Age

[Ninapertree]

Do any other women feel like this. Im 42. I feel young. I am enjoying life. I go travelling, go to festivals. I know im not super young. But im not one foot in the grave. Im enjoying life.

However, men constantly try to make me feel old.

I went to a new group the other day. Age came up for some reason or another. I said my age. The men there looked at me like I was absolutely ancient. They looked at me like "how are you not in the grave" kind of way.

If i go to groups where there are people that i dont know well. If i say im in my 40s, the men look at me like i should be taken out back and shot!

Im single. I did online dating for a bit last year at 41. The men, even the ones the same age as me, would write things like "i cant believe you are 41". " you cant be 41".

I just feel like the way men seem to feel about women in their 40s is not how i feel abut myself at all! Its kind of sad

Pretty much. They dont see us as human anymore. I just gotta live my life anyway

I think if I (and probably most people here) thought about it for long enough we could come up with similar examples. And the men who go to those social groups can be a bit daft.

That said, it seems they really do see us as a commodity. They make a big fuss of my age because I look young (I'm 53) and pretty and I just think 'You wouldn't be talking to me at all if I didn't look like this, or if I suddenly stopped being polite and smiley'. The whole thing is just stupid and pointless. We have to be young, pretty, slim and we have to have sex with them or we're thrown on the scrapheap.

Are you really sure it’s not them saying you look amazing for 41?
These men in their thirties and forties will know 40 year old women exist, it’s not the fact that someone is still alive at that age they’re stunned at, it’s that you are that age?

I dunno. I remember being in my thirties and men in their twenties called me old when i was that age.

We live in a bit of a culture where some men tell women that aging is terrible.

Do you remember the 50 year old man in the news, who said that he would never date 50 year old women because they were too old.

I agree. I'm the same as you and and I've never come across this either.

I don't remember that, but presumably he was a complete dick and everyone recognised him as such 😂

With respect, that's grade A nonsense.

Bollocks 😂. I met my husband at 30. My mum met her current husband at 48 (he was 46).

That's weird. Friend (who is large as well as now about 42yo)... she did loads of online dating until she met her now husband. They only got together 3 yrs ago. She never described experiences like OP has had.

Maybe it's the online dating platform? I know friend was on Tindr & Bumble.

Very odd! I did OLD in my 40s (admittedly not for long as I met my DP soon) and met younger and older men who were lovely. I'm sorry you've had folks make these strange ageist comments to you, but kindly, it sounds like some of this might be in your head, and you are projecting your issues with growing older on to others. I am living my best life in my middle age. Stop thinking about your age, and go do your thing.

You wrote Three years ago...she met him at 39 then...in her 30s though?

So she hasnt been 40 + on a dating app. I found the apps to be different when i was in my 30s to now being in my 40s