AIBU to question nursery refusing drop off before a planned outing?

[Curlywurlycarly]

My dd’s been going to her nursery for 1 year and half now but for the last 2 weeks she’s been refusing to go and having meltdowns both the nights before and when we are going. This is making us really late as it’s becoming impossible to get her ready and in and out of the car. I also have another daughter to get to school and the mornings are incredibly stressful as we are always running late. We also live in another town so it’s just a ball of stress if I’m honest.

Today the nursery left me a message saying they would be going out at 9.30 and would I be there, I called them and said yes as we would have got there around 9.10/9.15. She called me at 9 as we were on our way and said we’re going out now so bring her at 12 when we’re back for lunch. I thought we still had 30 mins left to spare and we would have been around 10 mins or so. I asked if we could meet them at the park as it’s only around the corner and usually they tell me to and she said no because it’s out of our ratio and we’re all going on the outing so the nursery will be empty, get there for lunch when we’re back. I’ve still got work! Luckily I work from home on Mondays but still that’s the point of childcare is it not?

I feel bad as I know the past couple of weeks have disrupted their routine but the thing that had me puzzled was surely if they have enough staff in the nursery when she’s there then they do when she’s out? And also if she was on time they would have taken her, so what’s changed with the ratio.
I kind of want to question it when I go back at lunch as it’s disrupted my working morning but at the same time we were late so it’s actually our fault.

AIBU - Yes they have a schedule to keep.
IANBU - I am paying for childcare that should accommodate

Wow. That’s bonkers surely?? I wouldn’t be happy with that at all!

What time is she meant to be there? To be honest, your DD’s reaction and the way the staff have reacted to you, I’d be questioning if it’s the right place for your DD.

Ahh thank you Uber, I definitely thought I was overreacting!! I am a bit pissed off but we have been late a lot, so fair game I suppose?
don’t know if I should mention something about the ratio or just leave it.

Should add, my DD2 used to kick off leaving for preschool but we knew she actually did love it there and we trusted the staff completely. They were always flexible and really accommodating with supporting us to get DD2 in each day. They also made sure all children were included on their trips out, even if it wasn’t their day to be in.

It is unacceptable for them to tell you at 9am that they can't accommodate your daughter for her booked nursery session that day.

Were you late or not? You said you would be there by 9.10/15 which is not late for 9.30.

I reckon they were short staffed and needed to keep numbers down to maintain ratio while out but didn’t want to cancel her attending as they would need to either refund the cost or offer alternative hours another day so and wanted a way out of accepting her for the morning (are their ratio numbers for a trip out different to if they’re staying on site?)

That’s bad. You don’t leave 30 minutes early than you said especially if you checked with people that day.

Maybe they did only send enough staff to the park and someone stayed back to prep for other activities? I know you said the nursery was empty, but they are hardly going to say 'Well Jenny is here doing XYZ' because maybe that wouldn't be within their guidelines to just have 1 staff member and 1 child? I don't know, just trying to think of what could be going on.

You've clearly been late a lot of times for them to have to call you TWICE about the outing! If I was running the nursery, it would piss me off with someone consistently being late. If you were late for work that many times, you'd like have a warning.

that cant be right to refuse you at 9 when she is due at 9.30
but i would make a bigger effort to get there on the scheduled time

It sounds like you were actually due earlier and were going to be late, based on what you wrote in your OP.

What’s the normal cutoff? Our nursery had drop off between 8-9am if you missed 9am they had the right to refuse if they were doing something else.

I'd be withholding payment for that session, as they have cancelled it (effectively).
I'd also be questioning why your DD is having meltdowns. If this is out of the ordinary, then there is clearly something going on that is affecting her badly. She is trying to communicate that to you.
Have a read of there's no such thing as naughty by Kate Silverston - it really does help with understanding children's behaviour!

This ratio thing doesn’t sound right. However at our nursery we’re supposed to drop off between 8am-9am, or for the afternoon session at 2pm, to not disturb their activities, if there is something similar at yours then it might explain why they are getting a bit tougher on constant past 9am drop offs.

YANBU. That's really poor for paid childcare. You're right to question the ratio, sounds like someone's off sick and your child's difficulties have been used as a means of managing that. I'd be asking for a refund for the half day that they couldn't accommodate her and looking for a new nursery.
Eta- they may have poor practice in general and that could be leading to your DDs meltdowns.

Definitely not overreacting!
Presumably you will be reimbursed.
They have let you down. If you weren't working from home it would have made things impossible for you.

YABU. Make her sleep in her clothes so no getting ready in the morning. Just hold her down and strap in the car? Sounds like you making a meal of mornings. Our nursery go out every morning at 9, if you’re not there you have you go and drop off wherever they’ve gone to.

I’m saying this respectfully, but the people telling you to make sure you get her there earlier have clearly never had to deal with a child refusing nursery/school and don’t know just how hard it is. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time getting her there and I’m certain you are doing everything you can in a very stressful and difficult situation. The nursery are absolutely being unreasonable, here. You kept to the time they told you and then they moved the goalposts. They are not being understanding of your circumstances and this is a service that you are paying them for so they really need to be a lot more accommodating. I think it’s worth asking for a meeting with the supervisor to give you a chance to explain the difficulties you are having and ask for more accommodations and measure to be put in place to help support your child. Put the responsibility back on them, a little, here, as they have a duty of care to support you and your little one to make it an easier transition than it has been so far. Parenting is blooming hard sometimes but you are doing a great job and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

So they cancel your morning session with absolutely no notice? I'd be complaining and making sure it was removed from my bill.

Maybe try to find out why she's having meltdowns? If she's been happy for 18 months this is a bit odd.

What on earth is late at nursery?! I’ve paid for the day and I’ll drop off and pick up when I like within those times surely! I understand the limitation of them being out - but I’d expect to be able to drop off at the trip destination as you suggested. How would they have managed ratios if you had been there before 9? Sounds like they realised they wouldn’t have enough staff for the trip if you were on time and took advantage. I’d want a refund for this morning.

What the hell?? That's insane! Aren't you paying for it? Never heard anything like it.

How can you be 'late' to nursery? I've never know a nursery have set drop-off times. I drop mine anywhere between 8 and 10. I'm paying for the full day. This is nuts to me

Hi, I work in a nursery and we drop ratios when we go out. However your child being on the numbers for today and then basically saying she can't go cos of ratio is wrong, they should have factored all that in prior to arranging the trip.

On the odd occasion we have gone out and a child has come in much later, they have just joined a different room until their room is back as at nursery. I'd be requesting the morning's fees be rolled over to another session as this is their doing not yours.

So they all left the nursery? Every single child and staff member went to the park? This sounds strange, usually if there's an outing (even if it's a regular occurrence) there is a skeleton staff left behind, often with children who have opted out.

the nursery sound very inflexible which is not at all helpful! Your daughter sounds like she is unhappy there anyway, maybe it's time to move?

how old is your daughter? Do you have a long time left at this place before she starts school?

Sleep in her clothes? Would you like to go to sleep in your clothes then do your full work day in the clothes you slept in? Scruffy, unhygienic behaviour. Afford children the same dignity you'd give yourself.