuffins]

I’m really conflicted whether to keep quiet about something or not . If I say something it will be completely obvious it was me that reported.

Dd best friend always takes in a homemade muffin to school as has packed lunch. Dd had a play date and when I picked her up said that she had some and can we make them for her lunches after the half term break so I asked for the recipe.
One was a ‘Bakewell muffin’ made with almond flour and glace cherries the other was a peanut butter chocolate and banana marbled muffin. The thing is it’s a nut free school and when I said ‘oh I’m surprised you’ve got away with this’ after she shared the recipe she just laughed. Now I’m feeling like it’s wrong?

I know in the class there are no nut allergies but I have no idea obviously about the rest of the year/school. But if I say something is it going to cause a massive problem ? This is dd best friend and I just don’t know what to do ?

Are the ones the girls had on the playdate definitely the exact same muffins as the lunchbox ones? I often adapt recipes so that could perhaps have happened here? Regardless, maybe just ask the mum to make sure she knows not to send nuts in.

Perhaps it would help if you didn't see it as a dilemma.
It's an absolute. Maybe because my grandson has a peanut allergy, or maybe I don't want to be friends with the kind of people who think "rules don't apply to me"

Kids have literally died from allergens in schools.

You would be wildly unreasonable NOT to report this.

I feel like I have to say something when they go back after half term. I’m wondering if I say to her first to give her a chance to stop

And this is why "nut free schools" don't work.
The majority comply. But some people dont care, or dont understand. And that puts those with allergies at risk.

It reduces the risk of contamination, but doesn't eliminate it.

Why don’t you message “presumably you don’t use the recipes with nuts in for school in case it causes a pupil death”.

Honestly FFS how can someone knowingly do this.

This could literally kill a child if she really is sending her DD to school with muffins containing nuts. It’s really tricky but I would say something to her about how dangerous it is and maybe reference the girl who bought a Pret sandwich containing sesame and she died from her reaction. Good luck….

I’d mention to school that you’re aware of people baking lunch box items and including nuts or nut-based ingredients. You don’t have to mention the family. Just make it a general thing. I do wonder if some people don’t think of ‘Bakewell’ as anything involving nuts. Certainly we have our children turn up in our school with Nutella and the families have been surprised that this is problematic. The other thing is that some people just don’t understand the huge risk they are posing to children. I have seen the consequences of serious allergic reactions but maybe some people don’t realise quite how dangerous it is.

I should say too that some people don’t realise that a child either serious allergies can have a potentially fatal reaction just being in the same room as a tiny trace of nuts.

edited for typo

It’s a bit weird that you got the recipe and this is immediately where your mind went… not saying you’re wrong necessarily but genuinely this wouldn’t have occurred to me 🫣

Ask the school to issue guidance with an emphasis on less obvious ingredients such as nut-based flour. Mention that you know of almond flour items being brought in, to support your request.

Allergies are not taken seriously at school, when my son was in reception with a milk allergy someone poured a yoghurt on him and then when he complained he was told to just rub it off with a wet paper towel! Another example was him being given a cake that had milk in it, the teacher gave him one because he said he can have cake (he had dairy free cake and was 5) and lastly the teacher messaged to say can he have just half a pancake in pancake day so he’s not left out????? I’d offered at the start of the year to take any ingredients in he needed!

you need to complain as I bet the staff are unaware!

This is no different to loads of utterly selfish behaviour I see every day. Is it getting worse...? I don't know. It feels like it is.

Our school drive is long and very narrow. The pavements both sides have kids walking on the kerb/edge. It's supposed to be 10 mph speed limit. I frequently see people doing double or triple that speed. There have been near misses. People don't give a fuck. Until it's their kid. There could definitely be a serious incident.

Should you tell school? Yes probably, maybe tell her straight if you're brave enough first.

What age are the children?

Young children who eat messily and get sticky hands, I’d see it as a problem.

Not such an issue for older kids. The allergic child shouldn’t be swapping lunches anyway and there will (hopefully) be rules in place to prevent this. Again, the age of the allergic child is relevant.

I say this as the mother of a DC with multiple food allergies including peanut. You can never rely on the food other kids bring in for their lunch anyway. Whether by accident or design people get it wrong. (Mind you, I don’t think too highly of those who do so by design when the school has asked for their help.)

But the official guidance of the Allergy society is that nuts etc aren’t excluded in most school settings. The guidelines are different for childcare settings for younger children (eg under 5s) or settings where children have disabilities iirc.

ETA I would mention it to the school as a general concern OP.

Please inform the school. I don’t think I’d even bother talking to the mum, she evidently doesn’t care. This could end up in a death at worst.

I would mention it to school and ask them to send a reminder

In reality though all the main allergy charities advise against nut bans because they create a false sense of security.

My children are both anaphylactic to milk (one has had reactions to contact alone). Milk is the most common cause of fatal reactions in children now

But I bet you aren't planning on stopping sending cheese/yoghurt /butter etc to school

Think about it this way OP - what if a child dies as a result of this? How will you feel then, knowing that you knew this and did nothing?

Yes, I realise that that is very much the worst case scenario and sounds very harsh, but surely there is a valid reason for the "nut free" rule in the first place.

This is the problem with nut bans, everyone assumes milk must just be an intolerance and that children are fine to be around it.
My son had a huge reaction after a child threw cheesy wotsits at him. My daughter had a big reaction after a child coughed in her face while eating cheese

Benedict Blythe died after being given the wrong drink at school. Karanbir Cheema died after a child threw cheese at him at school.

It's weird we are fixated on banning nuts but pretending like milk is benign (my children are allergic to nuts too by the way)

I think it’s that people don’t realise @Whyarentyoureadyyet, though I’m not sure why tbh.

Allergy UK do not recommend 'no nuts' policies in schools because actually it leads to a false sense of complacency that the environment is safe and doesn't help kids to learn how they can keep themselves safe. Schools are never going to manage absolute compliance because with the best will in the world sometimes a person will accidentally put something in eg a cereal bar with traces of almond or forgetting that things like marzipan contain nuts. Better to teach people how to respond to allergic response situations

Nut free schools do not work and are not advised.

They lead to a false sense of security because of things like this. Most importantly they are shown to increase the likelyhood of older children ingesting their allergen because they have not learned to check and check again. And lastly dairy allergies are responsible for more deaths than nuts but we don't ban dairy.

I would tell the school you know of families putting items with nuts in inlunch boxes and suggest they change their policies to more effective ones like nut free tables.

Schools can't police all lunch boxes and your DD's friend isn't going to be the only one. The school need more reasonable policies to keep the children with serious allergies safe instead of policies that sound good but are unenforceable.

I dislike nut bans.

Firstly, there are lots of other allergens where kids can react just the same, and secondly, it's really important for kids that DO have allergies to learn to manage them e.g. NEVER eat anyone else's food, to know the signs if they are having a reaction to someone.

Society has become far too mollycoddling around far too many things, and it's about time we teach kids resilience and how to help themselves.

Other children without allergies also need to know the importance of not offering their food to others, or even throwing it!

If we TEACH children these skills, then we would have far fewer problems.

I would probably start by talking to her and assuming she didn’t realize.

I Used to send my 3yo to her nut-free nursery with pesto almost every day. The school was well aware she ate pesto. She was the only child with a packed lunch for medical needs. None of us thought about the fact that pesto has nuts until one day I harvested the basil I had been growing in the garden to make a giant batch and realized the mistake. My child with ARFID who only had a handful of safe foods could no longer have pesto at school once I realized, but we figured it out and switched her midday and evening meals. It just wasn’t quite as convenient for everyone.