AIBU to think my husband's cricket takes up too much time?

[cricketwidow12]

Is this too much cricket? My husband absolutely adores playing cricket. He goes to train once a week (and pub afterwards), and one day at the weekend (could be Saturday or Sunday). As the Sunday games are a full day, he's usually gone by 11am and not back till 8pm, or later. We have a lovely 6 year old son and whilst I want my DH to be happy, I do think it's a bit much sometimes. This Saturday e.g. he only came home shortly before midnight because they went for dinner afterwards. I know the season is short, but am I BU for finding this excessive?

I understand your frustration. I'm also a cricket widow. I have always supported DH playing cricket even when DS was a baby. I am friends with many of the team and enjoy the social aspect. but it is starting to grate a bit this season. DS is in a really "I want daddy" phase (having been a mummy's boy as a toddler) and he really misses DH whereas before he wasn't too fussed. Some of the games are far away and it's not always feasible for us to come to watch for a bit although I do try. I resent the drinking aspect too. DH is frequently out from 10am til gone midnight and is then hungover the next day and isn't really firing on all cylinders. I do have hobby of my own which takes up one evening a week, and once in a blue moon a Saturday daytime or additional evening. So I absolutely have my own passions and creative projects but I feel like cricket takes up a disproportionate amount of time.
I know people say it's only 5 months of the year but that's still quite a lot when kids are small and feel your absence.

I think you would be reasonable to have a conversation about not always staying for drinks/dinner afterwards. But the actual training/games, I think are fair enough, so long as he starts pulling his weight at other times. I get that DS doesn’t want to do cricket, but there are plenty of other clubs he could do on a Saturday, to give you a couple of hours child-free time to yourself as well.

It's interesting that so many posters are suggesting that you and your son's 'hobby' can be supporting your husband doing his hobby!

Being a parent shouldn’t mean you have to give up things you love.
For father, or
mother.
Life is hard and if your husband gets so much pleasure from
his hobby you would be unreasonable to try and make
him give it up. Ditto for you. People who only talk about their children are so boring.

I do think it’s a bit much, especially as you’ve already started a family.
You really ought to have a proper chat with your husband. It’s fine to have hobbies, but he needs to set aside time in the evenings to spend with the family.
The child is still young, and a lack of a father’s presence will have an impact on his development.

I am in a similar situation, my husband plays cricket too and we have a 3 year old. I hate it, he also says we can go and watch....luje you, I don't mind going for an hour or so but you have to time it right otherwise you're sitting watching your other half stand on the outfield and never touch the ball...or they're sat at the side waiting for their turn to bat. I have started taking a Sunday to myself to do a long run or walk. I will be out of the house for hours. I would much rather we spent the weekend together as a family but i think it would be more unfair if he did cricket all day on a Saturday and I couldn't do something for myself. I actually feel guilty for being out for the day but I asked him if he feels guilty when he goes to cricket all day as he said no...I told him I wasn't going to feel guilty either then.

So in 7 years time lucky OP gets to sit by herself and watch hours of cricket. 🤣🤣 I honestly thought you were going to say in 7 years you'll have a full day to yourself. Also, her kid doesn't like cricket...

100% this! Neither of them like cricket yet everyone thinks they should learn to love it to support hubby...🤦

So in 7 years time lucky OP gets to sit by herself and watch hours of cricket. 🤣🤣 I honestly thought you were going to say in 7 years you'll have a full day to yourself. Also, her kid doesn't like cricket...

There’s a big difference between spending 1.5 days away each week when you don’t have young kids, and 1.5 days away when you do.

Most people have to sacrifice their hobbies to some extent with young families.

But only in summer, which in a country where you spend a great deal of winter with short daylight hours, rain and mud, means that you forgo arranging anything else during the months with the most pleasant weather.

If cricket was played in the depths of winter it wouldn’t be half as bad.

Yes OP. Help with the teas and learn the scoring and you’ll love it 🥴. I want to know the sports women play where the men are hanging round supervising the children and knocking up the food all day ( in the best part of the year weather wise )

It's about 20 Saturdays out of the year. I'd far rather have to solo wrangle DC when we can be outside than in all the cold and rain.

And we do go on holiday so he misses a couple more.

As I've said, it's not the cricket per se, it's the balance in the rest of the year plus how involved he is in the other half of the weekend and generally.

This.

My ex used to leave me with the kids all weekend for his hobby. It was only after the divorce I found out his mates all took their kids with them on the Sundays.

@WimpoleHat

But everyone SHOULD have a life and hobby outside of their spouse and children

and the child will still be having family time… time with dad on a Saturday one to one while mum goes and does her hobby sounds pretty good for child, no?

Family time isn’t only beneficial if it’s with both parents at the same time

@Mammyjo12

and you shouldn’t feel guilty!

running is so good for your mental and physical health

My dad used to play cricket, but not when we were very young and he never stayed for the social element. It didn't make him popular with his team mates but he always said his interest was just in the sport. He was also a very involved parent the rest of the time. I expect my mum would have preferred more free weekends but we all tend to remember it as warm sunny days and picnics, running about with other kids. I'm not sure we watched the actual cricket much other than when my dad was batting - a very defensive style, so it was often a very long innings...

Anyway, my long winded, nostalgic point is that even in the seventies my parents found a compromise - he'd keep the time away to a minimum and the rest of his spare time he'd focus on his family.

It takes up ages! My husband and 3 grown up children all play, every week (DH doesn’t play every week, I drag him out sometimes!) it dominates our summers and affects everyone’s moods 😊
you’ll have to get your son playing. Then on a nice day you sit in the sun with a book, although sometimes you hide in the car from the rain, but still with your book! Or you drop them off and have the day to yourself.
Wait till you drive 4 hours to Durham to watch them get out first ball, and then you get to drive them home 😂

Honestly though, establish boundaries. It doesn’t take all evening, I don’t have small children any more but DH comes home at a reasonable time so we have a bit of an evening. And they don’t have to play every weekend

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's really interesting that some seem to think it's not much at all and some say it's way too much!
To all the ones saying get your son involved - I would do that but he has zero interest in it. I'd welcome it if got into it going forward!

An another fellow CWAG!

Yeah game day is looooong. Training also long and then other random activities like sorting the pitch, bar stock etc.

My son is 9 now. When he was little, like you I found it mind numbingly boring watching and too time consuming.

However now he is 9 he loves going up to the club, seeing the other kids, messing about in the nets. I go and chat to the other people and often they aren’t on the field so they’re ’about.’ Son now plays for the local U9’s and it’s lovely to see him showing an interest, in part because his dad does it. Also means the DH likes taking son and we go and watch him play Friday evening and have a beer. It’s so nice.

It does get better and it won’t last long, when you factor in the number of games rained off, can’t get a team together, holiday etc, it isn’t too bad.

I was waiting to see how long the "short" season was before making my mind up if OP was BU or not.
5 months to me is not a 'short season' it's almost half the year. I would find this unfair OP

Goodnon himnfor having a interest and whatnsoundsnlike a good social group
Very hard to juggle needs.and family
What do you do outside if family life?
I spend half a weekend day doing my own thing for me and my interest as We are all our own person.

The thing is, you hardly ever hear of any Mums having these vastly time consuming hobbies. Especially not those who also work all week and therefore not with their child then either.

I think YANBU. It’s too much. Especially with the after match events and the lack of active parenting at other times.

Maybe just the cricket, with an agreement that he takes sole charge of some other evenings in the week, and some active parenting on the other day at the weekend, would be OK. But as it is, it’s too much time away, even for a short season.

Plus cricket is insanely boring for most people to watch (I know some like it). Especially whilst entertaining a bored child - might be alright if you could sit and have a drink/ read a book at your ease. So going along to watch doesn’t really help.

And why should the DS make the dad’s hobby his own?

My Dad played weekend cricket when we were young and I find it insane that he took so much time out from three young children (as we were).

I actually remember my Mum praying for rain when we were kids!

All the posts on this thread trying to sell it as an enjoyable way to spend time are really not 😄 it sounds completely shit.

Sounds like the issue is the man choosing to not parent his child well, every day.