AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

Haha, it’s definitely been insightful.

Maybe I’ll invite them to come for a drive with me to the coast for a picnic. I won’t let them eat any of my hard boiled eggs, will count how many of my olives they eat to work out what they owe me, and be shocked at their audacity to expect me to bring them home too. I mean, how dare they assume I want to take them there AND home. They clearly can get a train. Lazy fuckers.

So the same as what you already do, keep count of what you've given them and expect it back?

Why did you even share your voucher with them, it seems like you only did it because "it's the done thing" not out of generosity, or you wouldn't still be so hung up on it.

Where did the vouchers come from, yours and theirs?

Were they gifted by someone? Or won? or were they a loyalty reward etc? It seems odd that you both had £100 gift vouchers for restaurants within 5 months of each other and it may explain why you shared and they didn't?

I think they should have shared, purely because you shared yours with them, but there is obviously some reason they didn't this time.

Why is it odd? Friends and family give me and my partner gift vouchers a lot for birthdays and xmas etc. I give gift vouchers to people too. I have no interest in ‘stuff’ so vouchers for restaurants are given and received a lot as eating out is a big part of what we do.

In both cases the vouchers were received as gifts. It wouldn’t even have entered my head to take my vouchers off my half of the bill. Not in a million years. But I guess it would be boring if we were all the same 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with this.

If OP had been clear in the OP that this was a gift card (not a voucher) and, more critically, that just a few months earlier she had used a £100 gift card to reduce the total restaurant bill with the same couple then I think the responses would have been a lot different and more uninanimous.

The there would have been less pontificating over whether you should/shouldn't split a personal gift card in a general "meal out with" friends scenario, and more feedback on OP's specific situation.

Please, PLEASE, telephone the restaurant and complain they are misleading Mumsnet by selling A5 pieces of think embossed paper of varying value in cardboard envelopes that say VOUCHER on them. Good grief. How can so many people not understand the concept of vouchers bought from a restaurant to give to people you like as a gift.

IT WAS NOT A GIFT CARD. FFS.

And if they are mates they will definitely share their money off voucher across your shared meal, that’s a given obviously. If rhey have a little conversation with the waiter and ask to half the bill and only use the money off voucher on their half without first discussing that with you …. they are acquaintances, and that’s fine.

Well quite. I think half the people commenting just sit at home keyboard warrioring and rarely get out to see how society (used to be) lubricated. Reciprocal kind acts are clearly a thing of the past.

This has already been said 100s times on this thread but "voucher" can also be interpreted as "coupon" (e.g. X% off your bill, £X off when you spend £X, etc). If you'd had said "gift voucher" in your OP it would have been clearer that you were referring to a payment type.

I happen to agree with you, but only after you've clarified what actually happened, fundamentally that you used a personal gift voucher of the same value to reduce the price of the total restaurant bill with the same couple a few months before. The fact they didn't reciprocate the gesture is rude.

Yes because that’ll teach them to use a voucher to pay for their share of the meal won’t it? 🙄

What’s the difference between a gift card and a gift voucher? I think both are used interchangeably these days. Once upon a time a voucher was something which was like a coupon and entitled you to money or a percentage off (so goods are discounted). But I think now providing it has the word ‘gift’ preceding it, they are one and the same. A gift card or gift voucher is not the same as a discount card / voucher / coupon.
a gift card / gift voucher does not give a discount. The shop / cafe / cinema / book shop is not giving you a discount on your purchase. The purchase has been paid in full to the retailer. Whilst you personally as the customer, may not consider you are paying the full price, because it’s been prepaid on your behalf, it’s still not a discount.

Why is paying for what you actually order nonsense?
Why should anyone subsidise other peoples food choices?

That's the way it should be done. :)

Op if your friends knew you had paid a proportion of their share with your gift voucher, then I agree it wasn’t great they didn’t return the favour. But did they know you had paid a percentage towards their part of the bill?

What’s with the GIF?

If it had been a gift card, would you have been ok with them spending it on themselves?

I’m with you op it’s embarrassing on their part. If I had £100 voucher I’d use it when I wasn’t out eating with friends. There’s some right weirdos out there that live among us. At least now you know not to make that mistake again lol

Agreed. Something has been lost along the way. Who knew I’d be in the ‘in my day people knew how to behave appropriately’ stage of life so soon. I think folk forgot how to manage social interactions after covid. Or it gave them an excuse to let their twattish behaviour loose.
Surprised nobody has suggested that perhaps the friends are neurodivergent yet 😂

They did.

So you’d only use a gift card if you’re eating alone?

Yes OP@Dinnerdrama what is the difference between gift card and gift voucher? They are interchangeable terms are they not ?

I would, or I would have the value of it removed from the total before the bill was split. Or if it was just DH and me it wouldn't be split anyway so makes mo odds.

Yes please.
if you are given a Waterstones gift card worth £100 and you belong to a book club with 8 members, it’s your turn to chose the book to read, each book costs £10.00 would you offer to buy each member a book?
If your parent / partner gave you a spa day gift card worth £50 and the day was £75 (so you only had to pay £25), you then casually mentioned to a mate you were going and she’d be welcome to join you, would you take £50 off the £150 bill so you now both paid £50?
you really want to see a concert. Money is a bit tight, but your family member gives you £30 as a birthday present to go to the concert. £25 for the ticket £5 for refreshments. Tickets are only available for cash on the door, you mentioned to a mate you are going and do they want to meet you there, would you offer to pay £15 towards their costs?

Thank you for clarifying. Maybe 'odd' is the wrong word, but it is definitely a coincidence that you both had the exact same gift of the same monetary value, to be used on meals out at a restaurant, within a couple of months of each other.

So maybe it is just the definition of what people think a gift should be used for?
If I was gifted £100 I wouldn't give my friend £50, I don't think I would use a £100 voucher on them at a restaurant if they routinely ordered more than me but still happily split the bill evenly either.. I'd save it for me and DH to use ourselves as a special treat, or for someone who would appreciate it.

The fact that they order lots more yet want to always split may give you a clue as to what sort of people they are, I couldn't do anything as cringe/blatant as to use it in front of you, but I know people in my personal life who absolutely would and I never give then an inch as they will take a mile, they most certainly will think you were a chump for sharing yours, they probably also feel smug about the fact that you subsidise their food and drink when they go out with you too! No wonder they are keen to go out!

How strange! Yet guessing you wouldn’t share a cash gift if you used that to pay your half? I do find it very strange that people find it embarrassing that someone might use a gift card to pay their portion! I wonder how this attitude has come about… thinking of people as “lesser” if they use a gift card they’ve been kindly gifted as an anniversary present etc. are they seen as cheap but not if they use a cash gift. I can’t fathom it! But then I absolutely wouldn’t be embarrassed by my friends paying cash/card/prepaid gift to be honest.