AIBU to question nursery refusing drop off before a planned outing?

[Curlywurlycarly]

My dd’s been going to her nursery for 1 year and half now but for the last 2 weeks she’s been refusing to go and having meltdowns both the nights before and when we are going. This is making us really late as it’s becoming impossible to get her ready and in and out of the car. I also have another daughter to get to school and the mornings are incredibly stressful as we are always running late. We also live in another town so it’s just a ball of stress if I’m honest.

Today the nursery left me a message saying they would be going out at 9.30 and would I be there, I called them and said yes as we would have got there around 9.10/9.15. She called me at 9 as we were on our way and said we’re going out now so bring her at 12 when we’re back for lunch. I thought we still had 30 mins left to spare and we would have been around 10 mins or so. I asked if we could meet them at the park as it’s only around the corner and usually they tell me to and she said no because it’s out of our ratio and we’re all going on the outing so the nursery will be empty, get there for lunch when we’re back. I’ve still got work! Luckily I work from home on Mondays but still that’s the point of childcare is it not?

I feel bad as I know the past couple of weeks have disrupted their routine but the thing that had me puzzled was surely if they have enough staff in the nursery when she’s there then they do when she’s out? And also if she was on time they would have taken her, so what’s changed with the ratio.
I kind of want to question it when I go back at lunch as it’s disrupted my working morning but at the same time we were late so it’s actually our fault.

AIBU - Yes they have a schedule to keep.
IANBU - I am paying for childcare that should accommodate

Wouldn’t it be easier to get her up earlier?

Sounds like they were trying to avoid taking your DD on the trip. But they were sneaky about the times. And then telling you that you couldn't just bring her to the park. They sound pretty awful tbh.

Why does it matter if you’re “late”? It’s not school, there’s no lessons and if they miss an activity it’s not the end of the world surely! You’re paying for your child to be there.
@Curlywurlycarly I hope they’re going to refund you for the half day?

they said 9:30 and you would have been there by 9:30.

Then they siad you can't meet them at the park due to being out of ratio

My guess is that they decided your dd wasn't going to be there on time and so planned the park trip without including her in the ratio.

whatever the reason, if you had been there by the time stated then they shoudl have accommodated you.

If you were not there by the time stated, sadly that is on you.

What time were you supposed to be there? Was it be there for 9am so everyone is ready to leave at 9.30am or just be there before 9.30am?

If everyone was ready to go then waiting for 1 child to arrive would be frustrating.

Perhaps they didn't believe you were going to be there as quickly as you said.

Perhaps your child also meltdowns for them and there was a risk the trip would become difficult for everyone because of that.

Perhaps a nursery isn't the right setting for your child. A childminder with a smaller number of children might be better.

If it was a pre school I’d understand it more because unless you had a doctors appt or similar they would expect you to drop off and pick up at the set times.

For a private nursery this seems madness. My friend’s nursery discouraged them picking up unless within a specific window, but we could drop off and pick up whenever we liked. If you didn’t drop off (usually we did 8 ish) and hadn’t said you wouldn’t be in, they’d message on the app to ask whether everything was OK as they were expecting X in. More from a welfare angle I think.

its unfair for them to move the goalposts. My caveat is if there is a big drip feed like all drop offs before 09.00.

If they specifically told you they were leaving at 9:30, that is unacceptable. You are paying for her to be there. I would 100% be questioning how they had planned to manage ratios, had you not been 10minutes late.
My son was booked in for the full day from 8am, but we had no need to be there that early as I don't have a 9-5. So we dropped at 9am for circle time and had breakfast at home! They said it's best to have them there for then (9am) to start the day with everyone, but they certainly wouldn't have turned him away for being 10 minutes after that!

What time is latest drop off? It's been a while since ds was at nursery but his holiday club they have to be in before 9. I know you've been driving matter but when is she meant to be in by? I wonder if the staff member who told you 9:30 was ok shouldn't have

I think probably official drop off is 9am so I do think you're on slightly dodgy ground? 9.30 was not drop off time, it was the time they'd originally planned to leave for the outing, but they ended up leaving earlier and your daughter was late.

Massive pain I know, but I think that's what they'll argue.

The trip was to start at 9.30 but what time did your daughter’s session start?

TBH I think your bigger issue here is that a toddler is setting your household's schedule. How are you dealing with that?

I'm being brutal here, but if you can't manage getting her in on time at 2 years old, you'll be fucked when she's 13.

You are supposed to be there at 9 aren't you?
Which means that most parents turn up at 8:50 - 8:55 and wait, drop as soon as the door open at 9 on the dot and pretty much everyone is ready by 09:02 😂

Parents work, they don't hang about on most mornings.

But you expect the whole nursery to delay their outing waiting for you who might, or might not, turn up at some point around 9:15-9:30 and has done repeateadly.

I applaud the nursery who is making a point, why should their entire schedule based around you?

I don't think you're unreasonable at all, they agreed you'd be dropping before 9.30 and then changed their mind on the morning PLUS I don't understand the ratio thing at all, surely they'd been planning to take your dd so there should've been enough staff anyway.
It does sound like it's all not gelling well though. I know some children do hate the transition and are fine when they get there but I'd want to discuss in detail with nursery, is she genuinely happy there and how can they support with how tricky she is finding attending.
Ignore the people saying you just buckle them in and get on with it, having empathy for your little one in this situation is good parenting, she is telling you something isn't right and you're listening- I think it's just working with nursery or finding a new childcare option (child minder might be gentler for her as its more similar to a home).

Just because the nursery have to put up with late drop-offs on a normal day, because you "only" disturb their normal routine and they have to settle your child instead of focusing on the entire group

doesn't mean they have to delay or change activity because one person is always late.

When they’d told her on the day that it was ok if she got there by 9:10-9:15, then yes, ABSOLUTELY they should’ve waited until that time before leaving! If it was a problem, they should’ve said so when she asked.

I suspect this is the key thing here, that children are meant to be in by 9am and were leaving for the trip at 9:30am. Maybe the 30 minutes was needed to ensure they had everything ready, last minute toilet visits etc and OP has been consistently late which the nursery have now had enough of. I don’t blame them if so, not sure why people think it’s ok to be late and impact everybody else, leave earlier!

interesting that they had to call first, to advise about an outing (a polite nudge to be on time and respect others for a change?) and having to check if she would bother turning up or not?

Do other parents get called in advance to warn them the group is leaving at xx time?

They gave 2 warnings, maybe someone got muddled or they realised it was ridiculous for an entire nursery to be on stand by until the usually late child finally turned up, and they made an executive decision but politely called her to let her know they were leaving, all within the normal nursery times.

It's the same with parents in primary and secondary school, who don't believe the coach will always wait for their little darling.

YANBU nursery is paid childcare and there is no obligation to be there for any specific time. I’m actually laughing at PPs acting like you’ve commit some violation by daring to drop your child later than 9. Have you been to a nursery? It’s mostly children playing, a child joining the group at a later time is not missing anything that will impact on the day or “routine” of the other children.

They told you their plan was to leave at 9:30 and you would have dropped her well before then. They were the ones who changed their schedule last minute! Totally unreasonable to not accept her on the day and I’d be asking for a refund.

They agreed to let you drop off at 9.15. At 9am they told you that she couldn't come. They cancelled the session and you shouldn't pay and should also complain IMO.

OP it does sound a little bit like they were trying to pull a fast one because they were short of staff, otherwise why ring you to tell you one time and then go out half an hour earlier than what they'd said, knowing you'd miss it. And then not letting you meet them there.

But like PP I'm wondering what time the nursery session actually starts. My youngest went to a nursery that opened at 8, we used to have to tell them by phone on any day if we were going to drop off after 9 because they said it was disruptive otherwise.

I am sorry if you think a nursery is just "child playing" and no "routine" or plan. They had an outing that day, so obviously they do have plans..

Either your children have had a terrible experience with a bad nursery, or you are ridiculously naive on the work and the way the days are schedule to benefit the children.

Why would anyone then leave their kids in such a poor environment is beyond me.

So they need a higher ratio when off site. When your daughter doesn't turn up, they realise they can go with one member of staff less who can then do things at the nursery instead. But it also means they can't take her direct because they would be out of ratio because they've made that decision based on the not unreasonable assumption of how many turned up on the day.

This.
When is dropping off time?

This, surprised by the comments so far.
They had an outing that they were going on, they can't hang around indefinitely for you, even if you said you were going to be there on time. They don't know that, do they? Sounds like you've been late several times before.

It sounds like a member of staff called in sick and nursery realised they no longer had enough carers to look after all the children, and you were the easiest to dump it on as you were late.

Otherwise the point they made about ratios would be meaningless. Why would they have enough people if you turned up at 8.50am but not if you turned up at 9.10am?