AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

It is NOT money off, that is a voucher. Vouchers are not cash.

A gift card is cash paid in advance. It could have been bought by the diner herself.

With your logic you would say that people paying by credit card should share that ‘voucher’ because it’s not paid on the date either.

If it's a specific amount that can only be spent in a specific place then yes, that to me is a discount. Once more, I entirely understand others see it differently and, again, I do not expect anyone to share their discount. I wouldn't find it odd if they did and yes, a bit surprising if they didn't. But it remains how I see it.

I think your way is weird. If they’d had cash not a gift voucher then should they have knocked it off yours? What if it was a prepaid debit card they got as a gift? Or a debit card for their specific “eating out fund” bank account?

Sometimes I buy vouchers as a way of allocating spend (if I’ve got the voucher then I have to treat myself). Just because I’ve converted cash into a different format doesn’t mean that it’s then up for grabs - I was either contributing to your share or I wasn’t. HOW I pay wouldn’t change that…

Share and share alike amongst my close, good friends is my way of life, if I can.

I guess someone might buy themselves a voucher. Not sure why but sure, they could. If I had done that I would probably feel the need to explain that so it was clear why what I had in my hand wasn't actually a freebie.

Actually no, it’s cash paid in advance and that is one fundamental difference.
Gift cards CAN be exchanged for cash.
A gift voucher can be spent at any time on multiple occasions until the pre paid amount is zero. It is treated as cash.

Vouchers are not paid for in advance, they are normally free for marketing or promotions, they have no cash value and have restrictions. They can not be exchanged for cash.

Surely this is a wind up? Imagine dumping a friend for not buying you dinner and thinking you have the moral high ground

If it was me whether it was a discount voucher or a gift card, I still would’ve used it to come off the whole bill, its a nice gesture to share with whoever you are having the meal with. I have done this in the past and the others got another round of drinks in to round the night off to say thanks.

Let me explain this simply, because I fear you are not grasping the real issue. If you do something 'magnanimous', you don't expect other people to reciprocate, and judge them if they don't. That's not how it works.

So, no. It's not relevant when you offered your voucher, or how much it was. The issue here is that you come off as super judgemental to the point that you don't want to eat with these people anymore, but then you describe yourself as a 'dying breed' and a 'magnanimous person'. No, you are not that. And good riddance to your breed, I'd say!

What if you’d been in the week before and bought the £100 gift card? Or you bought it through a work scheme that day because you got a 5% discount and it only cost you £95.

You think that you should then give £47.50 of what was your cash an hour ago to the other party because you bought your payment method in advance? Maybe even minutes in advance? (These are real life examples where I’ve had a gift voucher). The £5 discount in that example is hardly worth sharing but adds up if you put all of your spending through vouchers this way.

Your logic makes no sense!

Ah well. After all this fun I remain unmoved in my position.

If I had £100 that was given to me to spend in a specific restaurant and I invited people to come with me I would apply that £100 to the entire bill before splitting it. It would make no difference to me whether that £100 was a voucher out of a newspaper or a printed voucher I got from work or a card a relative had put it on.

I would not expect other people to feel the same or to act the same. But I'm not going to change how I would choose to apply what feels TO ME like money off the bill.

If I invite someone out for dinner, I pay.
If we choose to go together we split.
Which was it?

Yep
The Ops manners seem to have left the building also ...😂

Why should she have to explain herself and her payment method because OP can’t understand what a gift voucher is for and is expecting to benefit.

Maybe the friend is crap with money so bought a gift card for her partner so they wouldn’t over spend from their wages that month. Who knows, it’s none of OP business.

There is only one difference between paying with a pre paid gift card, a credit card or a debit card and that is the time at which the funds were paid.

I buy myself vouchers all the time. I get a small (1-5%) discount on some through a work scheme, and sometimes I do it to ensure I do treat myself to the meal out later that month (instead of the cash evaporating on coffees and petrol in the meantime!).

Your definition of a discount is factually incorrect. It's causing confusion and I think it's why so many people are arguing with you, not because they care what you chose to do with your gift vouchers.

Otherwise I do see your point of view but it's irrelevant in this situation because you are not imposing your point on others.
I personally see cash like that. Once I've taken it out of my account it's as good as "spent" and I'm more likely to be spend it on my friends. However, if my friend was paying for her portion of dinner in cash I wouldn't be mortified when she didn't cover mine too.

What part of me saying I would explain myself means I think someone else should?

No one said the £100 was given to the friends. They could have used their own money to buy it in advance. If you had a credit card with a £100 limit, would you pay for everyone’s mean with that? If not, why does paying for the meal before the meal mean you should share your money, but paying for it afterwards mean you don’t?

ETA: and do you see cash as different? Because once that’s withdrawn it’s no longer in my budget (akin to if I’d bought a gift voucher). Should I share my cash by your logic?

Let me ask a question.

If the person who bought the gift card had instead left a credit card for the friend's part of the meal behind the bar as a surprise gift would OP still expect her to share that gift?

Or another question, what if OP’s friend paid by credit card but that credit card bill was paid off by her mum, should she share split that benefit with OP.

OP is out of line. It is absolutely none of her business how anyone pays when they are paying with a pre paid gift card, a debit card or credit card.

A free voucher, or discount code is something completely different

I think it's reasonable to treat a £100 gift card like a £100 note and simply put it towards their share of the bill. Particularly if the gift card had been a birthday present or similar. If I won it as a raffle prize I would probably share it with everyone. Might that explain the different attitudes?

The list of random hypothetical situations could be endless.

I really am leaving now. Fun as it has been. I would share a gift. Any gift card given to me I consider a discount on my experience and I would share that discount. I would not expect others to necessarily. I cannot see that that is in any way an unreasonable position.

So if two people go to the cinema and one of them was bought a Cineworld gift voucher by her brother, she should split that with her friend because it could only be used in one place?

We don’t even know the friends financial situation. I’ve purchased gift cards on cash back sites so many times. I always check to see if the restaurant I’m going to is on there. Imagine buying a gift card to get 8% cash back on your meal and your friend decides you should give her half of it and is mortified on hour behalf and never wants to eat out with you again.

I've also just got a voucher from a particular restaurant I’m going to mid month as I know I get a bit stingey mid month and having a voucher will mean I won’t worry about what I’m spending as much.

I’m glad I don’t have friends like OP that thinks their ideas of etiquette is that other people gift cards are fair game

Do you share your take home pay each month with your friends?

No thought not.

Someone gave me a voucher for the Ivy recently. I went to the Ivy with friends a week later, didn't use it. I didn't want to share it with my friends but I wouldn't have dreamt of using it towards my portion of the bill.
I think you either take it off the entire bill or don't use it.

I used it a few weeks later with my husband.

I don't think it's the definition of CFery but it's bad decorum imo. I don't think I know anyone who behaves this way.