AIBU to think my husband's cricket takes up too much time?

[cricketwidow12]

Is this too much cricket? My husband absolutely adores playing cricket. He goes to train once a week (and pub afterwards), and one day at the weekend (could be Saturday or Sunday). As the Sunday games are a full day, he's usually gone by 11am and not back till 8pm, or later. We have a lovely 6 year old son and whilst I want my DH to be happy, I do think it's a bit much sometimes. This Saturday e.g. he only came home shortly before midnight because they went for dinner afterwards. I know the season is short, but am I BU for finding this excessive?

Nope, I personally think that's too much time away from family life with a young child - makes me sad for the child and annoyed for you.

Believe me, the novelty will soon wear off! 🤣🤣🤣

Brace yourself, but not everyone likes cricket.

It hasn't yet after 6 years

I remember your post about this last year. Exact same details. Nothing appears to have changed. Have you spoken to him about this at all?

Nope sorry, definitely not me! He only took it up again this year. Lots of disgruntled cricket wifes about apparently

I think I might have to have a conversation. I was just trying to see if I'm being completely unreasonable!

Thank you 😊

Oh you sweet summer child.

How is the social side of the club? My partner also plays but me and DD9 love going to the club on a weekend as there’s always people for me to talk to and kids for her to play with.

I also often do a stint behind the bar which keeps me busy!

Also, has he always played cricket? I went into my relationship knowing I’d be a “cricket widow” Saturdays in the summer. Think I’d feel differently if it was a new found hobby

Good for you 👍

But it is the best 5 months of the year! As you don’t know if a game will be cancelled until the last minute, you can’t plan anything for those days.
I absolutely adore cricket. My husband used to play when we first met but gave up when the children were young. He took it up again when they were a bit older.
Yes the children can play with the other children near the cricket pitch but it usually involves the other parent being dragged along to supervise them.
I have seen many mothers of young children seething at their time spent at a match.

I don’t think women need to be kept busy!!
Do they still ask the women to do the teas or prepare other food as they did in my day.

Teas never really came back after covid

If he was pulling his weight and things were fair and you had equal access to down time, you wouldn't have an issue with his hobby.

Take up a winter sport that takes you out every weekend for those months. He can get his intense parenting in the dark and cold.

A decade or so back, I could have written your post. But I decided to lean in and get involved. Both my sons play, husband has coached them both all the way through to adult matches. We are now in our 50s and I play softball sometimes. Our club does not have a drinking culture other than staying for one drink after a match. IMO, cricket is so much more family friendly than any other team sport.

@Yetonemaybe poor wording on my part, I’ve always volunteered to work the bar as secretly I’d love to work behind a bar.
Have never been asked to make the cricket tea. I usually rock up a few hours in to a game to drink fizzy wine

One evening , and one weekend day is fine. All day Saturday and all day Sunday is not fine, apart from the odd special event.

My DH played cricket when I met him. He played less when both DS were very young but went back to playing one or two days a week when DS1 was 7 and started playing. Both DS are adults now, both still play. DH has retired from playing but is stil very involved at the club.
I came to enjoy it. Used to score when the DS played youth county cricket but just watch now. Both DS loved it because DH is a very hands on parent and did loads of stuff with them including playing a lot of cricket in the garden.
A good club which welcomes families is great because it can be a real social hub. I go on a Saturday to watch them with DS2's girlfriend and my grandkids often come with DS1's girlfriend. My grandson loves it.
We take a picnic and it's lovely if the weather is nice. We know everyone from our club and lots of away supporters now too. If it rains, I chill at home instead.
Your DS probably doesn't like cricket because he doesn't play. It's game you need to understand to enjoy otherwise it's just lots of people standing in a field.
Sport is great for exercise but also mental health. We see a lot of new generations of cricketers coming through our colts section and you rarely hear of any of the young cricketers getting into bother like some of the other youth in our town. Learning to play in a team and get on with people of different age is a great life skill and should be encouraged.

You have one child and he thinks responsibility for it is yours.
I don't think this amount of time is reasonable when he does so little else.

He's being very selfish.
Have a firm conversation with him.
He needs to step up or you are going to have a huge problem with it.

We teach people how to treat us.
I know far too many fathers that do the minimum and are surprised when their wives and children don't bother with them as they age.

It is extremely damaging to children IMO to see an absent father obsessed with his hobby avoiding family life.

I wouldn't tolerate it. Don't you.

But DS doesn’t like cricket…

I totally see what you mean, but then there's no family time left

Then you alternate weekends. This coming weekend you have family time on Saturday, he plays cricket on Sunday. The following weekend you have family time on Saturday and you go out all day on Sunday to do whatever you like.

Tell us more about the lack of active parenting when he's at home, as I think this may be the crux of most of your resentment (as in, I bet you'd hate the cricket less if he did more when he was around). My husband has an insane job (think surgeon) with long hours but on weekends (where he's not on call...) he's taking them to the park, doing painting with them etc.

In the past two weeks he has taught our twins to ride their bikes without stabilisers, baked cupcakes with them (their pick of activity with Daddy) and tidied up the garden for the summer (mowing the lawn, cutting back the shrubs). My sum total involvement in these events has been to watch them demonstrating their new riding skills when they got home, eating the cupcakes that they had decorated for me (I got one from each of them, win!) and admiring the garden when I got back from the gym.

Fellow cricket widow here - only mine is the first team captain as well 😏I feel for you OP, I really do. And I find myself torn. He absolutely loves it so I’d never take it away from him. Plus I quite often go down to the club and socialise (i.e. get drunk) with some other parents but I find the tie of it all really hard. My two daughters are 5 and 7 so it’s easier than it used to be when they were little, but it’s more that I cannot commit to a single adult thing for me between the entirety of April and September. All the prime summer Saturday nights. If it’s something that involves the girls then that’s easy, but if a friend wants to go shopping, drinking, out for the day I can’t ever commit. Some days he can be done for 5/6pm other days it can be 9pm. I have a hobby too (netball) but it’s over and done within a couple of hours twice a week. Cricket is much more of a tie. I don’t understand why they can’t start early and finish early. It’s so archaic!

I used to only be able to book 1 Saturday out a season 🤣
We used to go and watch, my son could hit a ball as soon as he could walk...ive had the absolute pleasure of watching them play together, and my son continues to play all the time, all year round. DH does when he can, hes getting on a bit lol.
But in seriousness cricket was the best thing that has ever happened to my son, he has played alongside adults since he was 12, he has to speak to them without us and communicate his point. Done him so much good, enjoy it as a family, see if there are other parents with children who might join you, and make the most of the sun.

That's not alot of cricket to be fair. Most of our senior players play sat and sun and train at least once maybe twice a week. Enrol your son into junior training, offer to help with teas on match days or join the social committee. Cricket is an amazing community and family sport to get involved in. Learn how the game is scored so you understand it and I promise you'll enjoy it. X