AIBU to question nursery refusing drop off before a planned outing?

[Curlywurlycarly]

My dd’s been going to her nursery for 1 year and half now but for the last 2 weeks she’s been refusing to go and having meltdowns both the nights before and when we are going. This is making us really late as it’s becoming impossible to get her ready and in and out of the car. I also have another daughter to get to school and the mornings are incredibly stressful as we are always running late. We also live in another town so it’s just a ball of stress if I’m honest.

Today the nursery left me a message saying they would be going out at 9.30 and would I be there, I called them and said yes as we would have got there around 9.10/9.15. She called me at 9 as we were on our way and said we’re going out now so bring her at 12 when we’re back for lunch. I thought we still had 30 mins left to spare and we would have been around 10 mins or so. I asked if we could meet them at the park as it’s only around the corner and usually they tell me to and she said no because it’s out of our ratio and we’re all going on the outing so the nursery will be empty, get there for lunch when we’re back. I’ve still got work! Luckily I work from home on Mondays but still that’s the point of childcare is it not?

I feel bad as I know the past couple of weeks have disrupted their routine but the thing that had me puzzled was surely if they have enough staff in the nursery when she’s there then they do when she’s out? And also if she was on time they would have taken her, so what’s changed with the ratio.
I kind of want to question it when I go back at lunch as it’s disrupted my working morning but at the same time we were late so it’s actually our fault.

AIBU - Yes they have a schedule to keep.
IANBU - I am paying for childcare that should accommodate

If they told you they were leaving at 9.30, then they should have left at 9.30. You should make more effort not to be late if there is an agreed drop-off time. Both things can be true.

Why is she having these meltdowns? That might be worth looking into

Eh? She was kicking off as a demonstration of her loving it? Surely this is a sign of unhappiness about going there?

She loves it so much she is crying and having meltdowns 😂

You don’t know my child.

She’s neurodiverse and she finds the process of getting ready to go somewhere really challenging. As soon as she got there, she went bouncing in happily and didn’t want to leave at the end. The preschool were so flexible if we got there late because they knew we were doing our best. We persevered through the meltdowns because it benefited her to go. She’s getting a lot better but getting ready to go out can still go either way now.

But sure! You definitely know her better than me, her dad and the other adults who, you know, have met her.

Their communication on that morning is t acceptable and I would be querying staff ratio and asking for a refund that day.

However the wider issue is her being dropped off “late” each day. It is disruptive for everyone there. Them leaving at 930am isn’t them saying to them “right everyone coats on” - that’s a mammoth task getting all the kids ready to leave by 930am. This will be the same for any activity. It pulls their attention away from what they should be doing for everyone else’s kids to accommodate yours. I think it’s worth meeting the Nursery Manager and explaining the issues so you can agree on the best routine to try and get your child in which works for you and the nursery - mostly for your child. If she’s suddenly started refusing then why is that? She’s trying to communicate something has shifted and changed that she doesn’t perhaps like?

Did you miss the bit that they weren’t meant to leave for the outing until 9:30? OP was being respectful of their plans, it was them who didn’t stick to the timetable!

I have worked in nurseries, primary schools, and secondary schools. Children in a good nursery will spend the vast majority of the day playing. This is backed by research in child development and neuropsychology. Even the EYFS curriculum makes it clear that children learn best through play. I said that nursery is “mostly children playing,” which is true. You added the word “just” to downplay the importance of this activity, even though it’s one of the most important things children do. I’m not sure why.

In any event, a child at a good nursery with knowledgable staff will spend most of their day playing. The late arrival of one child should have no impact. It is entirely different to eg a secondary school classroom where a late arrival can cause additional burden on the teacher who is trying to teach a very rigid lesson to 30 children and now needs to catch one up.

What wonderful insight. I wonder why the up hadn’t thought of that. Jesus weep

Being late because she is struggling should be something they support you with - not judge you for. They sound completely unreasonable to me.

Ok so it's not unusual for kids to kick off after settling. The reality kicks in my mum is leaving and I'm here. It can be weeks or months later.
with regards to park outdoor ratios are lower for safety. If your kid was there they would have borrowed management to help. But management isn't going to open a room for one late kid.

If you pay for nursery from 9am to 5pm then its totally up to you whether to turn up at 9am, 9.15am, 10am or 4pm. You have paid for the hours.

Definitely ask for your money back OP. What would they say if you said you didnt want her to go on the trip and wanted her to stay at the nursery? Your contract states childcare from x time to x time on x days and they changed the goalposts so that you couldnt go in

Where’s their father in all of this?

What a load of nonsense. Getting a two year old put of the house can be challenging for a whole load of reasons, none of which have any bearing of how that child will be at 13.

Why is that at all relevant to whether the nursery are taking the piss or not?

So they were leaving at 9.30. Should you have been at nursery for 9am, and the 10 past is late, or is your drop off time 9.15?
If drop off is 9am and you aren't there then they don't have to wait for you. However I'd be pissed if they said they would wait and didn't.

Yanbu x

What is their drop off policy? Sins nursery’s have a specific time frame and if you’re trying to drop off outside of that they have the right to refuse.

You beat me to it! What even is this reply? Sleep in her clothes, what on earth?🤦🏻‍♀️

absolute nonsense and you know it.

Of course, they PLAY, that's a nursery, not med school.
They still have routines with settling, breakfast, outings, and whatever else they're doing. It helps a lot of children to see the drawings with the outline of the day, how funny you don't know that despite your wide experience and knowledge?

The disrespectful parent who turn up when everybody is finally settled and start unsettling the other kids because it's not their own parent there should be banned when they are so casual about it.

it's part of nursery to go on "trips" from the park next door, to the pet shop, to retirement homes sometimes and tens of other different places.

The late arrival of one child because their parent is happy for everybody else to be ready for them is disruptive.

In secondary, it's the teacher who is inconvenienced (and that's not acceptable) but in nurseries it's the other children and that's just wrong.

funny how it's only challenging when convenient. It suddenly becomes a breathe when people have a plane to catch or parent have a beauty appointment 😂

That would be a fantastic theme for weddings 😂😂

Sounds like it although maybe they did need child physically there earlier to do pre-trip checks such as paperwork etc.

I presume she was meant to be there at 9.00 so they could leave 9.30? In that case you were late - again - and expected them to make your lack of planning their stress to take on. But it isn't.

If they said she needed to be there by whatever time, and you were, then it's not ok.
Maybe you can wfh, but a lot of people can't, and we would be sacked if we just didn't turn up for work.

I’m not sure you can be “late” for nursery, unless it’s school nursery of course.

I’d be making a complaint and requesting a refund for the session they denied your child due to their own staffing issues.