AIBU to think a 10k in two months is unrealistic?

[LavenderSkies]

A friend of ours is doing a 10k in a few months that’s a fundraiser for brain cancer (he lost his dad to brain cancer last year). Another friend has decided to join him (he’s a cancer survivor himself, not brain cancer though), and they’ve today asked DH to join as well (he lost his mum over Christmas to brain cancer). He’s agreed, but he has less than 2 months to train.

While I think it’s great DH wants to get in shape and support such an important
cause, him thinking he can run 10k in 2 months is absolute insanity to be completely honest. DH hasn’t been a member of a gym in almost 8 years and he doesn’t exercise beyond kicking the footy with the kids (every now and then he decides to start running, goes twice and I don’t hear about it again for 6+ months). These friends are much fitter than he is; the one who signed up first has been training for this since last year, the other is a regular runner. DH is not where either of them are at at all and regularly complains about how unfit he is.

He claims he’ll train but my question is when? He works full time and we have 3 kids, so weekends are pretty full. He and SILs are also in the process of clearing out their mum’s house so they can put it on the market, which is time consuming. He starts work at 7:30am so before work isn’t really an option (he’s not a morning person as it is). He mentioned his way home from work, which would be doable 3 nights of the week (the other 2 nights our kids have sport commitments at the same time in different locations, so we need to divide and conquer). He has a side business that he works on of an evening. And weekends have more kids sport, plus the usual kids runaround and social commitments, plus trying to squeeze in him going to his mum’s. And then there’s the matter that adding something else to his plate at the moment takes away even more time from his kids (or from my time with him if he was to go of an evening after the kids are in bed). I just don’t see how this is possible and feel he’s taking on more than he can chew.

I said I didn’t see how this was going to work and he accused me of being unsupportive. I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but I am trying to be realistic/practical. If he wants to get in shape, great! But maybe start small with a couple of gym sessions a week until he has more capacity. If he wants to run the 10k for his mum, incredible! But maybe aim for next year or a different location later this year so he has time to actually train for it. AIBU to think it’s crazy to attempt a 10k in less than 2 months given these circumstances?

I agree with him, you’re being unsupportive. He only needs to go on a run a few times a week, 1hr max. I’d be encouraging him, and if you’re not getting time to yourself then try and make that happen.

Thanks to all the helpful comments - as mentioned, I’m not and never have been a runner (I far prefer walking or hiking) so it seems I’ve really overestimated the level of committed training that would be required to do something like this. I was thinking it was going to be every day of the week
for a couple of hours at a time, which our family realistically cannot accommodate at the moment. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. But a few times a week at shorter sessions is definitely a lot more doable and hopefully he’ll be feeling ready and confident when the 10k comes.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. He's not signed up for a marathon, or even a half marathon. It's 6.2 miles, approximately an hour of running give it take 10 minutes either way for most people.

Most of his training could easily take place at the weekends. He could do a 5k parkrun each Saturday for the next month, to ease him back in to running, and just squeeze in a bit of extra running in as and when around that, likely with his friends (training is always better in a group, it's easier to motivate yourself and each other). The month before the race, he can up the distance to 4 or 5 miles. He doesn't even need to have run up to 10k before the day of the event. An extra mile or so is nothing once you can run about 5 miles.

A 10k doesn't need a dedicated training programme like a longer distance, he just needs to get running regularly over the next 2 months to better prepare his body for an hour or so of running. It's a fun run, not a serious club race. He can walk bits if he needs to. Also, he doesn't have to keep up with his faster/fitter friends. He can run it on his own, at his own pace. If they wish to run it together, then the faster/fitter friends will need to run it at his pace, not the other way around. They convinced him to sign up, after all.

Good on your DH for wanting to take on this challenge and good luck to him. It's a couple of months of him potentially being a little bit less available over the weekends for an hour or so each day, that's all. You need to be more supportive. There's no way your average person needs a year to train for a 10k, just a few lifestyle changes here and there for the next couple of months will make it more than possible.

YABVU

(sorry for duplicate post, phone froze)

10k is really not that far, even for non-runners.

I am not a runner and i hate it. But i’ve done 2 of them in my time, with some training but not much. Sounds like a great thing he is doing.

YABVU

@LavenderSkies why are you so invested in this, surely youd just let him crack on and try? My ex at a last minute decided to run the marathon as part of a group raising money for a child. They made it, even though he wasn't a regular runner. Your husband may just pull it out of the hat

I think you’re right OP that going from no exercise at all to running a 10K in less than 8 weeks is unrealistic for most people. The Nike Run Club programme that someone mentioned upthread has a 5k run in the first week, and without any basic fitness or running experience that would be quite a tough starting point for a lot of people. But as everyone says he doesn’t need to run it, he can still take part even if a lot of it is walking. It’s a pain for family life but short lived and presumably means a lot to him. I think you have to grin and bear it, go cheer him on with the kids.

How old are your children. If they are sporty maybe they would like to train with him too as it sounds like he is probably not to worried about speed.

It's 8 - 10 weeks. I'm sure things can be tweaked to make time for training. Just imagine a role reversal and how you would feel if he would not support you.

Do you work OP and what hours?

It’s not about the race, it’s about not having time to do a relationship fully and meet everyone’s needs (including his own) but finding time to take on a new commitment. The training for a race is almost a red herring, imo

I understand why you’re hesitant about it op- finding time for anything when you have young children and jobs is harder than many people are acknowledging here.

Given you’re heading into winter, maybe a cheap foldable treadmill might make training more feasible? I have one for £150 from Amazon and use it whilst my youngest naps. It’s helping me get back into running and can be done when it’s cold or dark outside.

If it helps, for the race my friends who supported as medics at, they said they start getting the first runners back in less than 30 minutes. So I think some short runs will absolutely be helpful. I trained for a 5k swim (about 2 hours of swimming) in 3 months with 2 short swims and one longer one where I built the distance up.

I think you just have to let him decide to get on with it and if it falls by the wayside then shrug internally and say nothing.

I think using the App Runna and an 8 week training programme to 10k is doable.
3 runs a week until Race Day

It’s only 10k, he can run it very slowly or walk most of it if he has to. 2 months is enough time to get a bit of training in, he just has to make the time!

This weekend there were a number of runs taking place in my city. A friend did the 5k with only 4 weeks training and probably had a similar level of fitness to your DH. Someone else got an amazing time in the half marathon despite only starting to run 3 months ago so I’d say it’s definitely achievable.

YANBU, it sounds like he's got far too much going on to take on this extra project. And I suppose you'll have to do the lion's share of the domestic/ parenting/ admin while he trains .... and his SILs will have to pick up the slack on his mother's home.

YABVU OP.

Eight weeks is enough time to get from couch to 10k. He won't be quick, but he will get round.

You sound completely unsupportive. You have effectively decided he has, or should have, no free time at all, to pursue a hobby, to do exercise, to do anything you don't want him to.

You'll probably be back in a few months to complain your husband is fat, unfit and boring. He can't win.

I’m really surprised by people’s capabilities on this thread. When I first got back into running about 5 years ago I struggled to run 500m without my chest feeling like it was going to burst open. I was seriously unfit and hadn’t exercised (other than walking) for years. I did the couch to 5k which takes 9 weeks and by the 7th week I’d say I was able to run the 5k without stopping which was amazing. It took me months to build up to 10k, I started off by stretching one run a week to 6k, then to 7 and so on till I reached 10.

Now I’ve been running for half a decade at least twice a week but usually 3-4 times and run half marathons occasionally but I can’t do a sub hour 10k. I’d say I’m ultra fit now and body fat percentage is 21%, maybe I’m just a slow coach but I don’t think so.

It does seem silly when he is currently so busy but I would just be supportive and let him get on with it.

He obviously feels the need to put his grief and energy to good use and this is a healthy way to do it.

I would not say anything negative and purely be supportive.

Running 10k if you’re not used to it is challenging but walking it should be pretty easy.
So worst comes to worse and he’s not as fit as he could be, he could run most of the way and walk the rest.

I would be trying to pick up extra parenting responsibilities where I can, so that his evenings are free to train and his weekends to train and sort his mums out.

Obviously he doesn’t get to not parent but considering he is grieving, then I’d take on the extra load for him if it was me.

It’s doable, but do his friends expect that he’ll match their pace? Because that isn’t realistic.

sounds a bit ambitious but just let him crack on.

You mention your kids clubs. If they are clubs where kids can be dropped off and picked up then that’s the time for training. Both my husband and I are runners and we both do this, we run from wherever the club is from (with head torches if dark). It makes good use of time.

I’m actually with you on this one OP. You are thinking practically and logically about how and when he will train. You haven’t said you won’t let him, only that you can’t see how it will fit in. It’s common for people to sign up for things like this or a new course without thinking how it might actually work. When life seems so jam packed and then a partner throws something like this at us, it somehow makes it feel like our problem to fix sometimes. I hope he finds the time though and can complete it, do let us know. I think it would be a great achievement for him.

I can completely see where you are coming from here- you’re approaching it from a stance of concern for him, but also impact on you with a busy life and kids. It’s overwhelming to think about adding another thing to the ‘to do’ list (speaking as someone who’s husband decided to fulfil a lifelong ambition of running a marathon while we had a newborn, I get it 🫠🫠).
However it sounds like there could be so much to gain here. He is recently bereaved, and having a purpose and getting some exercise will probably be hugely helpful for his mental health. Having an active lifestyle is so important, and that can be lost in having kids- having a short term goal in mind might help with setting patterns for being more active. For us, it has made us both more aware of the importance of exercise, and he has been super respectful about me also having time to work out- make sure you have this balance too.
I would try and be as supportive of this as you can- it sounds like it’s something he really wants to do and is likely to be important for his grieving.