AIBU to think a 10k in two months is unrealistic?

[LavenderSkies]

A friend of ours is doing a 10k in a few months that’s a fundraiser for brain cancer (he lost his dad to brain cancer last year). Another friend has decided to join him (he’s a cancer survivor himself, not brain cancer though), and they’ve today asked DH to join as well (he lost his mum over Christmas to brain cancer). He’s agreed, but he has less than 2 months to train.

While I think it’s great DH wants to get in shape and support such an important
cause, him thinking he can run 10k in 2 months is absolute insanity to be completely honest. DH hasn’t been a member of a gym in almost 8 years and he doesn’t exercise beyond kicking the footy with the kids (every now and then he decides to start running, goes twice and I don’t hear about it again for 6+ months). These friends are much fitter than he is; the one who signed up first has been training for this since last year, the other is a regular runner. DH is not where either of them are at at all and regularly complains about how unfit he is.

He claims he’ll train but my question is when? He works full time and we have 3 kids, so weekends are pretty full. He and SILs are also in the process of clearing out their mum’s house so they can put it on the market, which is time consuming. He starts work at 7:30am so before work isn’t really an option (he’s not a morning person as it is). He mentioned his way home from work, which would be doable 3 nights of the week (the other 2 nights our kids have sport commitments at the same time in different locations, so we need to divide and conquer). He has a side business that he works on of an evening. And weekends have more kids sport, plus the usual kids runaround and social commitments, plus trying to squeeze in him going to his mum’s. And then there’s the matter that adding something else to his plate at the moment takes away even more time from his kids (or from my time with him if he was to go of an evening after the kids are in bed). I just don’t see how this is possible and feel he’s taking on more than he can chew.

I said I didn’t see how this was going to work and he accused me of being unsupportive. I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but I am trying to be realistic/practical. If he wants to get in shape, great! But maybe start small with a couple of gym sessions a week until he has more capacity. If he wants to run the 10k for his mum, incredible! But maybe aim for next year or a different location later this year so he has time to actually train for it. AIBU to think it’s crazy to attempt a 10k in less than 2 months given these circumstances?

Can he manage to walk 10k steps the moment? If so, he should be fine because worst case scenario he walks it all.

Another vote for him going running during the children’s clubs. He can be changed ready for running when he drops them off, then go from there. They will cope without him watching (if he even was) for a few weeks

It's not like he is running a marathon!
If he took it steady and isn't aiming for a really fast time he can easily do it in 2 months time. He'd only need a few 30 mins runs a week for first 4 weeks and then some longer runs as well as the 30min runs for the second 4 weeks.

Adding that kids of 8,6 and 2 must go to bed quite early. So surely he can fit in a 20-30 min run 1 or 2 evenings a week once they’re in bed, if he can’t run home from work. And still have time for his side business.

He shouldn’t train every day.

Listen, I understand totally that you have doubts about this. You are already probably carrying load from the kids etc, but also having had to pick up slack while he is grieving for his mum. I can totally see why you're saying this is a bad idea.

But nothing helpful will come from you being right about this - work out a schedule with him of when he can commit to training time around other commitments and then just let this play its natural course. He may do it. He may not. He may drop out half way round. He may not. This is part of his grief journey as much as clearing up his mum's house. I appreciate that a bit more will fall on you, and he should appreciate that and find ways to pay that back to you in the future (do you want to do a long weekend hike?) but right now, nod and smile. It'll work out.

Yeah- this is the issue. Can the guy theoretically train for a 10k in 2 months? Yes, absolutely. Will he given all his other commitments? Hmmm, let’s see, because any runner will tell you that the run is always happening tomorrow and the key issue with running is that it requires you to do things you don’t want to do, like running 🤣. I mean he’ll get round but it probably won’t be the tribute to his mum he’s imagining.

But she manages to fit in kids clubs each week and weekend. So they have have activities but her husband can't?

Agree with the very first post.
I also think you are being a bit daft about what’s possible - if he has an ok - good level of general health and fitness I think it’s achievable. It’s only 10k. It’s not an ultramarathon!

He could easily be managing 5k in a few weeks if he trains every other day and is disciplined. To run 10k in one go in two months, he might well be able to get comfortably towards 6-7k and then he’ll have to struggle the last few. Not impossible! He could walk some aswell presumably?
only good will come from his trying, and besides his fitness will be great from the effort.
you could try it with them!!! X

I sympathise. My husband still does occasional half-marathons and we have a small kid. He had to work out a schedule that fit around that. So he does running on lunch break (whether he is WFH or office), HIT training on other breaks, and runs at night after bedtime. If your husband can't work out a similar regime, he won't be able to train, it's that simple. He can still turn up on the day and jog/walk a 10k but he might find it tough going!
I went from couch to half marathon in 2 months but I had a history of being very fit and sporty. I did probably 3 runs a week, building up to 15k before the actual race. So it can be done, but I had no kids then, and had to run in the evening (took about 50mins towards the end) to fit around work

Ah, let him try. Support him, even if means you do extra childcare etc, it's just 2 months, will go by in a flash. I hope he makes it, what a great sense of achievement and for a great cause.

Having a supportive partner is the best feeling in the world.

Agree with others. Assuming he’s not gunning for a sub 1 hour time and he is healthy in other respects it will be easy. I started to run 10k regularly with a friend from a standing start. Just was fairly active generally but not a runner. So building up over 6-8 weeks easy. It’s not very far tbh.
whether he should in view of general contribution to family life etc is a different point but it’s not such intensive training that it will be unduly time consuming or challenging. It’s also
surely better to have a fit and healthy partner than someone totally sedentary in terms of remaining fit and active in the long term

I’m not sure why you’re getting such a hard time OP.

You’re obviously going through a stressful time and obviously can’t voice this to DH when he’s grieving.

Him doing this will massively impact you and his DCs and I’m not sure how he’s going to physically do it - so I completely see where you’re coming from.

I think you need to just let him get on with it, act supportive and help find a way to limit the impact on you and the DCs.

This is a healthy outlet for his grief.
It’s a few more weeks and then it will be over.
If he doesn’t do it, then he may not deal with his grief and it may drag on for much longer.

first post nails it.

Make sure he has proper running shoes, grubby old kick around trainers won’t do if he wants to avoid an injury.

Good luck @LavenderSkies husband, we are all rooting for you.

My friend gave up after the first two weeks because she’s very obese (as I was when I first started it 5 yrs ago- I’m now happily a normal weight), and she basically vomited the first two times and then felt sick the rest of the time. She’s the sort of person who avoids stairs at all costs so it wasn’t unsurprising she was quite so unfit. You have to keep at it and some people repeat weeks again and again until they feel comfortable which is absolutely fine.

Exercise js really important for health and mental wellbeing. Running is great as it can be done from your front door and only needs a decent pair of trainers. This will probably help his grieving and contrary to what people think, it will give him more energy and motivation. I would also find some exercise you enjoy and find time to do that too. You may need to all get up earlier, do it when the children are in bed - but we’ve all been there and done that and you just need to get into a routine.

A 10k isn’t something which requires a lot of training if you just want to get round the course. I think it’ll do all of you the world of good.

@WiseFawn @ThreadGuardDog I am aware that it comes across as if I’m not communicating with DH well, and you’re right, I’m not - frankly it’s a lot more complex than that. He’s lost his mum and I can’t imagine what that feels like. So I feel guilty telling DH that I’m feeling burnt out and struggling. He has enough to deal with, what a complete asshole would I be to ask him to do more? But I do recognise that we cannot go on like this so a conversation needs to be had. I am not being a good parent at the moment because I’m struggling and our children deserve better. I’m also not being a good wife, or friend, or employee, or daughter, or sister. So while I will do what I can to make some training possible, I will talk to DH about where I’m at.

I'm a healthy weight, have no problem walking for hours on end. I couldn't understand why I just couldn't sustain longer than 20 minutes at a very slow jog. I think it's a mental block.

For those concerned about how much time this will take up, he would need to do a couple of 30 mins runs each week, if that.

If a partner can’t give a grieving other half, one hour per week for eight weeks to do exercise, then that’s messed up and super-controlling. FFS, if the OP totted up the minutes she’s spent on this thread, it’s probably equivalent to one of his runs!

That sounds like you both need some ME time, to run, or whatever.

That is a bit young. Would doing it next year be an option? I know he probably feels really inspired atm but having just sorted out my dad's house and estate last year it's actually quite a big task and the exhaustion of grief usually hits after the initial work is done.

Isn't all this your husband's problem?

I am not a natural runner but when I took up running for fitness a few years ago, I found 10k to be a really great and achievable distance. Good luck to him.

Agree with others - 10km in 2 months is totally doable. It’s really not a long distance.

how on earth did our ancestors evolve the ability to run without "proper running shoes"...🙄

Our ancestors didn't run on tarmac paths, they ran on soft ground

No matter the £££ shoes I get shin splints running on hard paths. I can run forest paths but tarmac