To ask how you would feel about seeing a plus size woman at a fairly market beach club?

[cocoonme]

I don’t have much to add. I’ve booked myself into a nice beach club in the French Riviera in the summer, but I’m plus size and feel a little bit like I should just cancel the reservation.

I'm saddened by the poster who's a size 12 feeling the need for a cover up. Really?! Christ, what hope is there for others then.
Saying that, I dont give a shit.

Please OP dont hide behind a boring swimsuit...get something fabulous to wear. You've done fabulously on your weight loss journey.

This is what would stand out to me, not your size. I’d be aware of you feeling uncomfortable and that would honestly draw more attention than your size. Fwiw beach clubs usually do banging food so why wouldn’t you eat?

also fwiw, I have a great body now but that’s definitely not always been the case. I was a 16-18 a few years back and thought I was stunning, probably more body confident then than I am now despite being a toned size 10, clearly size wasn’t a problem as I’d always get guys wanting my number and asking me on dates. It’s cliche but confidence really is key.

don’t cancel your reservation. Have fun

I have been you. You either have to own it or you’ll feel really self conscious. I’m at an age where I don’t give a toss and can afford nice swimwear and cover ups!
Own it don’t try to compete would be my advice! I asked my French ( from Nice) friend why Parisian women and women from the Sth seemed to be able to eat what they want and drink wine and still be incredibly thin and glam and she laughed hysterically before saying ‘ THEY don’t eat!’ It’s a myth that somehow they have croissants for breakfast every day and have 3 hour lunches and put dressing on everything, and drink red wine yet are tiny - they starve, they drink espresso, they eat salad, they smoke.
So keep
that in mind and see if it helps!

How do I gain body confidence?

Poppy Adams on instagram

Believe me when I say no one will be paying attention to you. Just going on minding their own business & holiday.

plus remember that you are unlikely to see them again. If they stare, stick your tongue out at them, raise your eyebrows and then smile.

A couple of bathing suits and some kaftans. Eat bread and cheese, and charcuterie. Drink wine and be fabulous in a big floppy hat. Channel the fashion of the fabulous character from the White Lotus played by Jennifer Coolidge.

Well said

I see people like her and respect it and agree with her, but when I look at myself I feel disgusting

I too was going to refer to white lotus and JC!

In France though, bikinis are the thing and I do wonder of full bathing suits stand out more negatively

Mind you...I get down to the full birthday suit if I can 🫢

I clicked YANBU by accident . Wouldn’t bat an eyelid to be honest .

I was the same, you would not see me in less than shorts & tshirt round the pool.

bit bigger now & I buy outfits/colours I would never wear normally wear and I buy swimdresses/shorts, my holidays are my chance to be adventurous

Ok I’m going to get flamed here but here’s my totally honest answer. I’d look at you & feel better about myself. Temporarily. Then I’d feel guilty for feeling that way, then I’d hope you felt comfortable & not judged by assholes like me. Then I’d forget all about you. Same as I would if I saw a super skinny person. Of course we notice different body shapes. If I saw someone with a ‘perfect’ figure I’d judge her too. Cos I’m a judgy bitch. If I see someone having a great time I want to be in their orbit.. whatever their size. Own it I say!

What would I think?

I’d think “hello stranger who is the same shape as me. Don’t we look gorgeous! What a lovely place.” And then I’d buy you a cocktail.

if you are really, really struggling for body-confidence, channel a body-persona for a day. Don’t change your personality, but deliberately style yourself a certain way (could be glam, sweet, bubbly, 1920s bathing beauty, whatever).

If I were your friend I’d be taking you shopping for a big floppy stylish sun-hat, oversized Chanel-style sunglasses, deep-red lippy, striking colour-coordinated bikini and translucent kimono, and a nice maxi-dress (for the journey), with a big oversized beach-bag in similar colour scheme. Very understated glam / 50s film star in disguise.

To those reading this who aren’t plus sized and are all confused & puzzled as to why a bigger woman would even think like this - whilst you’re all being treated by others based on either who you are or who they are, we are all getting sly nasty digs said to us, by vicious individuals under their breath as they walk past whilst nobody hears (“Fat slob” “Fat arse” etc).
We’re being blatantly ignored, snapped at impatiently, treated like we’re in the way, having workers walk away once we reach the front of the queue when there’s nobody behind us because despite being bigger, we’re invisible. Having strangers stand up & move away when we sit next to them on a bench, overhearing people’s nasty comments to each other about us as they walk past us, having “STOP EATING CRISPS YOU FAT FUCK!” shouted at us in the car park as we load our child’s Pom bears into our car boot (again, always happens when nobody else is around..), having all our new co-workers look at each other in disappointment when we start our first day at work, all the school mums consistently leaving us (& any other plus sized mums) out of ALL year group-wide events & invitations, and them smirking at each other if we try to chat to them.
Do we get any staff members in shops/businesses/services going ‘above & beyond’ for us?! Abso-fucking-lutely not, nope! Never, ever; and that’s regardless of whether they’re male or female. Heck, even the Dentists’ receptionist speaks to me as though I’m some vile, heinous criminal of the worst kind, whom she’s being forced to interact with and yet regardless, I’m always super polite to everyone I meet.
I mean I could go on & on but you get the picture. So yeah, it’s not puzzling to me at all..

Oh I just want to give you a massive hug.

Feeling shit and unconfident about your own body is one of the most depressing feelings.

Do you feel comfortable telling us how tall you are, what size clothing you wear, and your body shape (e.g Apple, Pear, Hourglass etc). We could give you tips on the type of swimwear and cover ups suit your shape.

The best way to build confidence and self esteem is to just go out and do things! Go and do things even if you’re scared. It’s the most liberating feeling there is.

There is always going to be judgemental people in every scenario. However, you need to realise that these people are usually incredibly insecure and unhappy themselves, so they project their feelings onto other people to make themselves feel better. Even stick thin women can feel deeply unhappy with themselves and their bodies.

If you’re hungry whilst you’re there and want to eat. Then eat!!

Please don’t cancel. You deserve to be in places like that just as much as anyone else.

On holiday last year I got talking to a lovely American lady in the pool. She had on a stunning red bikini, beautiful tanned skin, gorgeous long dark hair and she happened to be a larger lady. She said something to me that stuck “If you want a bikini body, just put your body in a bikini”!

I’m not saying you have to wear a bikini if you don’t want to, but go on the holiday, have a lovely time and don’t think for a minute that you are undeserving of a lovely holiday, or that you should hide away.

Do not cancel - anyone can buy being skinny these days. Be you and enjoy yourself!!

i’m 5 foot 3 ish and just round. My belly is big, my shoulders are a little narrower, but my legs are big

Go and enjoy yourself! You’re just another person in the background at someone else day out. As they are to you. So many women around the beach club will be hiding parts of their body they’re not comfortable with.

To add lux_island on social media is a plus size lady who tries on lots of beautiful summer and beach wear - have a look and see if there’s anything you like. I used to be a lot bigger too and last year when I went on holiday I was a 16/18 (down from 22/24) like you and there were lots of people smaller than me, lots of people the same size as me and lots of people bigger. No one cared - so I got in the pool and drank cocktails and decided I didn’t care either!

Also OP interesting you’re worried about being seen in an ‘upmarket’ resort. Do you feel more relaxed in a ‘down market’ one then? Do you assume upmarket people have a snobbery and are less accepting? I would think it’s the opposite. Either way, I hope all these responses reassure you. Please report back!

Don't worry about what anyone else is going to think. Go and enjoy yourself. If people happen to not like it (and in all honesty most people will not care) they always have the option to not look.

I know this will sound awful and I want to stress that I do not believe this about others, but just myself.

I feel like I don’t “belong” in these places. I feel like I can never look put together

Don’t underestimate how little attention other people play to you!