AIBU to think my husband's cricket takes up too much time?

[cricketwidow12]

Is this too much cricket? My husband absolutely adores playing cricket. He goes to train once a week (and pub afterwards), and one day at the weekend (could be Saturday or Sunday). As the Sunday games are a full day, he's usually gone by 11am and not back till 8pm, or later. We have a lovely 6 year old son and whilst I want my DH to be happy, I do think it's a bit much sometimes. This Saturday e.g. he only came home shortly before midnight because they went for dinner afterwards. I know the season is short, but am I BU for finding this excessive?

It’s very normal for cricket season from what I can tell with friends - but my friends all take their kids with them and the kids play cricket too, so I think it’s out of order you’re left to pick up the parenting slack.

Yabu everyone is allowed a life outside kids and work. Like you say it seasonal twice a week.

I don't mind to pop down to the cricket ground (when they play at home, that is) for an hour or so, but both my son and me find it incredibly boring.

I think I'm also peed off because I do most of the active parenting in terms of running after my son and go to the forest etc. Might have to have a talk to my husband about doing more "active" parenting when he is home.

I know it might sound like forever at the moment, but you’re only 7 yrs away from your DS being able to play in the men’s teams and be in matches together. I love watching the fathers & sons play at DS’ club. It is so heartwarming.

How long is the season?

It isn't the cricket, it's the rest of it.

DH plays one day a weekend and yes, it's often the whole day once you factor in travel. He also does a nets session once a week usually. But he's completely present the rest of the time.

I don't resent the cricket season because he doesn't always stay for a drink afterwards to lengthen the day and he does entirely his fair share in the off-season and the rest of the weekend.

It's the other stuff he's not doing that you resent, not the cricket time itself.

I share your pain but DH plays a different seasonal sport, sometimes 6/7 days a week.
Im a fairly self contained person so generally I’m not bothered as I do my own ‘stuff’ (and don’t have to tolerate his crap on TV), but he knows that every so often, not to schedule a game, but have ‘us’ time instead. We generally don’t do anything exciting - go to ikea, lunch out was last done - but it’s time together.
I’ve been married for 35 years. Believe me that give and take is at the heart of all long relationships.

What the heck is 'active parenting'?

It's being the one that actually meets the children's needs. Not just the one in the same room as the child, not engaging.

Actual involvement. Doing stuff. OP even put an example in that post. Using some hours at the weekend to take the child out somewhere for a walk or a run around rather than sitting on the sofa scrolling whilst ignoring said child.

If you get together with someone who plays cricket, them playing cricket is to be expected. YABU. Would you prefer a couch potato?

I agree it can be an utter pita to have kids with any man who has sport as a first love.

DH is a season ticket holder for football, it’s not a local team so is often out most of the day or all evening. Yes it’s seasonal but only not playing for about 2 and a half months.

I want DH to be happy, but also it does mean i struggle to have a regular hobby for myself because of childcare. Next month i’m trying my 5 year old with a weekend hobby and i will have to see if they will let me bring my 2 year old.

DH gave up playing cricket when DS1 was born because ‘he wanted to spend time with his son’. Both DSs now play and DH and DS1 are likely to play men’s’ cricket this year for the same team. Personally l’d have been disappointed if DH had done anything different.

Take the kids and watch. That's what we did and DW eventually ended up as scorer for the team! [Her "career" with the club lasted longer than mine did.]

You don't have to stay for the whole match. Cricket is probably the most family-friendly team game there is.

When we met, he didn't play cricket. He did as a child/ teen then stopped did another sport. He only took it up again recently.

I'm genuinely happy for him as this is his sort of socialising but I just can't help feeling a bit resentful during the season.

I should however, in fairness, mention that we are away a few weeks in the summer where he can't then play.

Well at the moment, DS is not interested. He's only 6 though so this might change of course.

It's totally normal. Everyone needs hobbies, and this is a wholesome one. Take your son with you at the weekend, so he can enjoy the fresh air and hang out with the other kids. You can relax and read a book, if you don't actually want to watch.

Well, it certainly is a problem that he's not doing the active parenting. Do you get time to yourself while he parents solo? Is he pulling his weight with household tasks/mental load etc.? I think all of those would influence me on whether it's reasonable or not.

It's golf and darts for my husband and honestly I don't mind it. My kids are older now though but if I'd had one child I'd be fine with the cricket.. It's seasonal as well and sport and socialising is a big priority for us (son does ice hockey in winter, golf in summer and darts). I think you need to be getting time to yourself too though and he absolutely should be actively parenting when he is around. Do you have a hobby you get time to do?

Is there no clubhouse that you can pop down to in the afternoon or evenings where other wives are and kids for your son to run around and play with, rather than just watching the game (which would bore me as well).

I wouldn't spend this amount of time on a hobby and neither would my OH. We both had a time consuming hobby before kids and neither of us do it to the extent that we used to because it would take up too much parenting time.

We do have 2 kids and they are younger though but I still think it's a lot.

You have to accept this. Find your own hobby or interest or just go and do fun stuff with your kids. That's what I used to do.

Get your son involved in the youth game! Most clubs run the E&WCB “All Stars” training for kids over 5 as a gateway in to cricket. They may even have a women’s team. Lean in! Cricket is a very family friendly sport, there are always families and kids spectating and often food and drink for sale (And pray they don’t sign up for an indoor winter league!).

There was a time when I would have got really annoyed about this too. But I’ve realised there is nothing to be gained by that approach. As someone said, he is entitled to a life and hobby outside kids so I think it’s more about you having a conversation with him about it and you making it clear you need more from him when he is about and also - what can you do for yourself away from you child and husband? I always got mad my partner never made offers to look after the kids so I could do stuff. But I ever did either - he would just go and do it. So you should do.

Depends how many weeks we’re talking. FIL is hugely into cricket and MIL always resented it. It was worse for her though because he also worked away all week so Mon-Fri he’d be away then he’d get home Friday evening, Saturday or Sunday all day he’d be playing cricket. I believe this wasn’t even seasonal either, they’d just play all year round…

It really is a long ass sport, not like football or rugby where at least it’s over within a couple of hours. I feel for you.

I'd like to do this but our son has zero interest in cricket unfortunately!