AIBU to be content with a traditional division of labour?

[BeCosyNavyMentor]

Throwaway. My husband (41) is a corporate lawyer specialising in big mergers and acquisitions in the City. He routinely works 12-14 hour days, often gets called in at weekends, and travels to Europe a few times a month. He earns around £250-300k a year plus bonus, which covers our mortgage on a 5-bed in Surrey, private school fees for all three kids, and pretty much everything else.
I work three days a week term-time as a teaching assistant. The rest of the time I run the house completely — all cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids’ schedules, homework, birthdays, dentist appointments, shopping, dealing with the builders, everything. At weekends he might take the children to play football for an hour or two, but I’m still the one managing it all. He’s not lazy in himself — he’s just focused on his career and bringing home the money.
The truth is I’m mostly happy with it. I actually enjoy being the one who holds the home together and I’m proud of what he does. We rarely argue about it and the kids are thriving. My sister says I’m letting him get away with murder and that no modern woman should accept this in 2026.
AIBU to think this is just a normal, practical arrangement for a lot of families? Or have I internalised the patriarchy and should be furious?

Not sure where you got that from - I’m referring to her saying her daughter loves to do housework and her son wants to be a provider like his dad.

She has the choice but many women don't and to be honest women who choose not to work so their DHs don't have to lift a finger at home make it harder for everyone else. That is why I certainly don't think every choice is a feminist one.

Again there are lots of assumptions here. Just because a man might have a fulltime job does not mean he "does not have to lift a finger at home." That is down to the couple.

When I was a SAHM for 5 years my working OH still helped with the running of the household. He did not come home and sit on his bum while I waited on him.

I wasn't really meaning sitting on his bum while you waited on him. There are certainly men who do very little at home though.

My situation is similar to yours OP, but for different reasons.
My DH earns well, nowhere near as much as yours, but enough to pay the mortgage, all bills and for us to have a decent standard of living. Until a year ago, I also worked full time and earned a decent wage which meant that we had a great household income, split all domestic and children-related tasks (admittedly I probably still did more!).
Then we had a series of tough life events thrown at us like a barrage, one of which was my cancer diagnosis.
We made the decision for me to give up work completely for the foreseeable future, certainly while I'm still having treatment and potentially for a little longer after that to rest and recover.
Even then I imagine I'll just work very part-time. Mainly because we've both realised how beneficial it has been for all of us for him to be able to concentrate completely on work in the knowledge that I'm at home handling most of the household and children stuff. We have a more peaceful and less frantic home life, even while dealing with the bad stuff.
So each to their own.
I realise that in many ways we are very lucky to have the choice.

It is not either/or ....
EITHER you work F/T outside of the home, send children to care facility, be a worthwhile productive person.
OR you are a SAHP who is not productive, and waits on the spouse who is at work outside of the home when they come home.

There is a whole spectrum between those 2 extremes. I like the idea of respecting those choices without making value judgements.

At least women have choice now.

However the reality is that everyone's choices are restricted by financial factors. Someone (male or female) who might wish to be a SAHP is likely to find that impossible because of the need for there to be 2 earners in a household.

But where finances allow then people should be free to make their own choice without being told that by choosing to be a SAHM they are foisting some sort of 1950s housewife role on their daughters. Not so .... those DDs will make their own choices.

I think it’s fine and almost any division of labour is fine as long as both parties are happy with it and value the role of the other person, and the protections of marriage are in place.

I can’t see what the issue would be - no one has ever said that women should be forced to be in paid work if it suits both parties to have one person at home, and it’s decided that it should be the woman.

It surely helps that your DH’s income is so higher though! I’m sure that makes the role of “home manager” a lot nicer and easier.

And that higher family wage probably brings with it the respect that society gives to those who are better off - which probably helps too!

I think the downfall can come when society doesn’t recognise that the “home maker” partner in a less well off family (ie their partner earns less), or a single parent who is currently unable to be in work, is doing an equally valuable role and should be equally esteemed by society.

That’s not normal to earn that much in my world but if you’re happy; great. I’d only worry the example you’re setting for your daughters and your own boredom! I’d be bored out my mind!

If this works for you - great.
just make sure you would be ok if anything happens - not just in case of divorce, but also long term illness…