Age

[Ninapertree]

Do any other women feel like this. Im 42. I feel young. I am enjoying life. I go travelling, go to festivals. I know im not super young. But im not one foot in the grave. Im enjoying life.

However, men constantly try to make me feel old.

I went to a new group the other day. Age came up for some reason or another. I said my age. The men there looked at me like I was absolutely ancient. They looked at me like "how are you not in the grave" kind of way.

If i go to groups where there are people that i dont know well. If i say im in my 40s, the men look at me like i should be taken out back and shot!

Im single. I did online dating for a bit last year at 41. The men, even the ones the same age as me, would write things like "i cant believe you are 41". " you cant be 41".

I just feel like the way men seem to feel about women in their 40s is not how i feel abut myself at all! Its kind of sad

I've definitely met people who think you should lie about your age or not tell people your age when you get to 35+, particularly as a woman. I've always said "I don't care, I'm 50" etc and sometimes it makes them feel embarrassed that I even admitted to it. You shouldn't worry about what odd/old-fashioned/sexist men think, OP.

Very weird. Are you sure you are not imagining it? Or are you looking for something that is not actually there?
And stop telling people your age, if it causes such dramatic reactions for you.
Maybe join some clubs for the elderly, then you’d be referred to as the youngster.

Really awful some of the victim blaming on here.

It must be the woman imagining it. It can't be the man that's wrong.

How can I 'imagine' a comment that was said by a man to me?

Me either and I'm 45

They must be tits.
I’m nearly 60 and I don’t encounter this.

You’ve asked if other women have had the same experiences. We’re telling you that we haven’t. Nothing even near it. I cannot imagine why you think men would glare at you because of your age.

Why so aggressive? Thats fine if you havent experienced. What i was saying was wrong was the woman who said that i "imagined " it. Thats a horrible turn of phrase, and it is blaming the woman instead of the man.

If you can read, really try to read the thread, i didnt write that men just glared at me. I wrote numerous examples of the comments that men have SAID to me

I’ve also never experienced it, never witnessed it and nor has anyone I know. It’s so bonkers it’s unbelievable.

Are you having a bad day love?

Ageism is unbelievable? Pull the other one.

Did you see another poster come on here and say it happened to her too. Is she "unbelievable" too.?

It doesn’t make biological sense for young women to want old/er sperm therefore they are attracted to young virile looking men.
So older men can either access the front of their brain and go for someone age appropriate or for the most part they will go wanting.

I wasn’t aggressive in the slightest. You’re misreading that too.

To write 'its so bonkers its unbelievable" is aggrssive.
which you wrote

You didnt answer my question. Are you saying that the other poster' experiences are 'unbelievable' too?

They really aren’t saying that at all

Yes they are. They elaborated on their point later in my chats with them and wrote exactly what I wrote on this thread.

What do you take the comment to mean, out of interest?

I'm 44, and have been online dating since late last year. I've not experienced this at all. I also don't see it as a backhanded compliment when I'm told that I don't look my age, I know I don't, I've always looked younger than my actual age and I wouldn't see it as suggesting that someone who is my age should look any particular way.

There will always be men who dismiss you simply for being a woman, for being too young, too old, too blonde, too feminine, not feminine enough, too much make up, too little make up. Those kinds of men tend to be the kind who see women only as some kind of public convenience. The less time I have to spend with men like that the better. I'm 43 and haven't experienced horror at me being in my 40s but I also would t notice if I did unless it was overtly stated. Honestly my first assumption is I'm being dismissed for being fat so maybe it's just that your age is your hangup like weight is mine.

Saying to a woman "i cant believe you are 44".

Is saying that 44 is old.

I remember an incident when i was 32 and my female colleague was 40.

She told us her age. Male colleagues then said to her several times "oh my god i cant believe you are 40! " "you dont look 40" "i never would have believed that you would be 40".

She got upset about it in private with me. She dosnt like the comments.

They were still saying it next week. One man said to her "you could have knocked me over with a feather when you said you were FORTY!"
She complained about them them to HR. They did stop then.

When I say what I'm about to say, I'm not trying to portray myself as some amazing feminist, but honestly I didn't notice men's view of me changing because I wasn't paying attention to that. In my 40s I felt amazing. Full stop. I'm in my 50s now, I feel a bit less amazing because of various health concerns and time of life changes, but I still feel great, and I still have no clue how the men are perceiving me.

They actually said to you that it’s awful to be 41 and surprisingly you look good for someone who is 41? Wow.

I also think this is strange and not something I've experienced. Could it be that because you are 41 you are wanting to be in the 30 to 40 group and therefore meeting men who are looking for something different. Or maybe you need to search our different kinds of groups or ways of meeting people?

I am 52, and absolutely loving the fact that my kids are either completely or fairly independent, I'm senior in my job, have money and still look pretty good. I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, traveling, hopefully enjoying grandchildren, still working part time probably. I love the fact that I'm in no hurry to find them as no biological clock worries now. I always tended to be attracted to older men, but those men are now my age, with the confidence that goes with it.

I think if it is something you keep experiencing and others are saying that they haven't, I would take a step back and reassess whatever it might be you are bringing to the equation. Even if you don't want to post it here, I would think about it in the interests of doing something differently. This isn't victim blaming, it's having a think about what's going wrong and trying something that might be a better fit. Good luck

Yes.

Look up joanne mcnally, the comedian. She is a similiar age to me.

She talks about the awful messages she receives from men about her age, on the online dating apps

oh dear... was she only 38?😬
That makes me officially older than the cougar/milf.
I remember seeing that movie as a youngster and imagining she was about 52.

I have seen a lot of Joanne Mcnally’s comedy work, she’s great. Same age as me too. I don’t relate to what she says re comments from men as I haven’t experienced them, but I still find her amusing.

maybe one of the problems is that the groups near me are age segretated into 20s-30s and 30s to 40s.
There is no 40s-50s group.

When i go to the 30s-40s group, it is full of 30 year olds and the 30 year old men think im ancient

Men are not interested in women over 25 🤷🏼‍♀️