Age

[Ninapertree]

Do any other women feel like this. Im 42. I feel young. I am enjoying life. I go travelling, go to festivals. I know im not super young. But im not one foot in the grave. Im enjoying life.

However, men constantly try to make me feel old.

I went to a new group the other day. Age came up for some reason or another. I said my age. The men there looked at me like I was absolutely ancient. They looked at me like "how are you not in the grave" kind of way.

If i go to groups where there are people that i dont know well. If i say im in my 40s, the men look at me like i should be taken out back and shot!

Im single. I did online dating for a bit last year at 41. The men, even the ones the same age as me, would write things like "i cant believe you are 41". " you cant be 41".

I just feel like the way men seem to feel about women in their 40s is not how i feel abut myself at all! Its kind of sad

What about the group I went to to where i said the man introduced me to another man as "she is 30 so she is not that young'.

I wrote about that experience too.

I never experienced anything like that in my 40’s. Or my 50’s. I can’t see why men would actually glare at you when you tell them your age.

what are these groups? you need new hobbies.

As i wrote, they didnt just glare at me.

One man introduced me to another man at a group and said "she is 30, she is not that young". When i was 30.

One group i went to last year. A man asked me how old i am. Then he asked me do i have kids. I said no i don't. He looked at me shocked and said "you dont have kids!". And i said " no i never wanted kids". He looked at me in even more shock and said "you don't want kids! Why not!"

Lots of different groups.

Another group I went to last year. We were talking about age. I mentioned I was in my forties. A man asked me was I married and do I have kids. I said no to both.

He glared at me and said "why are you not married with kids by now?"

I found that when I was younger I got more pleasant treatment from men in general. It’s hard to just describe in words it’s just a general vibe you get off men when in shops etc . It’s like they would just be more friendly and helpful in general. That’s aside from all the unwanted attention young women get. Now I’m late 30s and a mother I feel like I’m already in a sort of invisible stage .ive never had someone give me attention then become unfriendly when I disclose my age though. I don’t know why someone would do that. Unless they are young men seeking a partner to have children with or something.

Im 41 and never experienced this so I can't really relate. I've had people say they can't believe I'm 40 but that's because they think I look younger not because they're surprised I'm not a corpse!

You have several times referenced a comment made a decade ago. Some of the other comments don't even relate to age (about whether or not you have kids/are married etc).

I also wrote about a comment that i received last year

@Ninapertree i was abroad at a festival when I was 29 with my boyfriend and we spent a day hanging out with these 2 Australian guys who were 22 or 23. One of them said to me I can’t believe you are here when I’m 29 I hope to be married with kids and stuff not hanging around festivals. I’m friends with him on Facebook. Funnily enough he seems to still be single and hanging around at festivals ten years later !

Omg that happened to me several times when I went travelling for a couple of months at 30.

Several men in different places said to me "should you not be settled down by now". "Arent people supposed to take life more seriously at 30".
One man said to me "i didn't think that people still travelled at 30'

I said to the last one "30 is young!". And he looked at me with scorn

Oh do you know what annoys me about that. A lot of men seem to think that women shouldnt be doing anything other than be married and have kids by 30.

Then you see loads if men in their 30s and 40s having the time of their life! Travelling, going to festivals, partying. They think women are too old to do it, while they think its fine for them to do it.

Id understand if these where comments from 18/19 year olds as anything 30plus is ancient but I don't understand it from people the exact same age as you as it makes no sense.

They were mostly from people a couple of years younger.

The ones from the same age as me make sense because the men don't think of themselves as old at that age, but they think of women as being old at that age.

Where do you live, is it a very rural backward place or something. Is there a cultural element, ie religious?

As I already wrote.

Those particular comments were made to me - when I went travelling around various countries.

My post was in reply to a woman who said that she also received a comment like that.

Do you think we all live in a rural backward place? Or do you see that men make those comments in lots of different places and settings.

I’m 50 and this has honestly never happened to me.

You need to join a group with some better men.

find ones with nicer men. my volunteer work, I can honestly say age has only ever come up incidentally and because we're roughly aged 19-83?? with no solid hierarchy, no one gives a damn. my favourite people there are 32, 52, 59 and 68. People only comment on ones ability to do the job / actual personality. No siants, just normal humans with manners.

the travelling one tho, she's 30 so not so young" does sound like it lacks context
Maria, 18, so very young. Claire, 30, not so young, Derek, 84, positively ancient..."

I can't help but wonder if you're projecting something given this happens to you so often

There have been so many changes - GOOD changes! - around health, longevity, fitness, beauty, nutrition, worklife etc etc.....far beyond your age OP, but todays 62 year old is light years away from what their mother or garndmothers were at that age. Somehow society hasnt quite caught up with that yet and when we say '45' 0r '52' or whatever, they see the previous generation in their minds eye. Just go with it and enjoy being fabulous and busting those stereotypes!

Yeh it’s annoying . And like to me a 30 year old woman seems so young now . I certainly wasn’t the only woman my age at that festival. I agree with pp I think some people just think anyone who is 5 or so years older than them is positively ancient. Then when they reach that age themselves they realise it’s not actually that different .

I think this is sometimes that the other person hasn't updated their mental image of themselves so struggles with relative ages. I'm 51 with young adult children. I mentioned one of my children to a colleague and she couldn't get over the fact that I have adult kids and kept saying things like, "you can't be that old- that makes you the same generation as my mum!" This colleague is mid 40s, about 5 years younger than me 😂 In her head, she was a similar age to my kids- in reality, very much not.

The guy that said it was in his 30s

OP, you always seem to be meeting people that say the oddest things to you!
I’m not sure how you manage it but my only advice to you is to try changing your social circle.