AIBU to think my husband's cricket takes up too much time?

[cricketwidow12]

Is this too much cricket? My husband absolutely adores playing cricket. He goes to train once a week (and pub afterwards), and one day at the weekend (could be Saturday or Sunday). As the Sunday games are a full day, he's usually gone by 11am and not back till 8pm, or later. We have a lovely 6 year old son and whilst I want my DH to be happy, I do think it's a bit much sometimes. This Saturday e.g. he only came home shortly before midnight because they went for dinner afterwards. I know the season is short, but am I BU for finding this excessive?

I'd be taking up a hobby that takes me ot of the house all day sunday, at least in the short term, because I think its important for him to understand what hes expecting of you.

I totally see what you mean, but then there's no family time left 🙈

I think it's fair enough. The training in the week is fine, the whole day on a Sunday isn't ideal with a young child - but in the nicer weather you can go as a family, surely? He doesn't need to be interested in cricket. He can take a book, an iPad, something to play with.. you can take a picnic, and just sit in the sun all afternoon. I used to work at a cricket club when I was a teenager and there was a family atmosphere because so many people chose to do this.

I think you'd be less resentful if the overall picture was balanced.

Is there one regular evening a week where he does solo bedtime and you can do a hobby? Could you take an equivalent number of solo afternoons in the off season?

It's your husband sacrificing family time.

If you don't want a regular hobby, just every few weeks arrange to be out on either the Saturday or Sunday. If he says but I'm playing cricket, you can reply well you need to sort out a babysitter then. You are always going out without us. This is my time.

It may (?) make him realise what he's putting on you.

The equality is absolutely key. We alternate bedtimes anyway so each of us gets plenty of early evenings to ourselves. And I have at least 3 long weekends a year when I'm away completely. Plus one week long work trip.

Even with the 5ish months of the cricket season taking up half a weekend I think we are probably still about even. And it isn't first thing on a Saturday or Sunday. He still does the normal Saturday morning stuff.

I guess it depends on what he’s like when he’s actually at home op? Does he engage with DS or does he sit on the sofa on his phone in the same room?

I do get people suggesting that you take DS and watch but having done that (my brother played) it does get boring. Plus why is it that we don’t see hoards of men parenting their DC while the mums play (for example) netball? Funny how the blokes always manage to get themselves into a position where their hobby/interest takes priority and the family can tag along and watch if they fancy it?

It is healthy to have hobbies and take part in physical activities.

I don't see anything wrong with what your partner is doing.

Having a life that only revolves around work and kids quickly become tedious.

In fact I would suggest to him that you are also going to take up a hobby/sport so you can have a break from childcare and that of course he will be expected to look after the kids. Both parents should have some time for themselves.

No there's not, but he won't understand that until he gets a taste of what you're dealing with. It doesn't have to be perminant, just a month or 2.

Yes OP, you should be happy to do everything for your child while your DH gets to do as he pleases and carry on as if he doesn't have a family, just be grateful he's not a fucking couch potato!🙄

Exactly this. If he pulled his weight on the non-match weekend day then this wouldn’t be as much of a burden to you.

Mind you - top marks for actually naming the sport ! Rather than the usual “hobby” crap

I don’t think it’s that much at all for a hobby and I presume it’s only during summer.

I haaaated when DH got into cricket, it is so incredibly time-consuming (and boring to watch). YANBU IMO. It's a whole different ball game (ahem) to golf etc because the training sessions and games are set, and you have to work round them.

DH has played a lot of sports over the years but cricket was definitely the most disruptive in terms of time taken out of the week for some reason. I don’t know if it’s the long days, the fact the season is relatively short so it feels packed in, the uncertainty of knowing if a game will go ahead or not due to weather, or the drinking aspect, but he briefly mentioned wanted to go back to it and my heart sank. Give me any other sport over cricket!

Oh my goodness, all of this a hundred percent!!

The weather is an advantage I find! Unlike other sports there will always be some games cancelled for rain so less time taken up at the weekend

The problem with the “everyone should have a hobby/life outside kids” approach is that, when you’re a parent of small kids, that choice necessarily means that the other parent is “on duty”. And it also means that that is time your kids don’t get. (Not the end of the world once in a while - at all - but it can become detrimental to kids if it’s excessive). So one person’s choice imposes on someone else. And the problem with “you get a hobby too” is that (as the OP points out) there’s no family time and that’s not great for kids either. Personally, I think something that’s taking him out all day at the weekend on a regular basis is too much when you have little ones. Once in a while? Fair enough. Every week? That’s a bit selfish; it effectively dictates the biggest and best chunk of the OP’s weekend.

I drive 3 teens to cricket training once a week each for a net session and then Saturday they all play, 2 for the same team and the other for another team then they all play county cricket on Sundays. I love a day out watching them play cricket in the fresh air. I take a nice picnic and DH and I make a day of it. One of the clubs sometimes has a bouncy castle and kids paddlepool up, both clubs sometimes have BBQs after the game. We all go for a drink in clubhouse after too. Once your DS is 6 he can join up for junior cricket.

Cricket season starts last week or 2 of April and is over mid September. 5 months season.

👏👏Couldn't have said it better myself!

Except it's only every week for less than 5 months of the year. Plus there's a couple of weeks with no fixture and at least 2-3 cancelled for weather or because one side can't field a team.

You can't compare something so seasonal to a hobby that is year round.

I feel your pain - I’m a cricket widow and it drives me mad sometimes. When DC were little we came to a compromise where he only played home matches and only once a week (i.e not Saturday AND Sunday matches.) I was a SAHM and it used to irk me that he’d disappear all day Saturday too as well as being at work M-F. As DC got older they/we hung around for a few hours on the boundary with the other children and now they are grown up they play with DH which is lovely. It still sometimes messes up our Saturday night plans though when we are trying to meet with friends. I think we are slightly better off than the golf widows though!!

But OP is talking about DH disappearing all day Saturday leaving her at home with DC. That’s totally different to having a picnic with DH whilst watching your kids play county cricket. 🙄

The picnic and watching bit is still totally an option. It was DH's first game last weekend. We had lunch together while his team batted first, kids played a bit then sadly we had to go home to do homework