To ask how you would feel about seeing a plus size woman at a fairly market beach club?

[cocoonme]

I don’t have much to add. I’ve booked myself into a nice beach club in the French Riviera in the summer, but I’m plus size and feel a little bit like I should just cancel the reservation.

Not being funny
But why do you think people will notice you or care?

No offence but if I’m at a nice beach club in the French Riviera then I’m not going to be worrying about what other guests look like, I’m going to be far too busy chilling.

Have a lovely time.

I worked more towards accepting my body than loving it. It helped me to follow plus size models on Instagram and get ideas about bikinis and beachwear from them. I would get my nails done, wear a bright lipstick, a floppy sunhat and pair of sunglasses and it made me feel glamorous regardless of size. I love a thin wafty kaftan - Boden and Monsoon are good - and supportive bra sized bikinis eg from Elomi or Bravissimo. But more than that, I love the feel of sunshine on my skin and I love to be in the water. I won't deny myself those joys.

I've lost weight through MJ now (and subsequently can't afford a fancy beach holiday this summer!) and it's destabilising in some ways. I am still overweight, but six stone down and I don't always know how to dress this different body. I wouldn't say I love it, but I'm grateful it carries me through every day and I'm alive and in good health and if the opportunity arises to enjoy a beach club then I absolutely will. You deserve it.

I mean if you were wearing something I liked I might think "oh thats nice what she has on" but in reality I am unlikely to notice you as I am there to relax and enjoy myself. Much like you I am sure. Dont cancel.

Realistically, the more upmarket a place, the more likely it is that anyone "larger" will get one or two looks from very thin women who are never going to get to go anywhere nice unless a man pays for it, and who have absorbed the message from the cradle that you "get a man" by starving yourself, and who seem to resent any larger woman who's having fun and not even hungry. You've evaded your proper share of feminine suffering, you see. Anyone who thinks this never happens can't ever have been even a bit fat. I've had it happen at size 16 (was never any bigger) - it must be so much worse for those bigger than that. I'm two stone lighter now and it's stopped happening.

Saying it couldn't happen is a bit like telling a black or brown person "Yeah, you should totally go on holiday hill-walking in one of the most rural and white bits of the UK - there's absolutely no way you're going to get any of the locals looking at you like you've got two heads". They might. Denying that crappy behaviour ever happens, to the people on the receiving end, is not helping them. They should still go, obviously, if they think they'll love hill-walking. And ignore any idiots. But it happens.

Go. Dress glam. People respect you more when you look like you respect yourself. Get your hair and nails done and maybe think about waterproof make-up. Remember that size 16 is not size 30, and you don't stand out as much as you think you do. (A lot of people who've lost weight can't really "see" themselves as the size they now really are). Have fun. Maybe you'll get some skinny orange bird with too much lip filler raising an eyebrow, but probably not, and who cares what people like that think anyway? Remember: you're not even that bloody big. There's nothing actually the slightest bit unusual about the sight of a woman who is your shape. It'll be fine.

Remember to report back on how much fun you had!

It sounds like you are imagining an ibiza type beach club where everyone is young and beautiful. IME the French Riviera will be hugely different. Its money over youth. I only say that because it might help to try some visualisation where you see a whole range of people - big, small, young old, etc and who all smile at you and say bonjour and dont look twice at your arms.

The most feminist thing you can do as a fat woman is live your life unapologetically. You go!

This post started out well.
Although the bit about thin women not being able to go without men paying is offensive.
At least it admits, in part, the elephant in the room (no pun intended- I mean that.) that the wealthier a person is the more likely they are to be slim.
It's a cold, hard truth.

Then negates it all with the next part about going anyway in spite of the fact that the OP is likely to feel out of place.

Makes no sense.

I don’t think I’d think anything at all / have any kind of particular reaction.

Good for you? Have fun? Enjoy? How absolutely fabulous? That I am slightly jealous due to currently sitting in front of my screen and dealing with energy regulations and pricing?

so yeah, go forth and enjoy! Please don’t feel self conscious or cancel the holiday!😊

Wear a fabulous bathing suit / bikin, nice coverups (kaftan style is good because it is appropriate to promenade as well) and a sun hat that makes you feel chic :)

I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful to the OP, but why are you assuming that she has disordered eating?

This is part of the problem, that if you’re a larger size, people assume that you must be super greedy, stuff yourself constantly, and that your eating pattern is ‘disordered’ . They make many cruel judgments based on this assumption, which are often communicated to you in snide and extremely unkind ways. Hence, I assume, OP wondering if she should just ‘not eat’ on the holiday - I assumed it was because she can’t face those comments.

The reality around weight and size is far more complicated.

Just for clarity, I don’t speak from personal experience but have heard such assumptions about other people.

I’m older than you I would think, and I lost half my body weight when my DH died - now I’m a size 10.

All good, but my skin hasn’t really co-operated so I’ve got looser skin than I had. Age I guess. 🤷‍♀️

Bingo wings, dodgy arms, odd thighs - jeez. 🙄

But, I dress carefully - so get a long sleeved lovely cover up, get clothes in the right size, that make YOU feel good.

Buggar anyone else. I really don’t care what others think, I’m happy, my partners happy, so it’s irrelevant what anything else thinks about anything.

Most people are worrying about how they look to think about others. .

I shouldn't think anyone has ever lay on the deathbed wishing they’d had less fun because they didn’t want to show their imperfect bodies to a wider public.

Enjoy yourself.👍

Sounds miserable.
Do what makes you happiest.

99 times out of a 100 people are overweight because of overeating. Conditions like PCOS can have a big effect of course. Many people have slower metabolisms. Some people have thyroid issues. But OP hasn't mentioned any of these and her self-esteem seems very low. It is highly likely her weight is due to overeating. OP can correct me if I'm wrong. Overeating doesn't mean a person is bad or a moral failure. It means they have a coping mechanism for life that doesn't work.

CBT is tremendously helpful and I wouldn't want to not offer good advice that could be life-changing because it's not currently considered the most politically correct thing to.

Hold you in swimsuit from M and S, cotton beach overshirt from H and M, smocked sundress from H and M or a linen sundress, try Next. Big sunglasses and a big straw bag. You will look fab and enjoy.

I wouldn't give a shiny shite about someone else's size, and would try not to care about my own. Wear something comfortable that doesn't make you feel self conscious - don't spoil it for yourself - have a lovely time.

wow

so you would scream at so-called fat-shaming, but such a bitchy and nasty posts against slim women?
Not that you redeem yourself with your Remember that size 16 is not size 30, and you don't stand out as much as you think you do.

It must be such a sad life to be so bitter about other women.

Maybe YOU should start doing sport, because you clearly have some very serious issues to work on 😂

I wouldn't feel anything. Maybe admire the bikini if I liked it. Or think oh she looks like she's having fun. But the body wouldn't even be a consideration. Nobody is forced to look at anybody else.

Btw: my suggestion with the coverup wasn’t because I think OP needs to hide or cover herself.

It was simply due to her mentioning public transport!

It’s my birthday today, so I’m going to treat myself to some bits to help me feel more confident- a nice body oil, nail polish etc

I wouldn’t think about it. There will be plenty of other plus size women there.

Why? There are plenty of fat people everywhere, even in Riviera. Not as many French, but tourists. You won't be the only one, and no one would care. People are mostly interested in themselves anyway.

I spent time at a fabulous beach club in January - I can't remember what anyone else looked like.

I’ve bought some fabric to sew a vest/trousers set. I’m really into sewing so I’m hoping it works out well!

Don't take this the wrong way but unless you are getting in my way, making comments about my body or trying to use your circumstances as an excuse to skip queues than I won't even register your existence.

I think the judgement comes from those for whom staying slim is a real effort.
For example, if a person just naturally doesn't like cream cakes then putting a tray of them in front of them won't tempt them. You may as well put cardboard in front of them.
If, however, putting cream cakes in front of someone who loves them not eating them means they have to use willpower.

Those for whom staying slim is no effort tend to be less bitchy as it's not something their ego is invested in.
For those for whom it is an effort, well they see it as an achievement and think that people who aren't slim and enjoying themselves in spite of it have got away with 'not working' for it.

A friend of mine is the former, size 8 because she just has no interest in food other than a means of staying alive.
She also has a natural dislike of sweet food.
Being slim isn't an achievement in her eyes. Neither something to be proud of or ashamed about.

She probably wouldn't care what size you were.
The other type, though, well ain't gonna lie, they may be judgemental.

All you can do is ignore.