To think marrying someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times is a very, very bad idea

[MargoLivebetter]

I saw that Earl Spencer was on the front pages of some of the papers today for marrying a 4th wife.

AIBU to think that it is probably very unwise to marry someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times? Just that. Not even thinking about all the other stories that whirl around this particular individual but just the very fact that if you have been married and divorced 3 times that seems like a giant whale sized red flag to me.

Maybe I'm missing the romance of it all - or maybe not!

On Loose Women today they were talking about Married at First Sight because of the Panarama expose. Janet Street Porter said she thought it was a terrible premise for a programme because it goes against the sanctity of marriage. That’s the same JSP who has just got married for the 5th time.

I have been told that a dad loosely in my acquaintance has remarried. She is his 2nd wife. He apparently is her 6th husband. The kids are mid teens and older and married without telling them first.

Thinking about it logically

Unless you meet your partner very young most people will have previous relationships, married or not

I had a relationship with a woman I met in her mid 30's who hadnt had a relationship until that point and while she was lovely it didnt end well

I think I’d feel really embarrassed inviting everyone I knew to my fourth wedding, third even. I think the cut off is two and after that you just look like a bit of an idiot.

Usully yes. But I think exceptions can be made for an Earl, multi millionaire with a stately pile.

Ive a friend (male) who has been married 4 times. When he met his last wife he was single and he was clear from day one that she was the love of his life. They've been married for 25 years and are very happy- her first and only marriage

@bellventrico do you think the previous 3 wives were just tests then, that he didn't love them or only loved them a bit in a kind of half-hearted way? I'm always curious what the mindset must have been before the "love of their life" one came along.

My DH had been married and divorced twice before me, and so had I. We have been together 20 years, married for 10, and absolutely adore each other. Sometimes it just takes a few mistakes before you meet the right person.

Well to be fair to him, his first died, so he has only divorced once. Pretty average and very modest for an artist. Divorcing that awful heather what´shername was inevitable.

Life is long. My mum is on her fourth marriage. First one at 18, lasted a year. Her family situation was difficult.
Next was my dad. Lasted about 8 years. He has a bad temper.
Then my stepdad. Lasted 15 years. He also had a bad temper.
Then her current husband. Together 25 years. Not a perfect marriage, but workable and happy enough.

If you pick badly three times then it still means you don’t share the same values as I do about marriage. So I view three times married men and women the same in that regard.

Indeed!

That would depend on when you say it I guess.

When he has just brought you a cup of tea in bed: flattered
When you are spraying air freshener after he has just used the loo: insulted.

I think so much is luck. You can do obvious things like avoid arrogant chancers with the gift of the gab, people who don’t work or have neck tattoos and piercings, people who take drugs or give off angry vibes, people who admit to previously having been unfaithful.
But ultimately, it’s really hard to know how someone will act as a parent, or be with you 15 years in. Some people are able to put the relationship before being right or their own happiness, many are not, and you have to both be this way or it doesn’t work. It takes maturity and forbearance and not many people have this.

Yes but the pile will soon go to the son, and on his fourth marriage he has quite a number of children to split anything else between.

At this point she'd do better to marry a well-heeled accountant if its money she's after.

Don't knock it. Worked out for Catherine Parr.

🎵 Divorced / Beheaded / Died / Divorced / Beheaded / Survived 🎵

Not to be a pedant, but Henry never actually divorced any of his wives!

Anne of Cleves was annulled, wasn't she? Was Catherine of Aragon also annulled?

Annulment just doesn't have the same ring! 😩

Yes. Henry never stopped seeing himself as a Catholic (just not a Roman Catholic!) so divorce was forbidden. That's why they had to find spurious grounds for 'annulment' so in practice it was much the same thing!

Yes but “annulled” sounds worse in the rhyme!

When I learnt the rhyme, it was 'Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Set Aside, Beheaded, Survived'.

depends on how good the pre-nup is at protecting the wealth.
UK law of course somewhat dubious in this regard

but hey, since when has rationality ever been a factor in the decision to get married.

I’m married to my third husband and it’s the best so far. 14 years in and madly in love still.

An ex colleague separated from his 5th wife. At this point I would have thought you just admit to yourself that maybe marriage just isn’t for you but apparently he’s holding out hope that 6th times a charm.

Judging by how easily my ex bounces from one relationship to another I’d say this kind of blindness is relatively common. Despite a relationship history of me; 10yrs,2 planned children, (at least 2 affairs) then another 5 yr relationship including another child ending with another affair, another relationship of about 4 years, then a whirlwind with a colleague which involved her moving in with him after a couple of months, them buying a house together within 6 months, and splitting up after roughly 18 months together, then another relationship of just over a year, and now he’s engaged to another colleague after barely 6 months together.

How he can sell this track record as anything other than problematic is beyond me. How dumb/blinkered are these women who believe him when he says “it’s different this time” as he lovebombs and promises happy ever after after a few weeks of dating?

So no, I’m not surprised there are women out there willing to marry a man like Earl Spencer!