Age

[Ninapertree]

Do any other women feel like this. Im 42. I feel young. I am enjoying life. I go travelling, go to festivals. I know im not super young. But im not one foot in the grave. Im enjoying life.

However, men constantly try to make me feel old.

I went to a new group the other day. Age came up for some reason or another. I said my age. The men there looked at me like I was absolutely ancient. They looked at me like "how are you not in the grave" kind of way.

If i go to groups where there are people that i dont know well. If i say im in my 40s, the men look at me like i should be taken out back and shot!

Im single. I did online dating for a bit last year at 41. The men, even the ones the same age as me, would write things like "i cant believe you are 41". " you cant be 41".

I just feel like the way men seem to feel about women in their 40s is not how i feel abut myself at all! Its kind of sad

Pretty much. They dont see us as human anymore. I just gotta live my life anyway

I think if I (and probably most people here) thought about it for long enough we could come up with similar examples. And the men who go to those social groups can be a bit daft.

That said, it seems they really do see us as a commodity. They make a big fuss of my age because I look young (I'm 53) and pretty and I just think 'You wouldn't be talking to me at all if I didn't look like this, or if I suddenly stopped being polite and smiley'. The whole thing is just stupid and pointless. We have to be young, pretty, slim and we have to have sex with them or we're thrown on the scrapheap.

Are you really sure it’s not them saying you look amazing for 41?
These men in their thirties and forties will know 40 year old women exist, it’s not the fact that someone is still alive at that age they’re stunned at, it’s that you are that age?

I dunno. I remember being in my thirties and men in their twenties called me old when i was that age.

We live in a bit of a culture where some men tell women that aging is terrible.

Do you remember the 50 year old man in the news, who said that he would never date 50 year old women because they were too old.

I agree. I'm the same as you and and I've never come across this either.

I don't remember that, but presumably he was a complete dick and everyone recognised him as such 😂

With respect, that's grade A nonsense.

Bollocks 😂. I met my husband at 30. My mum met her current husband at 48 (he was 46).

That's weird. Friend (who is large as well as now about 42yo)... she did loads of online dating until she met her now husband. They only got together 3 yrs ago. She never described experiences like OP has had.

Maybe it's the online dating platform? I know friend was on Tindr & Bumble.

Very odd! I did OLD in my 40s (admittedly not for long as I met my DP soon) and met younger and older men who were lovely. I'm sorry you've had folks make these strange ageist comments to you, but kindly, it sounds like some of this might be in your head, and you are projecting your issues with growing older on to others. I am living my best life in my middle age. Stop thinking about your age, and go do your thing.

You wrote Three years ago...she met him at 39 then...in her 30s though?

So she hasnt been 40 + on a dating app. I found the apps to be different when i was in my 30s to now being in my 40s

I'm 48, I also do not feel old at all and I think I look reasonably okay in terms of ageing. I'm on the dating scene too, I tend to get both men and women not thinking I'm as old as I am (usually they seem to think late-30s). I take it as a compliment, but I guess maybe their idea of what late-40s looks like isn't quite like it really is? Difficult to tell if their perception comes from the average of what people look like, and maybe we do act or look younger?
I did have one guy who was weird about it though, accusing me of catfishing as he said I must be lieing about being 48 when I look like I do - if I was going to lie, I'd say I was 29 not 48 😂
My social circle are probably a bit younger than me though, I was at a party last night and I was the oldest by far, they averaged about 30.

I don't know think that's generally true. I met the first love of my life at 28, and the second at 46 (he was 28 himself). There'll always be some men who want someone really young, but the same goes for some women.

I've never experienced this from men or women.

As a woman, I definitely thought God theyre old about women in their 40s when I was in my 20s and I do wonder now if the women I supervise now in their 20s think that of me in my 40s but it doesn't really bother me.

From when I was about 26 to 56 - still 'conventionally attractive' while also confident and self-sufficient, various men would tell me I was no spring chicken (exact quote, more than once!) and other remarks meaning I was so old that I should consider myself lucky they were bothering with me. Again, more than one man explicitly said he was my last chance!

I have no idea why any of those idiots thought this was a good idea. I can't imagine any woman has ever gone "Oh, you're so right, I hadn't realised I was past my use-by date! Thanks for letting me know! I'm very grateful that you're so desperate, you'd even shag a leftover like me. Stick your cock in my mouth."

I eventually heard about negging - and, there again, how the hell's that supposed to work? If you want a woman to want you, tell her she's a piece of shit? No, mate, it didn't work in junior school ("He picks on you because he likes you" - really??!) and it won't work now.

Then they all go on Misogyny Central to whine to each other about not getting laid ... 🙄🙄

To be fair, any threads on MN or similar about 'your teenage celebrity crush' always result in posts about how terrible the men look now.

And posts about middle-aged men and older dating always result in complaints about balding, Dad-bods, paunches and so on.

No-one likes ageing or finds it particularly attractive. They just don't.

I'd have climbed all over Axl Rose like a randy monkey on a sexy tree when he was in his 20s and 30s. And Slash. Now..no. He looks like shit. I know it's normal ageing but it's not attractive.

To be fair, it seems clear OP's in good condition and that some think she looks younger than her years. So your comment's irrelevant.

Dunno about you, but I'd still make a space for Clooney or Pitt.

I honestly couldn't be arsed with Clooney or Pitt. Too high maintenance and too high expectations.

I feel like Clooney or Pitt would want glamour, gymnastics in the bedroom and me being grateful for them being with me, with the ever-present threat of other women wanting to take my place.

I could make space for a Sean Bean possibly but only because I think he'd be happy with a standard shag occasionally, so long as he got pie and chips after and could watch Sheffield United with a few cans.

And he'd be away a lot.

That's the level of effort i'd be open to at this stage in my life.

I think some younger people are like that, a bit like some older women don’t like younger women. You could be mixing with the wrong sort OP. Although I was appalled when older men started giving me the eye. I just never saw myself as an older woman.

I blame the manosphere. There are entire sections of the internet dedicated to promoting women hit the wall at 30. Just listen to this clown and the comments supporting his theories.

Ok…

Don’t bother yourself about what men think about your age.
Men are eternal optimists when it comes to who is in their potential dating pool and at guessing women’s ages (not all of them, but enough that it’s a “thing”).
I’m early forties with a young kid.
I put on weight after I had her. My waistline is busted from diastasis rectii and my boobs are now huge but not in a good way.

Nevertheless, in the last few years I have gotten more male attention than ever before.
But, it is all from men who are mid fifties plus.
I was chatted up in the park by a man in his late sixties who thought I was my daughter’s grandmother. He kept saying “back in our day” 🙄
If it was just that I look older, fair enough. But I genuinely don’t. Not in the face for sure.
I’ve always been told I dress older than I am and joint problems affect how I move, but I look the age I am overall.
I’m not even offended by it but it definitely says something about men. Women never mistake me for older.
I have literally had an elderly guy in a wheelchair chat me up. I’m convinced it’s purely wishful thinking and self delusion on their part.
I’m married anyway but if I was looking to date, I’d be fine so long as I was ok with a minimum ten year age gap.
I really think a lot of men are like this. Most of them must end up going wanting.

Ahahahaaaa, that was hilarious! It's all recycled garbage, delivered as if he's got some special insight. Well, maybe has: insight into the desperate credulity of his (male) audience. All that 'high value men' red-pill stuff is to impress other men, isn't it?

Ignore the idiots.

I’m 48 and never experienced this. I’d get it if they were young but not the same age as you. What kind of groups are these!!