AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

The voucher in lieu of cash. I don’t see a problem.

I’m curious as to why you feel they should share it?

The OP didn't say she shared her voucher in the expectation of something in return. But they did it anyway, because they were friends with these people. For those 'friends' to then not return the nice gesture when they were in a position to do so, even down to the voucher being for the same amount I've seen from updates to this post is crappy behaviour. Selfish, grabby and she's within her rights to feel it's rude. Because it is. If you're the type of person who knows they're not going to return a nice gesture, then don't take one from somebody else. This is what's wrong with the world. Too many people who aren't prepared to share, but are more than happy to take. I'm just flabbergasted so many people think this OK to do this with friends who have been generous with you I'm the past. She should bin the self-centred cheapskates off.

Tight arsed twats despite what other posters think.

Assuming it's a voucher for a set amount, it would be generous to share it, but it's not really any different from them putting down cash for part of their half of the bill.

Because they shared OP's gift voucher for the same amount on a previous (recent) occasion?

I'd only agree with you that they are cheeky if you actually did have a very similar equivalent cash gift card when you went out last time and used it off the whole bill and they were 100% aware of this. If that is actually true, then yes I can see why you are annoyed.

This is a weird one. If you hadn’t used your own gift card towards the bill on a previous meal out with them, I’d think you were bang out of order bc you’re not entitled to someone else’s money. Just bc they have a gift card doesn’t mean you’re entitled to money off your meal. If they’d paid in cash, you’d have no clue where they got that cash from - it could’ve also been a “gift” given to them and you’d be none the wiser. Why is a gift card any different?

Having said all that, as you previously used a gift card to take money off the whole bill on a meal out with them earlier this year, I do think it’s odd they didn’t do the same. Seems disingenuous not to return the “favour”. Live and learn - next time you have a gift card or a money off voucher, save it for a date night for you and your OH.

Ordinarily though, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I went out with friends and they used a gift card towards their meal, just like I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if they paid in cash - and I’d have no clue where that cash came from or whether it had been gifted to them, either. Their money is none of my business and I’m not entitled to any of it. I’m v generous and most of my friends are too, but there’s some who are known to be a bit grabby and always out for what they can get so I do watch myself and keep my generosity in check when dining out with them. Maybe this will prove to be a pattern with your friends?

Regardless of the rights or wrongs of it, it’s just really tacky. It looks cheap and mean.

So that "generosity" from the OP was transactional, and/or just for show?

It turned batshit when people think that a gift card is a discount

Were they for the same amount?

Did either of them have a short expiry date?

Who gave you yours and who gave them theirs? Was yours, for example, a business reward and theirs a wedding anniversary gift?

How long before the second incident did you use your voucher? Is there a possibility that they could have either not noticed or forgotten your kind gesture?

Yes, but it's the recipient's voucher to use as they wish and if it was me I'd use it to reduce the whole bill for everyone in my company if I was out for a meal in a restaurant with them.

But it doesn’t mean the friend is wrong or right not sharing it

No, I specifically said it feels like a discount because it means I am paying less. Not that it is a discount in any legal sense which you find an important distinction.

Both a gift card, if it is actually a gift, and a voucher that gives a set amount off have the same net impact on me and how much I am required to pay. The amount left on the bill is discounted from the original amount whichever way you want to look at it.

Glad you explained OP, I was thinking of a scenario where the voucher gave x percent off the total bill. In the situation that you've described I don't think they did anything wrong. To me, it's just like having cash and I wouldn't expect to benefit from it. In your shoes, I would assume that I was paying for what I ordered. If they offered, fine but I genuinely wouldn't expect it.

No, just not much of a friend.

I keep seeing threads like this, I Get a lot of people are struggling, but the sheer greed and grabiness in wanting what others have, is really dismal.

Depends on the voucher .

Completely different if you are in a large group and it's a modest amount. One couple inviting another is an intimate dinner and that sort of invitation sometimes implies the those inviting are going to pay anyway. Plus the OP had already donated 50% of her own voucher to the same couple earlier this year (and it's only May)!

I’ve seen threads like this is reverse before.

“I had a voucher, went out for dinner with a friend, she insisted it was used for the whole bill rather than my part which made it unaffordable for me” sort of thing.

Most MNers seem to think it’s rude to insist a voucher is shared.

Exception being where the voucher holder says “I have a voucher for X restaurant, do you want to come” - then that creates an expectation of sharing it.

I don’t think you’re saying that you went along on that basis Op?

But you’re saying because you previously share a voucher you’d expect them to do the same? I do sort of see why you might, but then also that you shouldn’t give to receive.

I’d mostly say YABU unless you only went to that restaurant because they said they had a voucher.

This.

You know the very worst breach of manners you can commit is to point out poor manners in others.

So by hawking this gauche story around you have thoroughly outclassed them in bad form.

The correct form is to privately note the behaviour and consider it in future, but not mention it to them or to anyone else.

So very low class of you to whine about this, OP.

(And they were fine to use the voucher as cash, tbh)

@DappledThings you keep saying it "feels" like a discount, but I don't understand why a gift card would feel like a discount to anyone other than the person who's gift card it is.

Anyway @Dinnerdrama, I think you and your friends are in the wrong here.

I think it's very grabby to assume that someone should split a gift card with you*, however, it was poor etiquette of your friends to invite you to a restaurant they'd presumably chosen because they had a £100 gift card to spend there. Me and DP are often given restaurant vouchers for Christmas/birthday and it's lovely to have a cheap night out somewhere fancy - expecting friends to join and pay full whack would just be awkward.

*this point is superceeded by the fact you split a gift card with them in the past (assuming the gift card was indeed a gift card - not a voucher - and also £100 or thereabouts).

@DappledThings you keep saying it "feels" like a discount, but I don't understand why a gift card would feel like a discount to anyone other than the person who's gift card it is.
I never said it should. It would feel like a discount to me because I have less to pay. I would feel weird if I didn't share that reduction in the bill with the rest of the party. I said multiple times I didn't expect others to feel the same.

The very worst..? Really, you've arbitrarily decided that, have you? Of all the crass behaviour and faux pas, that's the worst? Do you edit Debrett's when you're not on here?
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