AIBU to feel frustrated about future inheritance when money is tight now?

[Giraffeowlllama]

Vent rather than aibu.
Just been out for lunch with my dm. It was lovely she always insists on paying.
Her card was declined as she forgot her pin so I paid around £100. Restaurant didn't take cash.
Unfortunately/ fortunately this was about all I had in my bank account ( get paid on Friday)We then went and she took cash out for me.
All good. She knows things are tight for me. She asked me to check her balance. I was shocked just over £50k!
She had spent lunch telling me she's updated her will as an only child I'll inherit most- I dont really like talking about death.
The thing is I'm 50, in rented accommodation with disabled dh, 2 dds and work full time. I can just pay for everything but it's tight.
It just seems mad that help now would really change my life rather than in 10 odd years.
Its not a moan about inheritance just a moan. We moved here to their town so I can support them as they get older but it does sometimes feel like a 'kick in the teeth' ( if that's the right expression) when we are struggling and only in this location to help.

Sorry vent over

As a parent of adult kids I’m aghast that a parent who has the money to help them when they are struggling doesn’t do that.

Horrible attitude you have @Giraffeowlllama

@JacknDiane please read my other posts before judging.

But the op has clearly sadly had many times they needed help. It’s not the parents job to keep them afloat. Yes it is a kindness to do so, but she is not entitled and people shouldn’t encourage her to be.

For your own parents.??

She’s not only git £50k. That’s just her spending money in her current account

Weirder attitude to see your only child with her disabled husband struggle to the extent that her teeth need £5000 worth of work done and they’re turning black not even occurred to you to give them some money to help them

I am with you OP. My parents are sat on a reasonable amount of money and getting inheritance in your 60s isn’t actually all that useful at times.

If we are fortunate to receive inheritance I think we will try to pass a reasonable amount to our kids (grandkids) as that’s when you need it most.

Oh wow @Feis123. Did you actually read OPs posts? Do you think her battling cancer and losing her family home in the process makes her a fuck-up who hasn't sorted her life out?

Oh the irony

@dutchyoriginal thankyou.
Before cancer i had 2 children in private school. Income over £150k.
Then income/ insurance left us unable to pay. Children moved to other school. Me unable to work then dh having to leave his job. We lost our house.
Cancer is brutal.
We have rebuilt our lives but can only rent.
Dh has parkinsons so now unable to work.but gets pip though £600 doesn't go far.
I work ft but it gas to cover everything, rent, bills, groceries etc
I also look after my parents
Its tough

Sorry, I don't read drip-feeds, only the original post, in which the OP said that she moved to her dm to be closer to her in dparents' old age.

Really? You think yours is a nice attitude?

You don’t read “drip feeds”, maybe start reading updates, they enlighten you!

Ask for help for your D?
Surely there is no point in your D taking out an expensive loan if her grandparents could easily fund her university education.

You dont know that you will manage and a professional home carer for one person will rip through about £80-£100,000 a year. You don't seem to know exactly how much they have in total so I think you're being pretty presumptuous all round.
However, if you moved to help them do they qualify for Attendance Allowance? If so, I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask them if you could be funded for your help less anything they need for external help eg a cleaner or gardener.

I agree the additional info about the OP having had cancer is a drip feed and it’s becoming more and more common now that people do this when the thread doesn’t go their way.

I’m truly sorry for your circumstances OP, some of which are not dissimilar to my own but I still think YABU.

Stop looking after your parents, you have enough to dealwith.

They have the money to buy in care if they need it.

You should focus on your own family.

Honestly, I wouldn't have moved back to their small town if it limited your own futures, careers, education and opportunities for your DC

So you admit that you won't do every bit of care for them until they die? Then they absolutely might need that money for carers. If they are going to maybe need carers then they may need a lot of money. (Not that I think you are wrong not to do all your care yourself for one minute, but 50k is not much at all)

A care home place might be £6000 a month each
Home carers might be £1000 a month each

50k is:

• home care for one of them for 4 years (based on 2 visits a day)
• home care for both of them for 2 years (based on 2 visits a day)
• home care for both of them for less than 2 years if more than 2 visits a day
• 9 months of a nursing home place for one of them if they need round the clock care available and actually you and the other parent can't manage that between them
• 5 months of a nursing home place for two of them
• Less than 9 or 5 months if the care they need is specialist like dementia care which you might not be able to do for them.

When your old, having 50k is not much really!

"They may need to go into care but are both so stubborn that they will expect me to do it."

Ok this part. You need to NOT do this. You are a cancer survivor. Your husband has Parkinson's. You will wear yourself out and shorten your life, and your husband's, by caring for your parents. They have money and can afford to pay for care so they should do that. I understand, they will object up and down the houses about how they cannot POSSIBLY hire carers and how horrible it will be. They will see you work yourself to death and be unable to care for your own husband, so that you can care for them for free, so that they don't have to part with a penny of their own money. Just, no. Your job is to look after yourself and your spouse and your children. Your parents' job is to look after themselves using the money they have saved for their retirements.

@stichguru please read my other posts

I do understand that i am being unreasonable.

Im just tired,poor and sad

@Giraffeowlllama suggest to your dm that she put most of the 50k in her current account into some other savings account that pays interest.
As an aside, I cannot imagine having 50k in a current account, lots of other savings and investments, and not offering to pay for my dd’s teeth to be fixed - at the very least. Can you ask her to pay for that privately for you?

“They won't be going into care homes. They will have me and carers if needed”

This can’t be guaranteed.