AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

It's the dad that's gone against the mother's wishes, not your DH. But if he gave up half to be shared between the siblings he's still walking away with a fairly tidy sum by anyone's standards. But it is his decision.

This level of selfishness would put me right off him, yuck

Legally it was left to him but if he knew his mother’s wishes then he should honour that. She really should have left a will.

Does a part of him not think 💭 what if his parents hadn’t adopted him? To then get over £1m and opt to go against his Mother’s wishes after all she’s already done for and given him, is legal but morally reprehensible.

She didn’t do him a favour by adopting him.

I would say do as your mum requested and i’d think less of you if you don’t but I can’t force you. He’d still get 4/6 so the best part of £700k which would be transformative for most people.

The issue is she left it with her husband rather than children. If she wanted to ensure the older two received some, she should have explicitly said that in the will. She relied on her husband to do the right thing which he clearly didn’t. I think your DH absolutely should give his half siblings some of the money but he legally doesn’t have to, it’s just about morals here.

Sorry not rtft but if the split had been done when his mum died the inheritance tax might have been paid differently? Might there be a way of going back and reassessing?

What are you talking about? I have that much in loose change lying about the house!😂

Yep exactly this.

I disagree that it's not your business. You are probably the closest person to him. Decisions like this will affect your relationship and his heart (I believe such a selfish and money motivated decision will make him a bit hard of heart, not to mention ignoring his own mum's wishes - these decisions have a long term effect on the kind of person you are becoming).

I don't think the adoption is relevant at all though and I wouldn't include that at it's very hurtful to imply his mum's biological children should be considered merely because they are biological. He should only be considering his mum's wishes.

I would definitely encourage him to respect his mother's wishes for her share even though her husband failed to do so.

DH’s dad is the shitty person here. No interest in his late wife’s children and no consideration for her wishes.
Interesting that he has justified to himself saying they don’t need it! Bloody cheek. Maybe they have children they would like to help. Maybe they would like to do some home improvements or go on a holiday. But he’s already spending the whole lot in his head. Poor show.
This actually happened to my exH. His dad had abandoned his mum and never bothered with his own DC while acting like a great dad and granddad to 2nd wife’s two. Then she got dementia (was 18 years older than him) and DH started seeing his dad and they grew close again. Grandad was pleased to meet our children and I think was worried about being alone when she died. He told ExH he would split his will three ways to exH and her two.
Then he suddenly died very unexpectedly. She lasted a few weeks more. The estate went to her two. Over 1.5m. All earned by him. They did have him over to the house to take sentimental things but there was no honouring of his wishes.

Op hasn’t been back to confirm that there is proof these where his mother wishes.

If both parents died when the dh was in his 20’s ops describing this as a quite while ago rather than his parents died a year or 2 ago.

Why has it only come to light now that allegedly the mother wanted it split?

This could well be two older siblings who have just decided they want some of the pie and made up a story between themselves with no proof after all these years.

I wouldn’t be just taking the word of a sibling I barely have a relationship with other the wills I could visibly read.

Though the person that implies he should be thankful for being adopted wow. Maybe they adopted him because her other children were assholes and they wanted a good child 🙃

Do we even know the stepdad didn’t give them money or items when their mother died if she didn’t leave them anything in a will.

On the “small amount of £1m+” maybe the OP means after inheritance tax and dividing with the siblings, it wouldn’t go very far in London?

This. I have half siblings (although I never use that term) and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this.

No, inheritance tax is paid by the estate not by the people who inherit.

Not after so long and it passing to the dad first - anything the OP's DH now decided to share would be a gift from him, and count for IHT (or not dependant on how long he lives) in the normal way.

I agree with this, if they had asked for their share at the time of the dads death that would be another matter.

However, presumably many years have passed by, and two legal wills have been executed.

It seems very odd this has surfaced now, especially as these half siblings are not close.

I would just not engage.

I'm sure this is all made up but I wonder if the OP would like to factor into the novel she's writing the next part of the plot-namely her husband makes the transfers, dies less than 7 years after and the half siblings refuse to pay the IHT which is due on her husband's estate (which isn't their legal responsibility)

How do you know what his mum wanted to do with the money? Was there a conversation? It seems very strange that you know her wishes, and yet she left everything to her husband. Your DH has then inherited everything from his father. If she wanted her biological children to inherit, surely she would have put that in the will… was it perhaps a conversation she had with her children and they assumed they would get something? There is no legal requirement at all for DH to give them anything, and she didn’t include them in her will. I’m with DH here….the money was left to him. If he wants to give them a token amount he could but that’s his choice.

This highlights of course the absolute need to make a will especially with blended families.

No, she did something way more important than that. Same as if he’d been bio. Point is to shaft the person who gave you so much is incomprehensible to me.

Argghhh, I feel your pain! There are so many threads on her that are blatantly MN staff writing controversial stories to increase clicks but I just can't help responding!

I thought if there were lifetime gifts the IHT was the responsibility of the recipients?

Yes although it will make the plot more interesting if they can't /won't pay

Joint Liability: If the tax remains unpaid, the executors or administrators of the estate become jointly liable for the tax on the gifts one year after the death.