AIBU to think a 10k in two months is unrealistic?

[LavenderSkies]

A friend of ours is doing a 10k in a few months that’s a fundraiser for brain cancer (he lost his dad to brain cancer last year). Another friend has decided to join him (he’s a cancer survivor himself, not brain cancer though), and they’ve today asked DH to join as well (he lost his mum over Christmas to brain cancer). He’s agreed, but he has less than 2 months to train.

While I think it’s great DH wants to get in shape and support such an important
cause, him thinking he can run 10k in 2 months is absolute insanity to be completely honest. DH hasn’t been a member of a gym in almost 8 years and he doesn’t exercise beyond kicking the footy with the kids (every now and then he decides to start running, goes twice and I don’t hear about it again for 6+ months). These friends are much fitter than he is; the one who signed up first has been training for this since last year, the other is a regular runner. DH is not where either of them are at at all and regularly complains about how unfit he is.

He claims he’ll train but my question is when? He works full time and we have 3 kids, so weekends are pretty full. He and SILs are also in the process of clearing out their mum’s house so they can put it on the market, which is time consuming. He starts work at 7:30am so before work isn’t really an option (he’s not a morning person as it is). He mentioned his way home from work, which would be doable 3 nights of the week (the other 2 nights our kids have sport commitments at the same time in different locations, so we need to divide and conquer). He has a side business that he works on of an evening. And weekends have more kids sport, plus the usual kids runaround and social commitments, plus trying to squeeze in him going to his mum’s. And then there’s the matter that adding something else to his plate at the moment takes away even more time from his kids (or from my time with him if he was to go of an evening after the kids are in bed). I just don’t see how this is possible and feel he’s taking on more than he can chew.

I said I didn’t see how this was going to work and he accused me of being unsupportive. I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but I am trying to be realistic/practical. If he wants to get in shape, great! But maybe start small with a couple of gym sessions a week until he has more capacity. If he wants to run the 10k for his mum, incredible! But maybe aim for next year or a different location later this year so he has time to actually train for it. AIBU to think it’s crazy to attempt a 10k in less than 2 months given these circumstances?

It's perfectly do-able, but yes, he'll need to put some time in, so it's not too much of a shock to the system

I woke up one day and decided to run 10k. Which I did, my legs the next day and feet, phew but otherwise once you get into the steady pace it was fine

You make it sound so easy - "just let him train!"

OP will not be sitting back and relaxing while he jogs around. She'll be taking on even more of the work at home and with the kids, even though she's already doing what sounds like 110% of it.

Im not 'fit' but it would take me 2 hours to walk, walk, 10k, its only 6 miles

If you ran/jogged it, you could probably do that in half the time.

Why not let him work out when he's going to train for it.

I found park runs were the best way to train for a 10k. You go whatever pace you want and it’s as competitive as you want it to be. You can feel motivated to better your time week on week. Once you can do a 5k comfortably then 10k starts to feel achievable and can always walk the second half as many people will do that.

The division of labour in the household is a separate issue to the OP's attitude towards her partner running a 10K and that's exactly my point.

'im doing a 10k'
'Great, I want yo be supportive here, but I'm concerned about how much there is to do around the house, how are we going to fit in xyz can we talk about this please?'

Totally different to

'my partner is so unreasonable let me post 16 paragraphs on a website to help me justify my resentment that I'm not communicating well in real life'

Leave him to worry about how he will do it.

Coach to 5k takes only a few weeks. I did it and could have ran 10k.

Running takes 20-30mins 3 times a week, needs no specialist kit.

It's great for mental health too.

You should try it.

3 nights per week en route home from work, and maybe once over the weekend. That's enough as he will need rest days.

Come on. Just because it’s a bit cold and dark doesn’t mean you can’t run… especially as if it’s a southern hemisphere “winter”, which unless yo literally live in Antarctica is basically a mild autumn day in the UK (eg Australia/NZ/SA etc)

As its a fun run, he doesn’t even need that… it’s not like he needs to aim for a fast time.

I'm a runner and I would say that unless your DH is older (say 50+) and overweight/unfit he can do this, particularly if he downloads a training plan right now and follows it. 10k is 6 miles and it's not a huge distance and most reasonably fit and healthy men would be capable of running that, even with very little training. It will be fine OP and actually I think it would be really positive for him and might get him into running, or at least back into fitness and taking care of himself, which is so important. Be supportive, a fit DH is a good thing!

I haven’t suggested or even implied that you’re against him grieving but your opening post threw every obstacle you could think of in the way of him doing this. It’s great that you’ve realised it may not involve as much training as you first thought, but the point here is that the extra support he needs is very temporary. He’s lost his mum, he’s grieving, and he’s trying to find a way through that, and the trauma of his family home being emptied and sold. Exercise is great for mental health, he’s set a goal to celebrate his mum, and it’s in everyone’s interests to support him as much as possible in achieving that.

Not hard but may impact on quality of op's life

My suggestion is slightly out there so please do ignore me but have you considered doing it with him. Grief tends to be a time when couples drift apart. If you bought a running machine and run at home you could treat it as way to both honour the dead. In all honesty you sound like you losing yourself too and it maybe a good way to rediscover yourself. You sound like a lovely supportive wife who is trying her best but perhaps losing sight of yourself in all of this.

This is doable - he will have to take responsibility to train for it. He could do one early AM run, one evening run and one weekend run.

As previous posters have said he only needs three runs a week between 30-60 mins.

i trained for a 10k trail run in about 8 weeks having not been running much in the immediate run up to starting. It was doable.

The only thing to bear in mind is that he doesn’t go too fast/far too soon and injure himself.

he doesn’t have to run it fast!

Absolutely this. There will be ways for him to pick up the slack for OP in return for a bit of time to train, and there will be ways to redress the balance of the burden in OP’s favour. But for that to happen they need to talk. My impression of OP is one os silent, simmering resentment, and that’s not good for mental health either.

He can do this, even if he runs it slowly or walks some of it (better than risking injury). He can run in the evening after the kids are in bed, as I used to do, or on his lunch break.

It sounds like it means a lot to him to do it, so in your shoes I would absolutely want him to.

As long as he does everything he has to do (and don't ask for you to cover the jobs for him), let him crack on. Or by "support" does me mean he expects you to do more childcare or housework so he has time to train?

@WiseFawn The division of labour in the household is a separate issue to the OP's attitude towards her partner running a 10K and that's exactly my point

But I don't think it is a separate issue. Her posts boil down to, basically: "We're both stretched to capacity, and if we add another thing then something's got to give, and I don't want it to be me". Which is entirely reasonable.

Goodness you're getting a hard time here OP!

I'm with you - until a year ago when I took up running (ok, shuffling) myself this would have looked like a ludicrously impossible task to me, both in terms of 'body' limitations (you can't transform your fitness that fast) and practical 'where are you going to find the fime'.

But as you've learnt here, it is possible. It's not easy peasy like some people are saying - but it's do-able.

Also community races like this are a great atmosphere so if you wanted you can def mark that day out as a fun family day out, and make this more a family thing- make a chart they can tick off for dad's progress, plot his routes, count down to the race day, etc, make a celebration of it?

Anyway, just wanted to say I think you're getting a real hard time here for no reason - you've explained why you were sceptical, how your position has changed, and the complexities of family life that place limitations on the choices everyone can make. All extremely reasonable to me!!

My 60 odd year old smoker of a dad runs a 10k every few years with absolutely no training at all and clocks in at about an hour.

He’s a builder so does have a physical job but absolutely no running apart from the odd 10k he signs up to with a friend.

Definitely do able.

2 months is more than enough, in fact it’s generally the length of a training plan for a 10k. You can progress quite quickly with running if you are not too bothered about speed

Depends if he walks some of the 10k. Most people can walk 10k. Also depends on how fit/healthy he is and whether he’s overweight. You can be quite fit without doing regular exercise. If he’s really out of shape, overweight and/or has existing health problems, it could be a big strain on his heart/joints etc to try to run such a long distance so quickly.

As PP have said, parkruns are a great way to start. They usually start pretty early on a weekend (so don’t eat too much into family time) and provide lots of camaraderie and motivation. Running/walking home from work 2-3 times a week is also a great idea. My friend does this once a week (10k).

Suggest you encourage him, as it sounds like he has a v busy and stressful life (clearing a home is v stressful) and running could really help with mental as well as physical health. A little bit of time for himself is important, if he can do it smartly so it doesn’t put more load onto you.

I’ve done a 10k run with 2 months training and I was really unfit. On the day I walked most of it and my time was terrible but I still managed it. It’s not a marathon.

Check there is no cut off time but if it's a 10k with a charity bent I doubt there will be. If it's an annual event you can see previous year's finish times. I did one yesterday some people were close to 2 hours which was not far off walking. Some do a shuffle the whole way some Jeff it -stop start running and walking. (Which I'm not slagging at all because to be on your feet and moving for 2 hours is a great achievement abd the distance is still done.)

Can he run home from work? Get changed there, leave his work clothes to collect the next day? Or if it's too far get the bus part way back and run the rest.

Take one or both of the older ones out on their scooter if they have one and run alongside. Or scoot to and from their activity? It all adds up even if not in one go.

I have also resorted to running round and round the playground while DC go on the swings and stuff which isn't ideal but gets it done.

Maybe this will be some sort of marker in his mind to help with his grief. Like he's "done something".

We lost my FIL the end of last year OP so I get what you mean about burnout and we didn't even have a whole house to sort. It wasn't primarily my loss but the experience from pre diagnosis even definitely took its toll.