AIBU to question nursery refusing drop off before a planned outing?

[Curlywurlycarly]

My dd’s been going to her nursery for 1 year and half now but for the last 2 weeks she’s been refusing to go and having meltdowns both the nights before and when we are going. This is making us really late as it’s becoming impossible to get her ready and in and out of the car. I also have another daughter to get to school and the mornings are incredibly stressful as we are always running late. We also live in another town so it’s just a ball of stress if I’m honest.

Today the nursery left me a message saying they would be going out at 9.30 and would I be there, I called them and said yes as we would have got there around 9.10/9.15. She called me at 9 as we were on our way and said we’re going out now so bring her at 12 when we’re back for lunch. I thought we still had 30 mins left to spare and we would have been around 10 mins or so. I asked if we could meet them at the park as it’s only around the corner and usually they tell me to and she said no because it’s out of our ratio and we’re all going on the outing so the nursery will be empty, get there for lunch when we’re back. I’ve still got work! Luckily I work from home on Mondays but still that’s the point of childcare is it not?

I feel bad as I know the past couple of weeks have disrupted their routine but the thing that had me puzzled was surely if they have enough staff in the nursery when she’s there then they do when she’s out? And also if she was on time they would have taken her, so what’s changed with the ratio.
I kind of want to question it when I go back at lunch as it’s disrupted my working morning but at the same time we were late so it’s actually our fault.

AIBU - Yes they have a schedule to keep.
IANBU - I am paying for childcare that should accommodate

No, it’s just the transition some children struggle with at times. Mine had a phase where he cried when I dropped him and then again when I picked him up, he found it equally as hard to say goodbye to me in the morning as to his key worker in the afternoon. Still he was happy at nursery as soon as he was in, and happy with me once we crossed the street and started walking home.

I pay for nursery from 8am each day but drop off any time between 9 and 10 usually, depending on how our morning has gone (you have my sympathies cos getting a toddler out the house can be VERY hard despite what some posters have said). I have never been told I'm late! It should not matter what time you drop off. This sounds crazy to me and you are not bring unreasonable OP, the nursery are being awful. You are paying them for a service and have no obligation to be there at a specific time as it should have no bearing at all.

You're being unreasonable to suggest that a toddler should be made to sleep in the next days clothes to save time. Would you like to spend all day in the same clothes you've slept in the night before?

if you are happy for your child to be the only one not at the park, on a forest walk or in the pet shop - or whatever toddler outing they have that day, fair enough, and you don't expect everyone else to wait for him to arrive.

They shouldn’t have done that but they’re clearly frustrated with you. It’s disruptive having children arrive at various times, especially if they’re a child who needs more attention at drop off. I think an honest conversation about how hard you’re finding it would help.

Exactly! Some people really have no concept that not every child is the same. I have three DC and each of them have been completely different when it comes to heading to nursery/preschool.

I didn’t say they have no routines, I said most of the activities are play based. I agree a visual timetable of the plan for the day is helpful for lots of children but that’s completely unrelated to this discussion. For what it’s worth, it doesn’t seem like OPs nursery sticks to their timetable which is what this thread is meant to be about!

Most children spend most of their time at nursery engaged in activities and play. It would be a very strange nursery where all of the children are so disrupted by an adult dropping off a child. They are usually busy, playing.

I remember my dgd was physically sick if going to nursery and never settled. We found a lovely child minder at half the price and child loved it. Childminder focus was to get child ready for next step, which was school nursery at aged 3
Worked a treat and never had any further issues with nursery or school.
Might be worth a try, some children hate the nursery situation if sent at the wrong age and homely setting of childminder was much better.

Would it actually bother you that much? Surely nursery is fairly optional? They work for the parents, not the other way around!

@7238SM Did you really just compare a two year olds attendance at paid childcare with an adults attendance in a workplace? Do you not see how this is not the same at all?! 😂

it's the OP's willingness to be on time at work or for drop off that is being discussed here, not the 2 year old. No one is talking about the timekeeping skills of a toddler 😂

They would not be able to cancel her space, the only reason a child is not allowed in is if they are unwell, they ratios stay the same if you are going out so not sure why they

I've not voted either way. On the one hand it would piss me off if you were late a lot, I take it it should be a 9am drop off? But on the other hand surely you've paid from 9am so what skin off their nose is it? And they rang to ask if you would be in, so surely they had the correct ratio then??

That's a disgusting idea

My ADHD son also had regular meltdowns leaving me at nursery, change and transitions have always been rough for him. But once he was in he was always fine. I saw lots of happy pics of him on the app.

I would be concern with that attitude from them and your daughter refusal . Are you sure she is not being mistreated?

Private nurseries exist SOLELY to facilitate the parents' timetables - usually their work schedule. That is literally the only reason for their existence. It's really bizarre that you think they're not set up to accommodate different children coming and going at different times (on usual days, not trip days, although in OP's case there's still the issue that they told her they were leaving at a certain time and then left earlier than planned).

They probably work on a higher ratio when they are going out, that's what happened where I worked. On the other hand your DD was supposed to be in today so I don't know what they would have done if she'd been on time maybe they would have cancelled the trip.
If your DD isn't happy and the nursery is so far away can you move her somewhere closer? Does she settle at nursery or is she upset all day?

I paid for the nursery to take care of my children in the best possible way, not to accommodate flaky parents.

Most nurseries not being a opened at time most people would need to commute is a clue. So no, of course they are not SOLELY there to facilitate one parent.
Half the kids in nurseries at least have a SAH parent too by the way 😂

You must be confusing nurseries with private nannies.

It's not "flaky" to drop your kid off and pick them up at a time that suits you, within hours that you have paid for. Literally every working parent I know uses a private nursery, because hardly anyone can afford to pay a private nanny. Many parents put their child in a nursery close to their place of work, if the commute is a problem.

SAHMs might be sending their children to the preschool class of private nurseries (age 3+), but the vast majority are NOT paying thousands of pounds per year to send their babies, 1 and 2 year olds to private nurseries all day, what are you even on about? 😂The odd one or two, sure, but they're not the nurseries' bread and butter.

you seem to confuse your very limited experience with a universal truth 😂
Of course many 1 and 2 yo go to nursery even with a SAH parent. What are you on about?

and very rudely confuse a communal set-up like a nursery dealing with many clients with your own private nanny. If you want the flexibility of the nanny, once again, pay for one.

In any case, it's the OP who describe themselves as constantly making us really late - not exactly an agreement with the nursery for using them as a drop off whenever convenient that day.

My nursery don't have outings. They do activities inside or they play in the garden. So there is absolutely no issue with DC arriving at a time that is convenient to me.
To me, if you are paying for childcare between x hours then you should be able to drop your child off and collect them at any time between those hours. If you are late for snack time or whatever then your child misses out but they should not tell you that you can't leave them at nursery at all. It's a paid service.

fair enough if you have chosen a nursery with flexible drop-offs and it's all agreed in advance. If you are not expected at a certain time, then obviously you cannot be late.

I and others specifically paid for nurseries that would not be indoors all day, if my kids could stay indoors or in the garden all day, they could do that at home. As a client, I would not accept outings being reduced or cancelled because of late comers, and if I was running the nursery, I wouldn't put everyone on hold because of one parent.

You know and agree over how they function when you sign up.

How boring! Our nursery go out every day usually twice. So of course we have to be on time. It’s not difficult.

@ThisCandidMintGoose You know and agree over how they function when you sign up.

Right, so not sure why you're implying/assuming that all nurseries function the same way as your (quite unusual) one.