AIBU to think a 10k in two months is unrealistic?

[LavenderSkies]

A friend of ours is doing a 10k in a few months that’s a fundraiser for brain cancer (he lost his dad to brain cancer last year). Another friend has decided to join him (he’s a cancer survivor himself, not brain cancer though), and they’ve today asked DH to join as well (he lost his mum over Christmas to brain cancer). He’s agreed, but he has less than 2 months to train.

While I think it’s great DH wants to get in shape and support such an important
cause, him thinking he can run 10k in 2 months is absolute insanity to be completely honest. DH hasn’t been a member of a gym in almost 8 years and he doesn’t exercise beyond kicking the footy with the kids (every now and then he decides to start running, goes twice and I don’t hear about it again for 6+ months). These friends are much fitter than he is; the one who signed up first has been training for this since last year, the other is a regular runner. DH is not where either of them are at at all and regularly complains about how unfit he is.

He claims he’ll train but my question is when? He works full time and we have 3 kids, so weekends are pretty full. He and SILs are also in the process of clearing out their mum’s house so they can put it on the market, which is time consuming. He starts work at 7:30am so before work isn’t really an option (he’s not a morning person as it is). He mentioned his way home from work, which would be doable 3 nights of the week (the other 2 nights our kids have sport commitments at the same time in different locations, so we need to divide and conquer). He has a side business that he works on of an evening. And weekends have more kids sport, plus the usual kids runaround and social commitments, plus trying to squeeze in him going to his mum’s. And then there’s the matter that adding something else to his plate at the moment takes away even more time from his kids (or from my time with him if he was to go of an evening after the kids are in bed). I just don’t see how this is possible and feel he’s taking on more than he can chew.

I said I didn’t see how this was going to work and he accused me of being unsupportive. I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but I am trying to be realistic/practical. If he wants to get in shape, great! But maybe start small with a couple of gym sessions a week until he has more capacity. If he wants to run the 10k for his mum, incredible! But maybe aim for next year or a different location later this year so he has time to actually train for it. AIBU to think it’s crazy to attempt a 10k in less than 2 months given these circumstances?

Totally achievable. I’m not a runner at all, hate running actually. But I did a 10k charity race a few years ago. I did Couch to 5k over the space of about two months. Never ran more than 6k in training…….. but just pushed through and jogged/walked the 10k on the day. Did it in 1hr15. Most people could jog/walk for 1hr15 mins without training if they really had to. I think it would be a great thing to do with his friends, please be supportive if he wants to give it a go.

I did a 10k with no training 7 months after having a baby and still carrying a fair amount of extra weight. It was hard but I done it. I think hel be fine with the training time he has.

Of course he can do a 10k. As others have said he doesn't have to run the whole thing but 8 weeks will give him plenty of time to train to run the most part of it. You sound like you just don't want him to do it for selfish reasons of your own.

10k isn’t far, I did my first after a couple of smaller runs years ago. He can walk it and still not be last so with a few half hour training jogs he’ll be fine. Take the kids on their bikes

Many other have said it, should be fine, do a bit of running over the next couple of months to get into it.

Just as important, get him to eat well and thoughtfully, if he could drop a couple of kilos before the event that would help and basically don't over do it. Vital to arrive at the start line injury free.

That’s actually a really good idea.

OP is getting a hard time on here but posters are overlooking the fact that this will likely cause her more work/stress.
Even though I think she should still be supportive.

But at least this way he’s still doing the club runs at least.

he can definitely train for a 10k in 8 weeks. You need to be supportive of this. It’s a good thing. I think it’s also a good wake up call for you as a family to look at why you and him don’t have time to exercise. Maybe scaling back on the kids activities or looking at timetables to see where you both can fit in exercise. It’s essential to keeping healthy in the long run. so maybe one could drop kids at their activity and run home and the other picks up or during the kids activities you can do some sport.

Another MN thread about ‘family time’ he lost his mum a few months ago and wants to do this, be supportive and stop bleating about ‘what about our time together’

I'm a regular runner, but not quick by any means. My first 10k was about 1h 6mins, my pb at my peak was 57 mins and now I'm full circle if not worse, back to around 1h 10m.

However, I don't think this post is about speed as such, it's about whether it's doable. A 10k distance is very doable for most people on a couple of months of light training. OP's husband will cover the distance, even if he needs to walk bits. That's all that matters, it doesn't sound like he's going for a time?

Speed is often in the genes. I know people who run far less frequently than me, or have only just taken it up, who are much quicker. It's sickening 😂 Therefore, even as a regular, experienced, slowish runner I can believe their claims. Although I have a parkrun pb of 26 mins from when I was in my prime about 10 years ago, it took 2 years to build up to that from about 36 minutes at the start. I'm now back to an average of 32-34 minutes each week. Yet I have colleagues who will rock up for their first ever parkrun, no real running experience, and bash out, a sub 30 minute run. It's just not fair is it?!

@SweetnsourNZ They’re 8, 6 and 2. The older 2 might be interested in going, but they would likely need stops (which annoys the crap out of me, as I’m sure it would DH).

@Pineapplewhip I do work but I’m not sure how that’s relevant?

@Trumptontown I hadn’t thought this, I hope not! Surely they’d either run at their own pace or match to the slowest person?

@Smokingtoaster unfortunately no, we can’t really drop and leave. Our 6yo is absolutely not mature enough. And DH has volunteered to be team manager for our 8yo’s footy team so he needs to be in attendance. I take the 2yo with me wherever I’m going.

Most years I have a sudden realisation that I'd said I'd do an autumn 10k and haven't practised. So I take the dogs out for a 10k walk most days in the preceding few weeks and jog/walk bits of that to make sure of the distance. Usually end up running about 1k, walking half, on repeat, and to be honest that's never been much slower than my previous attempts to run the lot.

I think it's possible particularly if he organises himself with a training programme. If he finds the running difficult per se at first then interval training is a good way to start. Short burst of running, then stop and do some squats or lunges, then you are ready for another run. This was how I got into it at age 35 having never run more than 2 mins at a time. It's amazing how quickly you build up stamina.

He should then try and do 2 medium length runs a week, no more than 5k working on improving his speed, one endurance run at the weekend (working towards improving how long he can run without needing to stop) and one short run where he pushes himself to go flat out for a short distance OR some hill training. That's just my suggestion of a training programme but I'm sure his friends and you tube can offer some more ideas.

Please encourage him. When I started running i had young kids and a FT job so I had to fit it into the evening. If I was procrastinating my husband would keep saying "are you going for a run then?" "Come on, get your trainers on" "come on it'll be bathtime in half an hour" and I'd scowl but 2 mins after setting off I was so glad. I was over the moon when I did my first 10k event.

I guess that makes sense. My quickest 5k was 28 mins but I really over exerted myself to reach that, it wasn’t comfortable. I tend to do it in 30-31 comfortably, 34 if I’m chilling. My fastest 10k was just over the hour mark by a minute and I could probably do it in just under if I really forced it but I guess speed isn’t my goal so that plays a part!

I think he’ll likely be able to do it in intervals as I said earlier in the thread but it’s unlikely he’ll be able to run the full 10k without some walking parts in 2 months if he’s currently sedentary.

Three runs a week will be fine to get in enough shape to complete it. Time wise, about 30-40 mins two of the days and maybe an hour the third day is all he will need if following a basic 10k programme. I think exercise is very important generally so I would definitely accommodate this in our lives however I could. I run four times a week, from 5-15k usually, and we also have the same busy family lives as most people.

Now that I’ve been educated a bit more in how much he’d actually need to train, I feel like it’s more achievable for us to make work. But to be completely honest, I’ve already taken on extra load so he has time to grieve and do the things he needs to do. I’ve done so since his mum was diagnosed last year. I’m either working, parenting, cleaning or sleeping and I’m really starting to feel burnt out. I don’t physically have the hours to take on much more at this point.

i think the thing about it being only 2 months out from the run, is exactly why you should support him, OP.

It’s only 2 months out of your whole marriage that you’ll have to pick up an extra 2 or so hours a week of slack for your husband. Whilst he’s grieving.

I think I’d be encouraging it. Running is a great way to process emotions- it’ll be really good for him.

OP with all due respect your opening post did seem to be throwing every obstacle you could think of at this.

So in actual fact you don’t want him to do it.

I know it's not the point of the thread, but I am really impressed. I tried couch to 5K three times and never got past running for 20 minutes. I didn't think I was unfit, being a non car driver and walking in a hilly area a lot, but I just can't seem to run for more than 20 minutes. Did you reach a barrier point and if so, how did you break it?

That’s exactly what I’m seeing too.

its also a recurring pattern on MN that men are, or should not be given, space to grieve. They’re expected to pick up their bootstraps and get on with it. Every time.

And we’re not talking about him climbing K2 or cycling to Cape Town. It’s a sodding 10k.

Heh. No shit.

He’s no doubt motivated by the loss of his mum and wanting to do something positive to honour her memory. I wouldn’t question it or suggest he needs to fit it in around his other priorities. Better to just support him to figure out the best way to do it. There’s really no downsides to this. If he’s grieving, the exercise/endorphins will be a boost to his sense of wellbeing too.

If he doesn’t manage to train on time, be proud anyway that despite an intense time of grief and busyness, he decided to do something really worthwhile.

Anyone with normal physical ability could walk 10k. And even if someone tried it and couldn't finish, it doesn't matter, just walk off the course and go home. It's not like you're stuck half way up Mt Everest.

I have said NUMEROUS times in this thread that I seriously overestimated how much training would be required to make this happen. I’m not a runner and never have been - I have 0 clue about this stuff. As many people have so helpfully shown me, the level of training is considerably less than I was anticipating and it’s therefore much more doable despite the very full plate that both DH and I have at the moment. I am allowed to be feeling burnt out after the last 12 months of absolute shit that our family has been dragged through.

I started running at the end of March and after months of serious depression and consuming far two much alcohol and no exercise at all I was getting “low fitness” warning on my Apple Watch.

I joined a gym and couldn’t run more longer then 3 minutes without feeling sick and almost collapsing.

I started swimming for an hour 3 times a week and did fast walks on the treadmill with a minute or two of sprinting.
I built it up into jogging and saw my fitness on my Apple Watch going up and was able to run longer and longer.

Last week I had a good playlist on my phone and was running and kept telling myself “1 more minute” until I looked at the treadmill distance and realised I’d run 9K.

I was absolutely euphoric and convinced it was an error but my watch said the same thing.

I am childfree though and have had the time to dedicate to long gym sessions ending in a swim now 4 - 5 times a week and appreciate without putting that time into training it would have taken longer if I’d done shorter amounts of exercise in the same period.

If your DH can do a couple of hours of training a week I’m sure he can achieve it, I imagine his fitness levels now will be far higher than mine were when I started at the gym.

I think if he’s enthusiastic it would be good to encourage him because it’s done wonders for my mental health and I couldn’t put a price on how happy I felt to run that 9K.
I was elated when I first made 5k and that seems like nothing now when at the start it seemed an impossible dream.
I think determination gets you a long way (literally!).