AIBU to feel frustrated about future inheritance when money is tight now?

[Giraffeowlllama]

Vent rather than aibu.
Just been out for lunch with my dm. It was lovely she always insists on paying.
Her card was declined as she forgot her pin so I paid around £100. Restaurant didn't take cash.
Unfortunately/ fortunately this was about all I had in my bank account ( get paid on Friday)We then went and she took cash out for me.
All good. She knows things are tight for me. She asked me to check her balance. I was shocked just over £50k!
She had spent lunch telling me she's updated her will as an only child I'll inherit most- I dont really like talking about death.
The thing is I'm 50, in rented accommodation with disabled dh, 2 dds and work full time. I can just pay for everything but it's tight.
It just seems mad that help now would really change my life rather than in 10 odd years.
Its not a moan about inheritance just a moan. We moved here to their town so I can support them as they get older but it does sometimes feel like a 'kick in the teeth' ( if that's the right expression) when we are struggling and only in this location to help.

Sorry vent over

Looking after parents for 8 weeks, and doing a bit of shopping entitles you to pay offs from your parents. Who knew that? It would be helpful if posters don't treat older people, especially older women as if they're stupid. It's prevalent on here and its misogynist and ageist and as toxic as racism.

No - it's spot on.

But what if the money has literally all been spent? How can they come after it?

Same way they do any other debt 🤷‍♀️they will come after the recipient, not the giver.

asset seizure, repayment plan etc. the lady in the case above was looking at having to sell her own house to repay, although I don’t know what the outcome was.

😱

What a daft post.

The Op isn't "waiting for her parents to die", she is just wondering if it would be unreasonable for her wealthy parents to offer to make her life a little bit easier by helping her not be in pain while they are alive.

I am by no means wealthy. I'd never spend £100 on a lunch for two. I've never bought a designer handbag in my life, not even as a special 'one off', let alone 'just because I can'. I certainly don't have £50k sitting in my current account, BUT, if one of my adult dc were in pain and my giving them £5k could take that away, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I am sorry HighSkye that you don't have that kind of relationship in your life, but it doesn't make the OP in anyway unreasonable for wishing she did.

But let's say as a healthy 60 year old you downsize and use the money to help your kids get on/further on the property ladder.....then 20 years down the line you need to pay for care in a care home, surely they can only come after your current assets from your downsized house? How many years do they go back? It's ridiculous.....

YABU its her money and she will be older and unable to earn more. Its for her to make sure her own needs are met as much as she can, as others have said, £50k isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things

I don’t think there is a time limit
Though the earlier the transfer of money was prior to the person going into care, the harder it may be for the authorities to suggest that the intention was deprivation of assets

That is not deprivation of assets as when you gave the money away you had no reason to believe you needed care in the future.

DOA is to intentionally give your money away to avoid paying for care. If the 60 year old had the Huntington’s gene, or Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s and downsized, giving the excess to the kids so it couldn’t be used for care in the future, then that they can come after.

as I said, there needs to be a future expectation of care. If you are healthy with no medical conditions then that doesn’t apply, however old you are.

I think yes it’s her money etc etc

but no yanbu to feel how you feel.

my MIL recently inherited yet more money when her mum passed away and it’s just adding to the (very full) pot, which they’ll never spend in their lifetime. She’s acknowledged this and said she wants to start passing some to my daughters as she’d rather enjoy seeing them set up for a good start with cars/house deposits than passing it to them when she goes and they’re already long on their feet.

obviously no one should expect any inheritance but if it is definitely going to be passed on, it absolutely makes sense to do it before when it’s more helpful if at all possible - not least for tax reasons!

If you’ve sold a large asset and there’s no evidence of the money they will find out
There is no longer a time limit to investigations on the deprivation of assets

Local councils will take account of good heath as it may suggest you had no reasonable expectation of needing care 20 years down the line

I always thought there was a 7 year limit for potential asset deprivation

Unfortunately, I think this is a myth

No the 7 years is gifts for inheritance tax

any gifts given 7 years before death must be included in the estate for IHT calculations.

asset deprivation has no time limit.

Frugalgal, “But OP is struggling to make ends meet while her mother is sitting on thousands doing nothing in her current account and wouldn't miss a few grand thrown her daughter's way.”

If only it was so simple…..but this isn’t a black and white situation, there are probably all sorts of issues on both sides that we can’t know anything about.

I agree with the advice to OP to tell her mother what’s going on and ask her if she will help her out financially, and see what the response is.

Yes I remember hearing about the 7 year rule.... perhaps that's now changed as people got wise? ?

Sorry....just read more posts which answers the 7yr rule.....which apparently relates to inheritance tax

Don’t agree at all. Her husband has a very serious illness & she’s had cancer twice & they’ve lost their house.

I wouldn’t expect the parents to give sizeable cash but there’s no way if had that kind of money I wouldn’t give my only child more than a lunch out. I wouldn’t put my own situation at risk but i would do more than the odd lunch.

And that’s lovely you’re such a fab generous person. I’m sure it helps the op to know this. But it still doesn’t mean she’s entitled to her parents money.

How is your post helping the OP?

It may be that the parents don’t know she didn’t have contractors insurance and didn’t get sick pay or critical illness cover. As that’s standard much in the way that anyone would get sick pay from their employer.

it would appear despite being in a high salary o/p’s income was very vulnerable, and she didn’t take the usual steps to protect her income.

so the parents may not realise how bad it is.

but o/p hasn’t come back to answer those questions

It sounds like you've had your fair share of challenges OP. I don't think you're being unreasonable and it's totally find to have a whinge on here.

I'd be asking if I was you, at least for help with your teeth. Surely if you have dental pain and black teeth (and have had cancer twice and a disabled husband), your own mother should be willing to help out if she's sitting on hundreds of thousands of pounds? I can't imagine not helping if I was in her shoes.

Girl, bye. You know nothing about me.

My lovely father and I had a great relationship envied by many. Among a LONG list of other amazing things about him (unrelated to money) is the fact that he was supportive and generous towards me financially. I never had to ask for said support as he always stepped in when certain things popped up. I don’t have to go into the details here but your comment about me not having “that kind of relationship” in my life made me cackle right before the anger set in.

My father grew up poor and was certainly not a rich man during his adult years and didn’t leave loads of money for me when he died by today’s standards…but he was a wonderful father to me - his only child. He looked out for me both in life and in death. May he continue to rest in peace.

Though I’ve always been a Daddy’s Girl, my mum is also great. So again…cackle.

So let me state again…for you and persons in the back - I don’t know about anyone else but I’d rather have my folks around for a long time than even think about being a beneficiary to anything they leave me. I’ve always thought that way. My lovely dad recently passed and I’d give anything to have him here rather than have an “easier” life due to the fact he passed and left me some money.

Jog on…as persons on this thread usually say.